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My girlfriend says I should quit my band and get a job already—I’ve been living with her for almost year, and not paying rent, while she supports my musical ambitions. Should I ditch my dreams and face reality, or, should I just get a new girlfriend?
Never ditch your dreams; the idea of facing what you call ‘reality’ is a very unrealistic and potentially very damaging way to live. Crushing your interests, having to give up your passions, in favor of some more pared-down existence—[that’s] really the complete opposite of what life should be about. I think really what life should be about for all of us is focusing on our dreams, focusing on what we enjoy, and removing all obstacles or areas of our life that tell us to not do the things that we enjoy.
And usually, from my experience, when I've looked at the obstacles or people, circumstances, different places or things that have tried to keep me from doing what I really love doing, it was always clear that that person, place or thing had a lot of these same issues, and had themselves stifled their own creative impulses, their own dreams and desires, their own visions of possibility for themselves in the future. And when people have already crushed their own dreams, it makes a lot of sense that they would want to do that to the people around them, to help reinforce their own decision that they've made and to sort of even the playing field. But if they're seeing someone—someone who's given up on their dreams—sees someone pursuing their dreams very passionately, it can be very painful to them, because it can remind them of what they've given up, the choices they've made, and it will remind them of the pain that they've been experiencing every day living in a state of denial, thinking that they're living in what they would call the real world or being responsible or all this, but they've in fact, in my opinion, behaved very irresponsibly, and have shut themselves off to the most healthy and vibrant aspects of their life, and their being. If you really love this girl, then I think you can lead by example, and show her why pursuing your interests is the only way to live, and hopefully you can encourage her to pursue her interests, maybe things she's given up on, or felt were unrealistic.
But I really urge you most of all to understand that there is no "real world," there is no “reality,” there is no one way to do things versus another way. There's an infinite number of ways to do anything, and it's up to you to listen to that very subtle yet very clear instinct that resides deep within your soul that really makes you who you are.
