How to Get A Girlfriend

ablosser · #1 12-30-2009, 10:04 PM

Hey everyone,
so i ran into this girl at a party that i used to know a while ago but hadn't seen her in years. I was in a great mood and immediately had a great vibe w/ her. we started dancing together and making out. then after the party i suggested that we go to get something to eat. we had a great time talking and i we both really like each other, so i told her to enter her phone number... so after we said goodbye, i went on a vacation the next for about a week... during the vacation we would send each other flirty and fun txt messages; anyways, my question is how do i get her to become my girlfriend (i've never really had one, just hookups so far)? thanks for any advice

drew

aleams · #2 12-31-2009, 04:13 PM

Based off of personal experience I also have never had a girlfriend, BUT lately I have been thinking about why I haven't had a girlfriend. I slept with two girls and almost slept with two others. Three of the four girls won't talk to me, the one would love to be with me but I am on the edge of how I feel about her.

I made a realization last night while watching The Notebook of all movies about why. It's all about patience.... You see, in that movie that couple waited to have sex until months into their relationship.

When I lost my virginity, I went on a date with the girl and then we went to my place and had sex, BUT it was after the sex that kept her liking me. We talked... We bullshitted about just life and ourselves. We didn't need to have sex in order to have a good night.

Every girl after wards, it was almost like business for me. I would sleep with the girl and then I would want to leave, or the girl would come over and right away I would go all the way instead of waiting for her to feel comfortable enough. They saw that I was only interested in them sexually. Yes, some girls are into that, but a majority are not.

The first thing I would advise you with is don't go for the gold right away. If this girl means something to you, wait it off and build the sexual tension until she is ripping the clothes off of your body to be with you. That doesn't mean you can't make out or something, that was my problem this year in dating. I never got a makeout or even a kiss after dates because I never felt comfortable enough or felt that she was comfortable enough. So I have played both sides of the line.. If you are a man of action then she will know you are interested in her, but if you don't cross the line then you will also tell her you are interested in her as more than a sexual object.

Go on some dates have fun with the girl, that is most important. If she likes you just as much after the fourth date you can pretty much consider yourself having a girlfriend.

My goal for 2009 is to have my first girlfriend and since Pocahontas is possibly transferring to my college maybe it can happen.

Anyways, good luck and I will keep my eye on this topic since I could use some tips myself.

ablosser · #3 12-31-2009, 09:28 PM

Ya, what you had to say kind of reinforced what i thought i should do... just spend more time w/ her than i would other girls and show more interest in her and become more connected w/ her, and after a while i could just consider her my gf... that's my theory anyways, correct me if i'm wrong people

Herakles · #4 01-01-2010, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aleams

Based off of personal experience I also have never had a girlfriend, BUT lately I have been thinking about why I haven't had a girlfriend. I slept with two girls and almost slept with two others. Three of the four girls won't talk to me, the one would love to be with me but I am on the edge of how I feel about her.

I made a realization last night while watching The Notebook of all movies about why. It's all about patience.... You see, in that movie that couple waited to have sex until months into their relationship.

When I lost my virginity, I went on a date with the girl and then we went to my place and had sex, BUT it was after the sex that kept her liking me. We talked... We bullshitted about just life and ourselves. We didn't need to have sex in order to have a good night.

Every girl after wards, it was almost like business for me. I would sleep with the girl and then I would want to leave, or the girl would come over and right away I would go all the way instead of waiting for her to feel comfortable enough. They saw that I was only interested in them sexually. Yes, some girls are into that, but a majority are not.

The first thing I would advise you with is don't go for the gold right away. If this girl means something to you, wait it off and build the sexual tension until she is ripping the clothes off of your body to be with you. That doesn't mean you can't make out or something, that was my problem this year in dating. I never got a makeout or even a kiss after dates because I never felt comfortable enough or felt that she was comfortable enough. So I have played both sides of the line.. If you are a man of action then she will know you are interested in her, but if you don't cross the line then you will also tell her you are interested in her as more than a sexual object.

Go on some dates have fun with the girl, that is most important. If she likes you just as much after the fourth date you can pretty much consider yourself having a girlfriend.

My goal for 2009 is to have my first girlfriend and since Pocahontas is possibly transferring to my college maybe it can happen.

Anyways, good luck and I will keep my eye on this topic since I could use some tips myself.

Great post aleams!
I agree with what you said.
In my own experience you can break it down to:

You have to develop a deep friendship with the girl in addition to the sex.

That doesnt mean that you shouldnt sleep with the girl on the first date, but the point you were making is good: she must know that you care for her!

thepromoter · #5 01-01-2010, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ablosser

Hey everyone,
so i ran into this girl at a party that i used to know a while ago but hadn't seen her in years. I was in a great mood and immediately had a great vibe w/ her. we started dancing together and making out. then after the party i suggested that we go to get something to eat. we had a great time talking and i we both really like each other, so i told her to enter her phone number... so after we said goodbye, i went on a vacation the next for about a week... during the vacation we would send each other flirty and fun txt messages; anyways, my question is how do i get her to become my girlfriend (i've never really had one, just hookups so far)? thanks for any advice

drew

couple questions:

What do you want in a girlfriend?

Do you really want a girlfriend at this stage of the game?

How do you know she meets the requirements of "your" girlfriend?

ablosser · #6 01-03-2010, 01:34 AM

well, like i said, i actually have known her for a while, so i know she meets all my requirements for a gf: sexy, smart, and funny, and fun... so i guess that answers all three questions

aleams · #7 01-03-2010, 06:17 PM

He asked you those questions for an important reason.

If you do not have the right intention going into the relationship it will never happen or work out. You have to know what you want and that she fulfills those needs you have right now.

As we all once talked about a couple months back, you have to have goals and make sure that you are in fact following those goals and not veering off the path. She might not be what you need right now or maybe she is everything you need, but it is something to put some time and actually think about.

Brendan · #8 01-04-2010, 02:41 PM

I made a post earlier today in the "another chance on NYE" thread that I would recommend reading.

I've had 5 girlfriends and the commonality was that I didn't push things too hard. Now, don't confuse that with "I didn't push things at all and just waited for her to take the lead." That will rarely work- in my case, it has happened with only one of the girls. In all cases, the first time I slept with the girlfriend in question was after we were very comfortable with each other. When you're younger, a girl's necessary "comfort threshold" is higher before she'll have sex with you (in my experience). But as you get older (i.e. go to college), the much more important thing is what you do AFTER you have sex.

Personally I do think that in most (though certainly not all) cases, sex comes before the two of you are "officially" a couple. But read my second suggestion for Andrew with "Pocahontas" and MAKE SURE YOU GIVE THE GIRL SPACE. I know the biggest turnoff to me is after I have sex with a girl: she immediately falls in love and wants to spend all her time with me.

That makes me go "yuck!" and I basically look to eject immediately because I get creeped out.

Of course, if I really like the girl, occasionally I'll want to do that very same thing: Call her and text her all the time right away.

RESIST THAT URGE!

maybe I should emphasize it more.

RESIST THAT URGE!

It is perfectly fine to start talking to her more often if you are interested in a relationship, but make sure it's not TOO often. E.g. the first week maybe you text her once to set up the next time you'll hang out, the second week you text twice, third week 3-4 times. See the pattern? Ramp up gradually! Eventually you will have the "what are we" talk (usually she'll initiate).

Last thing. It is better for the longevity of your relationship if one of you does not initiate every conversation. So if she hasn't texted you first in a while... just wait. I know firsthand how painful this can be, but trust me. It makes her miss you- obviously a positive if you're into the girl.

Hope this helps.
-Brendan

Beau · #9 01-04-2010, 03:16 PM

I remember from a product by TSM somewhere that It is MUCH EASIER to influence a girl to want to become your girlfriend if you have sex with her first.

This has been the case for many people I have talked to including other dating coaches.

Biochemically, there is a hormone called Oxytocin that is released during an orgasm during sex. It is released by the pituitary gland and is the chemical reaction that associated whoever the sex partner is, with bonding emotionally.

But besides that, I've heard that a girl will always rationalize that the guy she had sex with [first], will be the guy she will chose, if she is into 2 or more guys at the same time.

however, when I lost my virignity, I made the mistake of contacting her to frequently, and she flaked when we had plans to go to a concert within about 5 days later. And, so, I made the same mistake that Brendan just described not to do, and came off as clingy and needy. I realized this quick and didn't initiate a conversation for about 3 weeks. And then I texted her and she responded. Long Story short, we have ended up as friends, and we occasionally keep in touch. So RESIST THAT FUCKING URGE TO INITIATE.

I would say, don't initiate no more than just a text 48 hours after you had sex. But, its the friendship you create after the sex that keeps her around, provided you don't behave clingy and needy like I learned.

Brendan · #10 01-04-2010, 03:31 PM

I should note that I DO think it is a good idea to call the girl the day after you have sex- DO NOT make plans with her then, just tell her you're calling to say hi and will call her later in the week (or whenever) to make plans later.

This lets her relax, knowing that you're not going to simply disappear now that you've gotten sex from her, but at the same time doesn't move toward monopolizing her time.

-Brendan