A big part of being good at meeting women is *enjoying* the act of meeting women.  Because let's face it, if you're not enjoying the act of talking with a woman - whether you're nervous, annoyed, tired, whatever - she's going to notice. Your mood and attitude is going to rub off, and she's not going to feel good.  And making a woman feel bad is exactly the wrong way to meet her.

So this gets into a concept that is popular these days called "self-amusement".  One guru, for whom I generally have a lot of respect, advocates that you go out and just self-amuse.

But what does this really mean?

For me, it means that I'm literally enjoying the act of talking.  As I think of words and as I speak them, it feels good.  I've recently taken to spouting off British catch-phrases I learn from my flatmate (er... housemate) because I get a kick out of saying them.  Like, it is *verbal play*.

In fact, every man I've seen who is good at meeting women enjoys speaking, and does it a lot in a way that amuses them.  Stephen Nash talks like a poet from time to time.  Nick Sparks loves to play with sexual innuendo.  Asian Rake David tells stories about his travels.

The point is that we simply like to talk.  To women, to men, whatever.  We've figured out ways to do it that make it FUN for us to go out and socialize.

Of course, this has to be calibrated.  A Social Man knows to lower the push/pull when he goes out to dinner with a mixed group of lawyers and bankers.  Some pickup guys I've met become so enamored with their own personalities, and ability to provoke reactions in people, that they can't turn it down when the social setting calls for it.  Others clam up entirely - I know two VERY well respected guys in the pickup community who every single one of my friends thought were losers because they couldn't have a conversation if they weren't in a bar or on the center of a stage.

And why is that?  Well, some guys just don't like the act of socializing unless it is having an effect on people. And deep down, people can ALWAYS tell if you are saying something to have an effect, or because you truly enjoy saying it.

So to me, self-amusement is speaking in a way and about things that you truly enjoy.  If it means affecting dramatic pause or a british accent, try it out.  I think you'll find that the more playful you are, the more you enjoy speaking.

Now there's a second part to this, to which I alluded already.  Being a good Social Man means being calibrated. I know of a person with Tourettes - that's the mental affliction where you swear involuntarily - who says that when he swears, its like an itch that he has to scratch. He literally gets a "mental itch", and the only way he can scratch it is to say some words that, even given the adult theme of this blog, are not suitable for reprinting. Needless to say, even though he is "self-amusing" in the sense of making himself feel good, the words coming out of his mouth don't make others feel good.

So what is good game, then?  Well, it is when other people are as amused by you as you are by yourself.  When they feel good about you talking, and you feel good about talking, that's attractive.

And it all comes from a place of genuinely enjoying what you're talking about, and the act of talking itself.