Escalation on Skype/Video Chat

[aleams]

I am talking with a girl right now (obviously not RIGHT now, I just got off the line with her) on Skype and I don't know how it is turning out. This girl is the hottest girl I have seen in my life (no lie). She was interested in me enough to go on Skype (obviously a test), how do I pass it?

Especially since the ability of touching used heavily in SREM and other models of escalation is taken away as an impossiblility, how can you give her and yourself that pleasure from it all?

P.S. No she is not a cam model.

[Brendan]

Be fun, dude. Relax. Remember to screen & qualify HER- you're a catch, act like it! Let's say, for example, that spontaneity is something you like in girls. Pick something spontaneous that you have done- go on a road trip to Montreal for the weekend just because with a couple of friends, or maybe you like girls who are into sports, or at least follow them- ask her if she watched the Super Bowl, for example. Don't get into a debate about whether Drew Brees or Peyton Manning is better (unless she initiates the debate, then by all means, go right ahead and send me this girl's number). Ask her about the ads- what was her favorite one?

So, first item- screen & qualify. It's the only "gamey" thing that I use when I'm talking to girls. Second item- pick something that you guys might have in common, try to connect on that. I picked watching the Super Bowl because almost everyone does, so it's pretty easy, but if you know some of the same people that's also a plus.

I wouldn't skype her for too long. If it's going well (and you're interested) ask for her number, make sure she gets your text while you're skyping, and move along. Don't forget to report back to us, we'd love to hear from you!

[ahmedgottliebchan]

What's the story behind it, aleams?

[aleams]

Alright, which story? I will tell you the story about the super hottie. (You asked for it... haha)

I go on dating websites, usually I find girls that I find to be unattractive or bat-shit crazy, in this case she was intimidatingly gorgeous and so far not crazy in the least bit. I tend to grow an extra pair of man's game when I am online.

This was the message I sent to her.

"How's it goin? Yes, I actually did read your profile and you and I actually have a lot in common. I am impressed. I love to watch How I Met Your Mother and Dexter. Jason Segel is one of my favorite comedy actors right now thanks to that show and the movies he has done since. Did you catch this past season finale of Dexter?.. What a wicked ending!

So if you haven't gotten the message yet. I decided to message you because I think we could make for great friends or whatever feels right and based off of your profile, I need to surround myself with people like you. I'm straightforward so I say it, don't hate it. haha

Funny how you mentioned how you like to sing the Pokemon theme song, I randomly woke up from a nap in the computer lab during class singing that song last week. (In my defense, I had barely gotten any sleep and I dosed off for only 5 minutes, I think. haha) I have had that song and "I'll make a man out of you" from Mulan stuck in my head for the past couple of weeks now. I love it. haha

Since you did mention Pokemon, who is your favorite pokemon? Did you only play/collect for the card game or the Game Boy or both?

Anyway, I would love to hear back from you sometime. Have a great one!

Peace,
Andrew"

Now the first thing in your head is... Damn, he said WAY too much and was already making her the prize and not making yourself the prize. (I'm still learning, though struggling) I do admit I do that too often, but I made up for it over time and got this in a response from her.

"You keep getting more and more amazing every time I get a message from you. I didn't know that was possible."

Well, from there I moved it to Facebook and in a FB chat convo (the first one we had), she wanted to go on Skype and chat with me. (A test, fo show) Well, #1 - I was currently chatting with another woman on Skype and #2 - I didn't feel prepared. In my messages with her on the site, I had witty funny things to say about everything. She would ask me a question about my favorite beverage or something and I answered to one of them, "That's a trick question - The answer is 'bear'."

Well, I told her I couldn't probably do it that night. Once I got my chance to, I took it and I ended up chatting with her. She is even more gorgeous in video... Well, she also is super cool (which I thought was impossible for beautiful women to be cool too). Anyway, I had trouble keeping up the conversation at times, she was decently responsive. I don't know how different she was since she claims that she was currently sick. That could have been a BS excuse, but I'm still learning these things. (Wish I could say this was the first and only time that has happened to me)

Well, after hanging up with her, which was kind of awkward on both of our parts now that I think of it. I tried to think of how I could have improved and Nick's step by step in SREM came to mind. I tried to imagine seducing a woman online, but without touch I cannot see it working.

There is nothing more I want in the world than to be with her and seduce that woman. On a scale of 1 to Kate Beckinsale she is a Megan Fox. We can say whatever we want about how Kate is hotter than Megan or Megan is hotter than Kate, but the fact is she is absolutely gorgeous and I don't want to mess this up. I feel like I have made a comeback, but like the Saints I want to dominate in the end game.

That's my story. Boy meets girl online, girl seems somewhat interested but wants to put boy through test in order to see if he passes her qualifications, boy talks with her on video chat and may or may have not passed. (Should be the other way, but I have trouble in the dominating of our frame) I haven't talked with her since (which was last night), because I don't know where to go from here and I don't want to beat a dead horse.

My questions still remain. How can you seduce and build sexual tension if you cannot touch her? Sure, that should theoretically make her want to touch you more, but how do you make her do that?

Unless there is a better question I should be asking, because after telling this long story I feel there is something better I should be asking.

And yes, by the time you finish reading this message it will be 2011.

[ahmedgottliebchan]

That sounds like a massive inconvenience you need to get over by meeting her in person as soon as possible.

[aleams]

I got her number, but you are saying don't try on skype? Or are you saying... actually I guess I do not understand exactly what you are trying to say.

[ahmedgottliebchan]

You can't seduce her without touching her.

I'm saying there's only so much you can do on Skype, so your goal should not be to escalate on the Internet (an impossible feat); rather, it should be to arrange a meeting so you can escalate in person.

However, what you can do is keep the interaction light and fun so she'll want to meet you in person. And don't spend too much time doing so. She's still just a girl you noticed online, no matter how hot she is. If seducing her just became your number one priority, then I'm sorry to say that you've got your priorities wrong. Try to really get to know who she is as a human being, rather than just pursuing her for her looks alone.

You also mentioned she's not crazy in the least bit. My observation: so far. You've only chatted a few times. This is a good opportunity for some playful screening, as the craziest girls sometimes are the ones that seem the most normal in the beginning, and their craziness only shows once you've really gotten to know them.

[Aurelius]

From my experience, I agree with Ahmed.

I see it as this. When you meet a girl, we all know how important it is to psychically escalate.

The same thing goes over the net. You want to escalate. The end goal is to get to see her in person. From dating site, to FB/MSN/ to skype/phone number to actually meeting somewhere.

Keep the conversation light, fluff talk, build up some sexual tension so she doesn't box you as her friend.

The main problem is that guys stick to writing and they think it is going great. They have a written relationship of some sort, in the end talking about their secrets, sexual fantasies etc. building up this huge expectations that usually ends with the girl backing out or gets disappointed when she meets the guy (or the other way around). Plenty of reasons why this happen, but that is going to be a too long post.

Conclusion is that you want to escalate to the point that you meet her, then take it from there.

Otherwise you may end up spending a lot of time writing with her, while some other guy satisfies her in bed. But hey, look on the bright side. She might be fantasizing about you...

[Brendan]

@Aurelius: lol, well put.

I agree that you must escalate to seeing her in person. I have a couple of friends that I rarely see- one that I haven't seen for 5 years (even though I talk to her semi-regularly) and another that I used to see more frequently but now that I don't row anymore that will see less often. I am somewhat close to both but affirmatively in the friend zone with both as well. Understand- I don't really care in these two cases, but it would feel... odd for me to escalate physically with either of them. Don't get lumped into that category if that's not what you want! You told her that you want to surround yourself with people like her, so... do it! Invite her to a party, or, if you'd rather, invite her to grab some coffee with you (but don't ask her out to dinner).

You are absolutely right that you can't seduce someone online, so don't waste time trying.

[aleams]

Okay, but if she is 45 minutes away, how do I work with that?