Text Messaging Tips

January 30, 2010

Sadly, I don’t usually get a chance to respond to all the questions we get sent… we’re working to make our video blogs a once a day thing, and in the meantime, we all appreciate your patience when you send a question in and don’t hear from us right away. But every now and then someone writes in, and I’m sitting right by the email and I’m able to get back with a quick response :) So please enjoy this very brief text messaging breakdown I shared with “D”. My annotations are in italics.

> Sunday, Jan. 17 4:25 pm
> D:
> “Hi there…my sister gave me your #. We should meet for coffee
> tomorrow at some point if you’re free.
>
Coulda introduced yourself better. “hey, this is your future best
friend named D! my sis gave my ur number and said we’d get along
:)”

then you went straight for asking her out instead of building rapport.
she smelled your agenda a mile away.

> Sun, Jan 17 6:04 pm
> M:
> Hey, it’s nice to hear from you, coffee sounds good, but im going to
> the suburbs to see my dad, he just got home from the hospital but i
> might be back in the evening or else another night this week?
>
> Sun, Jan. 17, 6:58 pm
> D:
> In that event, why don’t we get together later in the week? How’s
> Friday look for you? I’m also down there on Thursdays.
>

don’t ask girls out on friday for the first time, weekends are for
friends and boyfriends weeknights are for dates. also the way you ask
a girl out is to say “when are you available next week?” so that
you’re not just throwing out possible dates.

> Sun, Jan. 17, 8:40 pm
> M:
> Friday is my birthday actually :) but thursday could work
>
> Sun, Jan 17, 9:25 pm
> D:
> Alright, Thursday it is then. Now we just have to figure out where and when.
>

no vibing off her birthday, you’re just straight to the point of
asking her out. she’s giving you so much to play with and you just
keep pressing towards asking her out. this exchange isn’t fun for her
or making her smile, it’s just some guy asking her out with logistics.

> Monday, Jan 18, 10:36 am
> Sorry for delayed response, thursday sounds good!
>
> Monday, Jan 18, 11:04 am
> D:
> No worries. How about Iguana Cafe at 6 PM? We can meet there or I can
> pick you up?
>
way to soon to respond after she took 12 hours to respond.

> M:
> Sounds good! i can just meet you there since you have to be somewhere
> after, thats probably easiest
>
> D:
> Cool, I will see you there on Thurs. :)
>

you should have been texting with her between then an thurs. but
since your whole exchange up to this point was only about asking her
out and not about having fun and building intrigue and rapport, you
didn’t have anything to say.

> * * *
> Thursday, Jan 21 3:40 pm.
> Hey, im at the doctor, i left work early with a horrible sore throat,
> they are testing me for strep :( so tonite probably wont work, i dont
> wanna give u germs plus i feel miserable, i feel bad but hopefully we
> can reschedule!
>
> Thurs., Jan 21, 4:15 pm
> D:
> Well, I would take my chances ;)…but it’s probably best that you
> rest and get healthy again. We can get together once you’re feeling
> better
>
indicating way too much interest in the first sentence.

> M:
> Strep test was positive, trust me u dont want this! at least i got an
> antibiotic, what a fun birthday im gonna have :( lets try next week?
>
> D:
> That really sux. Nobody should be sick on their birtday. Yeah, let’s
> do it next week. I’ll check back w/you in a few to figure out details.
> Feel better, gorgeous
>
don’t call her gorgeous, that’s lame. also you could have been cuter
like “awww booooo illness is lame, yeah no worries we’ll figure out
something else” but again by this point you shoulda had a lot more
rapport

> * * *
> Jan 22, 12:08 pm
> D:
> I’m known for calling my friends on their birthdays and doing my best
> Elvis impression, but you’re already ill and I wouldn’t want to make
> your condition worse
>
> Jan 22, 2:03 pm
> M:
> Haha, thats funny, im in bed all drugged up on nyquil, thanks for the thought!
>
> Jan 22, 2:16 pm
> (***I suspect I fucked up somewhere in the following exchange***)
> D: My jokes tend to be funnier if the other person is on some
> mind-altering substance or another
>

you messed up way before this… sorry chief!

> Next message, sent at 2:20 pm
> Anyway…hopefully there’s something there to make the day a little
> less miserable…like a Golden Girls marathon on tv or something along
> those lines
>

> On Monday, January 25, I sent her the following text message:
> Hey, how are you feeling? Do you wanna try again this Thursday?

don’t go straight to asking her for a date. lame and goal oriented. re-establish rapport and make her laugh and smile instead
We are coming out with a program on Text Messaging VERY soon – it’s in “testing” right now and feedback has been awesome so far :) Hope you enjoyed this – now go make some girls smile!

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Pickup Your Game

Comments

Gregory Magarshak

I don't know I think the guy appeared very genuine and non-gamey in his texts, which is good. She was responsive and told him details like birthday, being sick, etc. Where he said he messed up that's where it went downhill indeed. You can't just go right back to asking her out after such a break. Mes around a bit, cheer her up. A quick "how are you feeling?" and "I have an idea..." would do the trick. But other than that, was ok. Oh and he called her gorgeous after she said she was sick, that was sweet.

stephennash

Wow - this is really useful Christian, great post. I recently asked a girl out on a Sunday for the following Saturday...which creates the huge issue of 6 days of lag time. Here's the key though: by vibing early and often in a flirtatious way, you can create open threads that can lead to intermittent vibing throughout the week. For example, at one point we discussed the horrors of sugar free swedish fish candy...(can't exactly recall why, but that was the topic). So, on Tuesday I emailed her a link with the subject line that read: "It exists...The Horror". This led to a fun back and forth that allowed for some flirting and tension creation...all leading to a LOT of excitement before our time together.

So, when Christian says here that there is a lot of material offered by her (birthday, for example) this is not only GREAT for now, but also for later - when you might really need it.

Sn.

'D' Goes Down In Flames

Thanks for the feedback, guys. Needless to say, I'm embarrassed and humbled by this experience; all I can do at this point is learn from it and move on. I hope the posting of this exchange will help prevent others from making the same mistakes I made.

stephennash

Dude - this is exactly the way to IMPROVE. Forget about your ego, particularly on a blog...and you're not only helping yourself, but all the other guys who read here. IME, you're the guy who gets better.

Ace

Ouch! that was painful to read...I don't mean to come across as if I'm being mean but reading things like this make me cringe. Now I don't claim to be the best at texting. Hell I'll be the first to admist i screw up sometimes but one thing is for certain you came on waaaaayyyyy too strong way to fast. Personally my first text to this girl would've been something like this;

Hey there, my sis gave me your number, I hope youre as cool as she made you sound! :P

It seems you should've kept things light and fun at first instead of diving in right away and expecting her to respond so positively. Also this allows you to get to know her more, so that when youre out on the date you don't play twenty questions. The date itself should be the two of you enjoying eachothers company and having fun together, it shouldn't feel like an interview. which I'm sure you werent intending it to be but that's where it would turn to.

Also after the first few exchanges of text call her. Don't be afraid of calling her that was a mistake I had made in the past. You end up condeming yourself to just texting.

ahmedgottliebchan

If you're interested in this sort of thing, get your hands on a copy of B4 U TXT HER, Race's primer on text game. Amazing stuff! Worth every cent, it's paying me back in dividends. Not sure if it's officially released yet but I got mine when I bought my copy of Unbreakable.

Cheers!

AGC

Edit: Oops, seems like Christian already mentioned it at the end! Just wanted to reiterate that this shit is dynamite! I tested it on several female friends before using it on prospects and the responses have been unequivocally amazing from both camps! Go TSM!

Alexander

This is a follow up from earlier.

Also, I never end the last sentence with punctuation, on any txt message or email. I think it makes the message seem off-the-cuff and not so calculated.

Me: J, don't look now, but I think we're being set-up

Her: who is this

Me: Alexander, or what ever rolls off the tongue. Mr. v was feeling generous with your # the other night

Her: Was he.. How interesting. Do you have a photo

Me: I might be able to conjure one up, what's your fax number?

Her: u r going to fax me a photo?

Me: I'd send it over with my messenger pigeon, but he's been kinda flaky lately

(then i speak with her friend and he mentions that she asked him if i'm cocky)

Me: Word on the street is you called me cocky. I believe that's profiling, I'm offended

Her: In passing I suppose I did- r u sending a photo? What else did F say I said :)

(Getting smiles from her was like pulling teeth. Jaded tens..)

Me: Oh, so now all guys that like to kid around are being thrown into the cocky pool. That's cold. What's your email

I told him I have a strict no broker policy. Then he told me how charming, successful, and stunningly attractive you are; how could I pass that up

(Normally I wouldn't have complimented her but I didn't want to come off a dick, because I never met her previously. In retrospect it was a bad idea.)

Her: x@email.com

Her: Where are you from? How old are you?

Me: Ok, DJ Mysterious, give me a couple minutes (made a joke about her email address)

Her: Send several please. Here I realize I'm sounding jappy.. but valid question

Me: Are you planning to make a collage for me? That's sweet of you

(Then everything is carried over to email. It gets funnier, and the only reason I was acting like I didn't give a shit, was because I really didn't. She never got the pictures, and I was still able to close as planned. I never ask for a date unless I know 100% I've peaked enough interest to have her follow through with it. I usually know it's on when they make the suggestion of meeting up. I'll put together some other conversations in the future if anyone finds this useful.)

A

JCH

LOVE THIS. thanks so much for sharing Alexander. I hope you will share some more - maybe on the forum? EVERYONE ELSE - there is a ton to learn from this - maybe we can get Race (our resident text ninja) to break it down from his perspective :)

Sotiris

Hey dude because you really need help my suggestion is to buy a book about NLP it will really help you to build raptor.

P.S. Hey, have you ever heard the word "neg"

Rover B

Hi Christian,

The above, with your suggestions, is helpful. I can relate in that I get very goal oriented for a date.

What would add some value to the above is if you can make suggestions about:
* generally; time periods to wait before sending the next text.
* things to put in that next text that would build rapport and, or, be fun,
without
seeming too interested, and interested enough ?
what things to tell about myself, without loosing intrigue ? and builds rapport ?
I noticed there was no sexual innuendo. Is that better left for the first meeting ?

Thanks
Warm Regards

Alexander

Personally, I keep a rule of thumb to never use smile faces, it shows too much interest on your side.

Tonight I'll throw together a conversation I had a couple weeks ago where an friend was trying to set me up with a girlfriend he works with. The girl is a ten. The conversation was hilarious. Stay tuned...

JCH

Hey Alexander, looking forward to seeing it! But regarding not using smiley faces, I couldn't disagree more - when used right, emoticons are so important!

DG

you are so gay. ;p

see, nobody thinks he is because I did it right!

:)

Perseverance

Great post! Really eye opening. I like advice based on real interactions!

Kurt

One thing I like about text messaging for teaching purposes is you see the interaction unfold in slow motion, and the instructor can point out individual moments that helped or hurt the interaction. Also, even though you hear that "how you say it is more important than what you say", an exchange like this shows how important what you say really is. Is there some way to use non-verbals to make a statement like "feel better, gorgeous" work in this case? I don't think so.

numberonevinay

I get in this mindset sometimes. I actually had similar experience early last week with a girl that originally expressed interest in me. In my head, I thought "well she's already into me," so I just kept swinging for the date. Needless to say, I blew it with a really attractive girl because I was too lazy to develop rapport first.

Envee kind of touched on this, but I find it helpful remind myself to relax and realize there is no rush. TSM had a chapter on screening and qualifying in Unbreakable which I'm reminded of when we talk about getting stuck in this mindset. Determine your standards and adhere to them. The DVD gets into the implications of that, how it relates to s&q, and where to go from there. But, check it out; it was worth it for me.

Timothy Thomas

The girl really liked him and gave him lots of material to vibe on. Just knowing her Dad is in the hospital? That is an opportunity to demonstrate some compassion and interest in her life from the start. He basically ignored anything that wasn't about his agenda to date. This is not a sales call, it's a DATE! Relate to your potential date, not your datebook, guy!

caseyforever

i liked these... but i'd like to see some examples of a successfully executed thread of texts.

Envee

There's really no rush to meet up, if you give yourself plenty of time to hangout, leave plenty of time between texts (time and a half rule applies) then you wont feel like you need to set up a date asap or you're going to lose her. The elvis line showed some character, but if he introduced character in the beginning and stayed congruent and confident, that's really all there is to it. I've had huge success since I got good with text messaging.

DG

jesus dude, i know you are supposed to set up a date, but you gotta get to know her, right? Were you going to bring a 20 point checklist on the date and quiz her all night long, that's where I saw this going. Not to be too harsh, I used to be too cold on the phone myself, trust me getting girls without rapport just makes them feel used, not fun for anyone involved.

Cjay858

Interesting read Christian. I find it fascinating how common this kind of mindset is for lots of guys. I"m no expert but i've helped a few friends with their text game in a similar way. Just reading and understanding these core concepts can be a huge game changer. Although important, Logistics = ZzZzzz Boring

marcospolo

There were several points in this exchange where my first thought was - "stop being a boy and pick up the phone and call."

Joker

Ouch.....

Adam

don’t ask girls out on friday for the first time, weekends are for
friends and boyfriends weeknights are for dates.

that true in college too? especially at my school (ivy league, filled with overachievers, even very cute ones!), i can only imagine the response rate asking girls out on weeknights :)

thanks christian, awesome post!

JCH

Hey Adam, in college it's definitely different... Sundays are generally good date nights if you can squeeze 'em in. But of course, I'd suggest you get things going socially first. If you haven't read Conquer Your Campus, it's highly advised! www.conqueryourcampus.com