The Art of the Gentleman

[aleams]

This morning felt like a scene from Knocked Up. I turned over in my bed to find a beautiful woman smiling at me, wanting me to get breakfast with her. I just slept with a beautiful woman last night.

Welll... Kind of. More like last night she drank too much and so I held her hair back as she threw up into a toilet to the point of exhaustion. So I had her sleep on my bed and I slept on the floor, which was not comfortable. About 8am, I woke up and she was awake and asked me if I wanted to join her up there. So we shared my bed until the very moment that I turned over to find her smiling face looking at me.

I went out on a date with her a couple of nights ago, it went really well. One thing that caught my eye was when we were walking into the movie theatre, she had us sit all the way in the back. You know what that means? Well, that didn't happen. In fact, she made it known to me when the main character made out with his dream girl that the girl was cheating. My girl technically has a boyfriend still, but refuses to break up with him because she is stupid and only likes him for his dick. I know how to pick them don't I... So I took that as a sign that she doesn't want to do anything with me tonight.

Well, last night as I held her hair back, she told some guy how she wanted to sleep with him. Yeah, I guess I am the "Nice Guy" now. I had that confirmation after breakfast when she gave me a hug and thanked me for being there for her last night.

I am not saying I was asking for a BJ or anything. In fact, she was nice enough to pay for my breakfast this morning. (I paid tons of bucks on her a couple nights ago, so it's pretty even now)

My story was supposed to have a great ending, but instead it ended in a bust. I wish I had something better to tell you guys.

Well, lately I have been thinking about my social life and why I can't seem to keep a girl in it. For example, I have been talking with a girl I met from a dating site a couple days ago. This girl basically tells me she wants me badly and how amazing I am. Then out of nowhere, she stopped texting me or talking to me a couple of days ago. I know I wasn't being too obsessed with her, so I know I wasn't freaking her out. It just came out of nowhere. So again, I am left alone.

So, I have come to another conclusion, maybe I am too nice. I am not talking about a "wussy", I am talking about how I carry myself. I feel like sometimes I am too open about myself and I am not playful enough. When I tease, I come off as an asshole. I barely know how to be a sexual man by how I carry myself. These things are required of the Unbreakable man, but most importantly the gentleman.

That is the approach I am going for, I want to not have to tease in order to attract women into my life. I am not really into how the community is all about negging and teasing a girl as a means to attract them. They have their reasons, but I don't feel you need that to be great with women. In fact, I think you can do just as well without it. That's why I love Unbreakable, TSM wants you all to just be who you are and not a carbon copy of them.

This is where my question begins... I want to learn how to attract women, while still being a gentleman. I want to be pulling back the hair of a girl who actually wants me even when she is sober and not looking at other men while I am the only one caring for her in her moment of vulnerability.

No teacher I know of promotes being a gentleman (they assume everyone already knows how to be one, but that it is not necessary), instead to be internally and externally confident. Which is a key aspect of the gentleman, but not even half of what it means to be one. I define a gentleman in three dimensions - Respectful, Confident, Intriging. Pretty much I am asking, how can I attract and keep women into my life while being nice without being a wussy or having to tease her?

[ahmedgottliebchan]

Well, what are you good at? You could consider becoming very career-oriented and playing the provider card instead.

Oh yeah, and next time don't sleep on the floor. Couches exist for a reason (vomit-proof it then let the drunks sleep there).

If you live near one of the TSM cities, maybe consider live training? I'd say it might be worth it.

[ablosser]

that's some pretty complex shit man... i feel like your acting like a modern day gentleman and not a true gentleman... modern day gentlemen are the guys that are always trying to please or help out a woman other than the way he is... a gentleman in its true form is a guy who cares for a woman just by simply being manly, masculine man; think of a knight in the medieval times: he was daring, courageous, strong, and he could protect his woman and give her the love she wanted. I think that this is the kind of gentleman you need to become, not one that goes out of his way to make a woman like him by holding up her hair even if she doesn't like you back... that's the situation a friend should be in, not a masculine guy; she won't remember you as the strong "knight" kind of guy, she's gonna remember u as the guy who went out of his way to hold he hair up while she fucking puked...

so basically to kind of answer ur question, i think you should work on becoming much more masculine; and a masculine guy is the real kind of gentlemen that women want... if you really want a guide to help you become a masculine guy that takes care of and loves women but isn't going out of his way to help them, I'd definitely recommend David DeAngelo's "How to Be A Man" DVD series... it really does help u become a masculine guy

cheers,
Drew

[aleams]

Originally Posted by ahmedgottliebchan

Well, what are you good at? You could consider becoming very career-oriented and playing the provider card instead.

Oh yeah, and next time don't sleep on the floor. Couches exist for a reason (vomit-proof it then let the drunks sleep there).

If you live near one of the TSM cities, maybe consider live training? I'd say it might be worth it.

Poetry mainly. I want to be a writer, but my goal is to manage a non-profit as a marketer. I'm in college right now to get my degree, that would be difficult to be the provider. I don't believe I should be providing anything more then a great atmosphere at this point.

Those two couches were already taken by three others. So, I didn't really get any other option.

I don't have the money for live training. The money I have goes to school, living (housing and food), and fraternity. Also, I don't believe they do Chicago, which would be the closest location for me.

[aleams]

Hmm... I still feel like maybe people do not understand what I am going for here.

Yes, I would say your definition of me is correct in some ways. But I do not believe that a gentleman has to be ultra-masculine. I am speaking more in ways of being kind without being a wussy.

In my case, she didn't have any friends to hold back her hair. Not only that, but I wasn't doing it so she would sleep with me. I did it because I am (or at least I try) to be a good man. Believe me, I gave up on this girl a long time ago. I was only using this all as an example of what it means to be nice and still rejected. That is what inspires these thoughts. How can I become that good man, but not having to be C&F or neg or whatever you want to call it?

At what point, do I have to disregard my personal morals when it comes to how to respectfully treat a woman?

[ablosser]

dude, i'm not saying be "ultra-masculine"... and anyways, being kind w/out being a wussy is being masculine... i remember David D saying this once(paraphrasing), "Girls always tell me how nice I am, but I accomplish this in a non-wussy way. How? by doing it on my own terms." so basically if you want to do a nice gesture for her like leave some flowers or something, then do it when it's least expected, like some random day that ur feeling good on... or like what nick and christian say, give the girl a genuine compliment that is usually specific so she knows it's not some line u remembered and look her straight in the eyes while saying it... this shows ur a confident, masculine, AND nice guy (b/c of the compliment)

and regards to the hair-holding thing... i think it's fine, just DON"T make it a regular thing; like maybe u could bring it up and say something like, "hey remember that time when i held ur hair when u were puking... GOD that was gross! I can't believe I did that. I am such a fucking nice guy. Ur so lucky that u have such a good friend like me... but i don't think i'm gonna do the whole 'hair-holding thing while u puke' thing again hahaha"...

that's what i would say if i had done that... say it in a kind of cocky tone when u say "I am such a fucking nice guy" b/c then she'll realize u weren't doing it as a wussy move and more a of a masculine gesture of kindness.

that's all i have to say right now; hope it helps

peace,
Drew

[ahmedgottliebchan]

More important than material possessions is the inner drive to succeed. Play to your strengths; your empathy to others, your chivalry, your respect for the truth, and your capability to feel emotion on a deeper level than most men.

If you enhance that with a masculine edge, as ablosser suggested, then you're well on your way to developing an attractive multi-faceted personality. Look for the mindset behind the lines he suggested.

Eat lots of red meat. It will help you.

And never, ever disregard your personal morals.

For the record, if one of my female friends needed her hair held while she puked, I would do it every single time 100% without fail, but if it became a regular occurrence I'd set her straight for not keeping a handle on her alcohol consumption.

On a separate note, what kind of poems do you write?

[aleams]

Yes, but David D teaches you have to tease the girl all the time. In fact, that is mainly what he teaches through "Cocky/Funny", in order to show your confidence and have control of the frame.

A compliment is only worth as much as the sincerity behind it. Anyone can give a compliment, but to actually mean it is another question.

I do agree that masculinity is key, but it is debatable as to what degree of masculinity is still being respectful.

About my poetry, I write multiple types... Some verse, some lyrical, some couplets and a lot of free verse. My themes usually range from disappointment to hope to escape.

"Ur so lucky that u have such a good friend like me" - Do you really need to let her know that? That's being a little cocky I would imagine.

[ahmedgottliebchan]

Originally Posted by aleams

"Ur so lucky that u have such a good friend like me" - Do you really need to let her know that? That's being a little cocky I would imagine.

You don't have to be cocky like that, but look into the positive traits of the mindset of such a person and see how you can incorporate that into your own life in a way that makes it unique to your individuality.

Originally Posted by aleams

I do agree that masculinity is key, but it is debatable as to what degree of masculinity is still being respectful.

What would you consider disrespectful?

Concerning your poetry. Do you have any samples we can read?

[ablosser]

aleams, i completely agree and condone giving compliments but only when they're sincere, never just for the sake of complimenting her... and that little dialgue is just what i would say but i'm kind of naturally more cocky so w/e

but i don't think that all David D teaches is to tease, tease, tease; i think u might need to read over DYD book again... anyways, i feel like as this converstion progressed we'd probably start to disagree on what is respectable and what isn't, but all i can say is just always give sincere compliments when u see them and just keep working at this shit (as will I)...


Drew