I track our email newsletter "stats" regularly - how many people actually open and click through - and, depending on the subject line, about 40-50% of you regularly read our messages. That is nearly unheard of in this dating advice industry, and it tells me that, despite never having met or even communicated with many of you one on one, there is a solid relationship here. I value every moment that you direct towards our thoughts, opinions, and advice; as this year and this decade rolls to a close, and as I pass my 30th year on this earth, I couldn't ask for much more than what your readership has given me.
The longer that I spend in this "job," if I can be so blessed as to call it that, the more I see how many of us are seeking something beyond that which brought us here. Whatever life event made you decide that you should seek some advice on becoming better with women - whether it be a copy of "The Game" that your friend handed you, a bitter breakup, or a random, late-night trip through the back alleys of the Internet - if you're still here, it says something about what you want for yourself and your life. A search for a deeper truth, and an understanding of the patterns that move us in and out of lust and love.
If there is one great truth I've learned, it is that the thing we're all seeking is inside of us. It's one of life's little clichés that turns out to be true. And at the risk over overusing a word that we overuse to begin with, I'd suggest that the thing we all seek is a firm grasp on our values, and a sense of our own value.
A notion of what is right and wrong for each of us, and the knowledge, skill and passion to live our lives accordingly.
A fire inside of us, that compels us to push beyond fear and doubt, go after what we want, and create something great in this world.
So I ask you - where is the source of your strength? What code guides you, gives you confidence to go after what you want, and compels you forward? Let's leave the tactics and the "game" and the things to say out of it right now... I'm talking about the *thing* that moves you.
In the past, I've been greatly moved by fear, greed and ego... I've been guilty of bringing people into my life, not to enrich theirs, but to fill some hole in my own. And inevitably, I lost those people when I became insecure, deceptive, or when they saw a deep flaw of my character that my own ego and fear had kept me from addressing.
Fear, greed and ego are evil triplets of the same DNA, and will confounded a person's ability to be effective in love and in life. They impose restrictions on what one can truly know and love about oneself, and the extent to which a person will open up and share with others.
Moving beyond the self for a moment, when we look at much of the turmoil in the world today, from the Iranian government's pursuit of the bomb, to the lockdown on the media in Venezuela, to the genocide in Darfur, we can point to the same root causes - people and regimes who are driven by fear, greed and self-preservation.
Despite these evils, it's hard to argue that the world we live in today isn't the best we've ever had. Advancements in medicine, communications, transportation, finance, and education have made us all richer. Our average standard of living, across the globe, is higher than it's ever been, and while inequalities and imbalances exist, you can be sure that there is an NGO, nonprofit, or YouTube channel devoted to righting wrongs where they exist. The last two years have been difficult - ruthlessly so in some cities and industries - but is seems that in the last ten years, our values and our systems have been mercilessly tested, and have survived.
And advancements continue unabated. I believe that to be the nature of humanity and of industry. Even in our tiny little industry, we've seen an evolution of how men are taught to be better with women. For every man I meet who wants to indulge in casual sex, I meet five who want to become better men. That's not to say that the two are opposed - many men can only achieve their desire by passing through it's opposite. And for those who want casual sex, there is more information and instruction out there than ever before about how to achieve it.
But this fact alone underscores the most important point. Advancements in industry are often value-neutral. Nuclear technology can be used to provide energy, or wipe out a city. Advancements in communications can be used to send good tidings, or to spread hate. And advancements in the art and science of attraction can be used to bring more love and excitement to the women in our lives, or to satisfy the fear, greed and ego of a weak person.
I find it fascinating that so many of humanity's advancements have been developed for "defense" purposes or agencies. Gunpowder, the Internet, the list goes on... and it could be argued that many men who seek advice on getting their dating life handled come into the fold as a matter of defense. They've been hurt or are lonely, and never want to feel that way again. Their quest to become better with women starts not to give, but to protect. I've been in that place before, and I speak of it not pejoratively, but sympathetically.
So, as with all advances, what a person does with this material all comes down to how it is applied... and that is a matter of values and principals. The same values and principals which, when discovered, provide us with unbreakable strength, confidence and passion. To go after what we want, and to bring others into our lives, knowing that we will leave them better than they were before.
The imperative that we all share is to make this world better for others. An advancement cannot be said to be complete until it has had a moral principal applied to it that works to the benefit of other human beings. To the extent that anything we've provided you has been an advancement in knowledge, skills or action, my sincere hope is that you find the opportunity to enrich the lives of women, friends and family with it. As one of the great philosophers of His day advised, my hope would be that you "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
So as this decade comes to a close, and as we have a chance to reflect during the holidays, I hope you will join me in making a commitment to yourself to continued self-improvement, and the dedication to serve others. On our end, we have a lot of great stuff coming in 2010, and it continues to be our privilege to help you discover the awesome, fun, loving person inside of yourself, and share it with the world. We all wish you the very best during
this special time of year.
Peace,
Christian
