There is a lot of bad information out there about how to be cocky funny, and I want to clear up some misconceptions today.
I’m going to get a little complicated on you, but trust me – it’s going to make it SO much easier to learn cocky funny once you understand how it works, and why it works.
After closely observing naturals who are masters at rapid escalations, and after a lot of discussion about this with guys like Christian Hudson and Nick Sparks, who have really tight game, I’ve discovered a VERY important enhancement to the push-pull and cocky-funny concepts.
This small bit of fine-tuning can make it SO much easier to get a girl, and create much stronger, closer emotional connections.
If you want to attract a woman faster and have her more powerfully attracted to you, the optimal mix for a man who already has his fundamentals down (his body language, tonality, and basic inner game) and is interacting with a confident and attractive woman is 80% pull, 20% push.
I’m not going to be too strict about the numbers. But more accurately, the optimal combination depends on how good the man’s fundamentals are and how confident the woman is. It’s a continuum with the upper end of the continuum being 80-20 pull-push.
I’ll explain and give examples in just a second :)
My experience has also been that push-pull is best mixed with humor. Plus, the pull and the push are opposite manifestations of cockiness.
- With push, you are cocky enough to think that you are too good for the girl, so you push her away.
- With pull, you are cocky enough to think that you are irresistible to her and to women in general, and you want her, so you pull her in.
Although there is plenty to say about this combination of push-pull and cocky-funny, I’ll leave that to another article. My focus here is on the 80/20 principle applied to the push-pull dynamic. Push-pull is closely connected to cocky-funny.
What I say here is NOT for absolute newbies, who don’t yet have their fundamentals down (body language, tonality, and basic inner game). If you still don’t know what good BL&T looks, sounds, and feels like, check out The Social Man on YouTube for some videos on that.
My point here applies to elite game. It’s for guys who want to know what it’s like to live in the top 10%, or higher, of men in this world. That’s not to say this is advanced. It’s just not for beginners.
COCKY FUNNY AND PUSH PULL
A quickie definition of push-pull straight from the pen of Swingcat:
“Push-Pull is whenever you emotionally push a woman away from you and, then, emotionally pull her back in. Each Push creates an emotional space for each Pull.”
We’ll be filling this out as we go along.
Now, let’s consider how to use it correctly.
While you can succeed using almost any combination of push and pull (e.g., 80% push-20% pull, 50% push-50% pull), the combination that will generate the fastest attraction and most powerful connections is 80% pull, 20% push. This applies only if the following also hold:
a. The man has good fundamentals (good body language, tonality, tight inner game and is hence non-needy, etc.). This also applies if he is physically attractive or is perceived by the woman to have high social value.
b. The woman is unusually attractive in the man’s eyes, and she is confident about her value and attractiveness.
If both those elements are in place, then the fastest and most powerful route to sex is a mix of 80% pull-20% push.
[CAVEAT: If the man only has average fundamentals and the woman is only of average confidence in her own attractiveness and value, then the optimal mix is further down the continuum and closer to 50-50 push-pull.
This is because pulling a woman closer to you emotionally is only effective when you already have a basic level of attraction from the woman, and this kind of attraction is largely independent of one's physical appearance. Over 90% of this kind of attraction is attributable to body language and tonality alone. That's why I call these the fundamentals. Your attitude and outlook are also crucial to pulling off the right BL&T, so I include inner game as a factor for the sake of completeness.]
Pushing a woman away is effective when a woman looks at you and doesn’t expect you to be cocky. It throws her off and is hence funny.
It’s like when a confident child talks like an adult, using mature and sophisticated vocabulary, sentence structure, etc. It’s unexpected and incongruent with the kid’s image, and hence, kind of funny, and if done right, it’s admirable. Now imagine a 50 year old, sophisticated-looking man talking the same way. It’s not funny anymore. It’s just normal and expected.
Similarly, when a below average looking guy uses a lot of push cocky-funny, talking as if he’s too good for her and using humorous sarcasm, it’s attractive because the woman begins to wonder, “How can this guy be so cocky? He must have something going for him that I can’t see yet. But now I’m interested.” And because it’s done in a comedic way, she’s not offended, just intrigued.
Now if a guy who has his fundamentals down, a good-looking guy, or a guy perceived to have high value – if he starts to push her away, she’s not intrigued.
Why? Because it’s obvious why this guy is so cocky. He’s good-looking, high-value, or has an attractive personality. It’s not funny anymore because his cockiness is expected and congruent with his image. He just comes across cocky. For a guy like this to use cocky-funny, he has to really emphasize the humor and really cut down on the cocky part.
Most people overlook the fact that David D. himself acknowledged this in one of his newsletters:
“If you’re a pretty good looking guy, you might turn down the cocky, and turn up the funny. Women perceive good-looking guys who act cocky as MAJOR PLAYERS, and too much cocky too soon can backfire on you.”
More accurately, this isn’t just true for guys who are good-looking. If your fundamentals are strong, or you’re perceived as high-value, then it applies just as well to you. It’s the push dynamic that makes these high-value or good-looking guys come across as too unattainable. For guys like this, it’s best to use the pull dynamic more often and save the push dynamic for that 20% of dramatic contrast.
And obviously, when a guy with good fundamentals, attractive appearance, or high social value is perceived as a “major player,” it is very bad for him.
You can do it the other way, of course. You can do mainly push and just a little pull, like 80% push and 20% pull. Or you can be very cocky and only a little funny. Sure, you can get success that way, too.
But for the most part, if your fundamentals are already strong, then:
a) You can get much faster attraction by pulling her in more often than you can by pushing her away.
b) You can get the girl to feel a deeper emotional bond with you by pulling more often than pushing.
If your fundamentals are good, then you will be a relatively dominant, powerful, confident, charismatic, and emotionally steadfast man. Hence, girls (and most people in general) will naturally feel like following your lead. So when you tell a girl to sit down, she will feel a strong social and emotional pull to sit down. When you’re emotionally pulling a girl in by telling her to kiss you, she will have to work extra hard to resist. Most girls like a strong, dominant, powerful, confident, charismatic guy, and many girls have the fantasy of “being taken” by such a man. Any resistance they give to such a man is just token.
Thus, if you already have good fundamentals, and you want to get the girl you want a LOT faster, you’re better off pulling her in more frequently, than pushing her away, because the chances are good she will follow your lead.
Now, I hear you asking…
“Ah, but Asian Rake, when you push a girl away, doesn’t she want to pull you in? Isn’t that the whole point of pushing her away? You’ll get her chasing you.”
Yes, to a certain extent, this is true. That’s why you SHOULD STILL PUSH. That’s the all-important 20%. In fact, by pulling most of the time, when you do finally push her away, it’ll feel that much more powerful to her.
If you’re a dominant guy, girls will feel pressure to follow your orders, and unless she’s very dominant herself, chances are good that she will NOT pull you in return every time. Chances are good that when you push her further away, she will follow your lead and remain further away.
Assuming the pushes and pulls are of about equal emotional intensity, if you PULL more often than not, she might resist you at first, but then because you’re dominant, she’ll follow your lead and move closer to you emotionally and physically. If you PUSH more often than not, she might resist you at first, but then because you’re a dominant guy, she’ll follow your lead and move further away from you emotionally and physically.
Sure you can generate attraction with most combinations of push-pull. But what’s faster to hooking up? When she’s emotionally and physically closer to you, or when she’s emotionally and physically farther from you? It should be obvious.
HOW TO BE COCKY AND FUNNY
So, with all of the groundwork laid, let’s get specific.
Here is how the best naturals I’ve seen pull girls into a bathroom hookup in less than 15 minutes.
It’s (1)pull – (2)pull – (3)pull – (4)pull – (5)PUSH…
(1)pull – (2)pull – (3)pull – (4)pull – (5)PUSH… to the bathroom.
And, by pulling more often than pushing, you can also create the deep emotional connections much faster (if you’re continually pushing her away emotionally , how can she possibly feel an emotional connection?)
A far more efficient way to develop emotional connections is to pull her in emotionally.
One very effective kind of pull technique is in conjunction with screening and qualifying. If you’re confident and cool, then every qualification is actually a pull.
For instance, you say, “Wow, you are really adventurous, I like that,” in response to her little adventure story – this is a great example of a pull.
When you stack enough of these, she’ll feel like you really appreciate her for her unique qualities. She’ll be saying to herself, “Wow, this guy really, truly, sincerely likes me for my special qualities.” And of course, she’ll want to open herself up and continue connecting with you.
BTW, this is also a key technique for creating the kind of emotional connections that will get girls to fall in love with you FAST. There are others, of course, like sharing secrets and using childhood regression, but this is one of the easiest to do.
Now let’s add the COCKY-FUNNY into the mix.
And this is a KEY distinction: push cocky-funny, and pull cocky-funny.
What’s the difference? Well, the best way to illustrate what I mean is through examples.
The prime proponent of this is David D. Let’s first talk about the internal mindset behind Push Cocky-Funny. David D. helpfully lays it all out:
“I’m going to play hard to get, make fun of her, be indifferent towards her, and generally bust her balls as much as possible. I know that she loves a guy that is so sarcastic that it makes her nervous, so I’m going to really keep the heat on… and when she starts to show any interest at all on the outside, I’m going to blow her off and make her prove to me that she wants me… so I can reject her again.”
You notice that with this mindset, you’ll be pushing her away a lot more than you’ll be pulling her in. David D. follows this up with some now classic cocky funny lines:
I do crazy things, like if I’m standing next to a girl at a bar, I’ll turn to her and say in a completely serious voice, “Will you PLEASE stop touching me?” And then look them right in the eye.
Or say, “What are you doing at a bar for godsakes? Can’t you find a nice normal guy? Or are you desperate?” All with a completely straight face.
When most guy think “cocky-funny,” they’re thinking this kind of cocky-funny, which is what I call, “Push Cocky-Funny.”
This is my default style of cocky-funny, so I’ll give you one of my own examples.
I learned from a natural push cocky-funny this is best done when you’re a little over the top or dramatically exaggerated in what you say and in your facial expressions, tonality, and body language.
This took place near the coat check of a huge nightclub, which is just about the only place in the club where you can talk without speaking right into her ear.
A super cute, long-haired girl walks by, and I jump in front of her. My hands are slightly extended in front of my chest in a “stopping” motion with my palms out.
Me: OMG! (Then, with a sigh and a love-sick puppy dog look, I say after lowering my hands) I’m in love with you… Give me your number. (Pull #1)
Her: (shocked): Huh? Are you crazy? Why?
Me: (with an incredulous look on my face): Why? I mean, just look at you. You’re driving me crazy. It should be a crime for you to walk in public. (Pull #2)
Her: (breaking out laughing): Where are you from?
Me: From? It doesn’t matter. I want your number. (Pull #3)
Her: (laughing): No way. First tell me where you’re from.
Me: Okay, … guess.
Her: Um, China?
Me: Pretty close… (Taking a step closer to her so that we’re inches apart, I say in a quieter tone,) You know, you’re making me really nervous. My hands are all cold and sweaty. Here, feel. (Then, I take her hand in mine). (Pull #4)
Her: (laughing): You’re not nervous.
Me: (throwing off her hand and looking shocked): Are you calling me a liar? I’ve just confessed my deep dark love for you, and now you’re calling me a liar? That’s it. We’re getting a divorce… But I’m keeping the DVDs. You can have the dog. (Push #1)
Me: (said nothing and continued looking fake-mad)
Her: “Okay, bye,” and started walking off.
Me: No, wait. You can’t go. I’ll be so sad… I’m going to go home and cry now (and then I slumped my shoulders as if completely sad and depressed). (Pull #5)
Me: (perking up and letting out a sly smile): Okay, give me your number.
Her: (laughs) Okay.
I took her number, we talked a little bit more, then I let her go back to her friends.
Unbelievably easy, right? You can’t imagine something like this working when you’re a beginner, but this is how top naturals with tons of confidence around women are able to get the girl excited and attracted so fast.
I texted her about an hour later, and she texted back, asking what I was doing tomorrow. The rest is history, because a gentleman never kisses and tells.
Notice the push-pull ratio here. That was 5 pulls to 1 push. The one push came after 4 pulls. In fact, I don’t even think that push was necessary.
This sort of Pull Cocky-Funny can get you super fast makeouts and, as my natural friends have shown, club bathroom hookups.
Another great example comes from Zan. Among the community old-timers, Zan is probably the best representative of this kind of cocky-funny.
There are so many possibilities to choose from, but this conversation of his has stuck in my mind for a while now:
ZAN: Come out with me for a drink tonight. I will pick you up at 7.
HER: I can’t. My boyfriend wouldn’t like it.
ZAN: Oh hey, I understand… let’s make it 8 then.
I never, ever worry about a woman’s resistance to me. If she says she is not interested and leaves, no problem. But if I ever see her again, I immediately go up to her, smile and wink, and pick up right where I left off. As if she had never resisted me in the first place. In other words, her boyfriend objections (or whatever) mean nothing to me.
ZAN: (big smile) Hello, sweetie. Did you miss me?
ZAN: I want to see you. Tell me your number and I’ll remember it.
HER: No! I told you last time I have a boyfriend.
ZAN: Oh, so you’re still seeing Norman?
HER: Uh… his name’s not Norman.
ZAN: (smile, wink) Really? That’s very interesting. I have two bottles of champagne at home.
HER: No thanks.
ZAN: One to drink and one to pour all over your body…
HER: You never give up, do you?
ZAN: Of course not! Wouldn’t be the same if I did, would it?
HER (laughing) No, I suppose not…
I find this whole exchange completely charming and hilarious. Zan pulls her in about seven times. Just about everything he says is a pull.
He’s cocky because he believes that she’d be crazy to turn him down. So her objections don’t even register with him. This is the ideal kind of frame to be operating from when doing Pull Cocky-Funny.
So there you have it. Push Cocky-Funny vs. Pull Cocky-Funny. Both can work. But if you have good fundamentals (body language, tonality, and basic inner game), or you’re good-looking, or you have perceived high social value, and you’re interacting with a confident and attractive woman, then you can get faster attraction and make deeper connections by doing more Pull than Push, around 80%-20% is ideal. And keep it all funny ☺