- what are three things that you look for in men?
- what are three things you can't stand?
- what is a deal-breaker that would hold you back from a guy, even if everything else was great?
- in a city full of singles, why are so few people in relationships?
- has a man ever surprised you in the first few dates in a way that made you genuinely happy, and renewed your faith in men?
From Friend 1:
> - what are three things that you look for in men?
1. That he is responsible. Responsible for everything in his life,
from significant things such as caring for his family/loved ones, his
life direction, and career goals, to smaller specific things such as
paying the bills on time or calling when he says he will. He takes
things seriously and our relationship is very important to him.
Responsibility also stems from maturity.
2. That he can communicate honestly with me and others. He's able and
willing to express his thoughts with me, as well as listen to me, so I
can do the same with him. Strong foundation for a solid relationship.
In a social setting, he's able to hold his own. He doesn't have to be
the life of the party, but hopefully can at least make a good first
impression on people I introduce him to..which shouldn't be hard as
long as he is decent at communication! And of course honesty is a
highly valued trait -- self explanatorily.
3. That he is ambitious/open-minded. Not in a monetary or career-based
way necessarily, but moreso that he is constantly striving to become a
better person by learning and exploring different facets and
opportunities in life. Always willing to try new things, travel to new
places, meet new people, enrich his life. The basis of a strong
relationship is when two people can live their lives individually yet
come together on common ground and still learn from each other.> - what are three things you can't stand?
pretty much the opposite of the 3 things I look for in a man. I can't
stand a guy who's:
1) untrustworthy (more on this in the next answer)
2) immature -- and therefore terrible with communication, and irresponsible
3) unwilling to try new things -- boring, stagnant> - what is a deal-breaker that would hold you back from a guy, even if
> everything else was great?I guess if i had to choose one -- I can't stand a guy who can't keep
his word, and therefore a guy i can't trust. If he says he'll call,
then he should call. if he says he'll do something, then it should be
done. I want to be able to depend on him without "nagging" at him. It
leads into a deeper issue of trust -- and therefore a sense of healthy
independence even within an intimate relationship. If I trust my man
to keep his word and I trust that he knows right from wrong, then I
don't mind if he wants to live his own life outside our time together.
If he wants to watch sports with the guys, sure. He wants to go
drinking at the bar with the guys, sure. He wants his own time to play
video games or whatever, sure! I am not a clingy type of person (mushy
maybe, but not clingy!) and the more I trust him the healthier both
our lives are, along with our relationship.> - in a city full of singles, why are so few people in relationships?New York is a place where someone can meet several new people every
day. Human nature is to always be seeking the best. If someone isn't
in a relationship, every person they meet is a potential person to
date. There are so many talented, friendly, fun, amazing people in NYC
that every new person seems like a great catch. With all these
distractions, there is very little incentive to settle in a committed
relationship and take themselves out of the 'social, singles network
of NYC' because there might always be a better person out there to
date! In smaller cities people meet others sparingly, so the options
are limited.> - has a man ever surprised you in the first few dates in a way that made you
> genuinely happy, and renewed your faith in men?
Yes. There was someone that truly went out on a limb for me when i
needed help, and I honestly did not know him well enough to expect
that he would do such a thing for me. I wont really go into details on
this situation. But it did renew my faith in men, if not also people
in general.
From Friend 2:
- what are three things that you look for in men?
First and foremost is charisma/sense of humor... seriously if a guy can keep an audience captive, make me laugh, and is socially ahem normal that is a big plus. Second, motivation ( not necessarily success) I don't care if they are a starving artist as long as they are trying to push their work/get out there and do something motivation is sexy... 3. fun/interesting I really love guys that travel, speak different languages (or are learning), like cultural things and are always wanting to learn more I think it's important that our significant others can teach us a thing or two.- what are three things you can't stand?
Cockiness, Over-eagerness (ew.), and shyness ( works for some people not me)- what is a deal-breaker that would hold you back from a guy, even if everything else was great?
bad/no sexual chemistry (its true), flakiness (Get it together!), selfishness- in a city full of singles, why are so few people in relationships?
Actually a lot of my friends are in relationships right now (WTF) but I think honestly because everyone in NY is looking for the next best thing. Ever ask someone what they are doing? They pretty much across the board so "not sure" even if they have plans, why? because they think you have something better to offer. IT is how it is... the whole idea of "Keeping your options open" has let men in NY live in a proverbial playground of women....and women (who for the most part enjoy companionship especially as they get older) are left fighting over scumbags (WHOA!).- has a man ever surprised you in the first few dates in a way that made you genuinely happy, and renewed your faith in men?
Ahh Yes. This one guy read my blog ( :) ) and sent me an item I had posted about it was so sweet and thoughtful.
From Friend 3:
- what are three things that you look for in men?
(no order and changes...) 1) intelligence, 2) attraction 3) humor
- what are three things you can't stand?
1) arrogance/rude 2) unhealthy 3) no morals (under this category falls lying, cheating, etc)
- what is a deal-breaker that would hold you back from a guy, even if everything else was great? -->
1) drugs 2) controlling
- in a city full of singles, why are so few people in relationships?
1) what's the next best thing attitude 2) too much temptation / confusion
From Friend 4:
1) humor, eccentricity, compassion
2) self-righteousness, arrogance, boring men
3) cheap mean
4) I seriously think people are far too often looking for companionship as opposed to real relationships. and people are actually severely uncomfortable with themselves and socially inept.
5) sometimes, but i don't end up with them usually. I've met a lot of great guys, but the ones I actually end up with are usually close friends of mine.
From Friend 5:
On the surface/first meeting, I look for a guy that seems genuine and confident and happy, is wearing his clothes well (like with style and good fit. They don't have to be expensive or flashy. Good men's fashion is all about fit and the details and standing out in a subtle way), and is nice, chivalous and respectful to me instead of acting all bitter and making it clear that he thinks I'm trying to hook him and suck away all his money or something.I hate guys who act the way I just mentioned. And I hate it when you're talking and they're clearly adjusting everything they say to you, like over-identifying, esp. if they over-identify the wrong emotion. Like we're talking about a situation or something in my life and he wants to get in good with me, so when I say X happened, he says "Oh my God, that's awful! I can't believe it! That bitch be crazy!" and I'm like dude... It's cool. Because if I felt that bad about it, I wouldn't be telling a stranger. And I also hate it when people project their insecurities on me and assume that I need XX for validation just because they do.Dealbreakers: bad sex (sometimes even if you're attracted to someone, it's just not a good combination), bad communication, and lying, even about small things. Because you start with small things, and then you move on....The problem with a city full of singles is if you have a group of real friends that you get emotional bonds from, it's too fun to be single. It makes it easy not to settle down, because if you find any small thing wrong with someone, you know there are hundreds more out there to try. For me, it'd take a real connection with someone to make me want to settle down. And even then, it's hard to be the one in a relationship if your other friends are out playing the field and having a great time. Everyone else seems to be in the same mindset too, so even if you find someone you like, they're probably going to be so distracted by other people that they're not going to give you the time and consideration you deserve.
- what are three things that you look for in men?
1. individuality, 2. confidence, 3. intellect
- what are three things you can't stand?
1. making lewd comments about women, 2. cockiness, 3. lack of confidence
- what is a deal-breaker that would hold you back from a guy, even if everything else was great? lack of any future goals/immaturity
- in a city full of singles, why are so few people in relationships? with so many singles there is a lot to explore. maybe being with one person is hard with so many options around.
- has a man ever surprised you in the first few dates in a way that made you genuinely happy, and renewed your faith in men? yes, coming across people who don't feel like they have to play games (i.e. wait to call, wait to text back, wait to show kindness and interest)
what are three things that you look for in men?
1. confidence; 2. looks; 3. intelligence
- what are three things you can't stand?
1. pettiness; 2. having no manners; 3. insecurity
- what is a deal-breaker that would hold you back from a guy, even if everything else was great?
if he does drugs (any kind of outlawed substance)
- in a city full of singles, why are so few people in relationships?
people *always* think there is someone else better out there.
- has a man ever surprised you in the first few dates in a way that made you genuinely happy, and renewed your faith in men?
no, not yet unfortunately.
- what are three things that you look for in men?
sense of humor, intelligence, and kindness
- what are three things you can't stand?
arrogance, disrespectful behavior, and ignorance
- what is a deal-breaker that would hold you back from a guy, even if everything else was great?
lack of intellect and drive. unfortunately, dealing with this right now and even though it may make me sound pretentious i just believe that for long-run every woman deserves someone who challenges them and can make them grow as a person.
- in a city full of singles, why are so few people in relationships?
everyone has their guard up in ny and because of this it's really hard to meet people in general and when someone does approach you, it's hard to let that guard down and actually give them a chance. it seems the best way to meet people here is to meet them through a mutual friend, that way they've already been vetted by someone you trust and therefore, the chances of success are higher.
- has a man ever surprised you in the first few dates in a way that made you genuinely happy, and renewed your faith in men?
yes, he was completely genuine and direct with me, and did not play any games. games are futile in general and people should just be real with each other from the very beginning...it will save you from much headache later. guys, take note!
