Help a beginner

crhothem · #1 01-31-2010, 10:26 PM

Hey guys, new to Pick Up and Seduction and everything. Still working on the tip of the ice berg of the Unbreakable and Say Hello material. Looking for advice on two things as I'm getting started. I'm really good at approaching and talking it up with strangers and women I'm not attracted to. But when it comes to women I find attractive I find it impossible to approach. Maybe I assume they'll reject and I'm not comfortable with that rejection or maybe I just can not think of something to say when I walk up. Ideas to help get over the hump? The second is once I'm chatting I can go for hours about nothing. But sometimes if feels like I'm just interviewing and going solid with only questions. How do I engage without bombarding with questions and get to the escalation? Thanks guys!

ahmedgottliebchan · #2 02-01-2010, 02:02 AM

Maybe you put too much value on physical attractiveness. While it definitely comes into play, don't neglect to take into consideration how the person IS rather than merely just how the person LOOKS.

Christian · #3 02-01-2010, 04:41 AM

Hey @crhothem, welcome welcome! Glad to have you join us here

First thing I'll say is that @ahmed is right, but it's weird how that manifests itself. In my experience, the ONLY thing that really, truly blew me past my approach anxiety with pretty girls, was having a lot of pretty girls in my life, and just pushing myself. But I've seen guys really short-circuit the process in our live training programs with bombing openers. I know we talk about those on Say Hello in part 3. If you just balls up, and go do some bombing openers on really attractive women, it does wonders for your confidence. They're tough - gaining confidence with bombing openers is like closing a wound by sticking a hot coal to it - but they work fast. By this time next week, I want to hear field reports about 3-5 times you tried them!

As for where to go when you're asking questions, there are a few things you can do... rather than ask a question, you can make a guess. So instead of asking 'where are you from' you can say 'I feel like you're from Nevada'. You need to have a funny reason WHY she's from Nevada, but it's a great way to get playful.

You've also got to get her asking about you, so you can do this a lot of ways. We talk about baiting in Unbreakable, and there is the implied investment video... and I know that in the third week of say hello's homework, there are some really solid exercises and examples. Have a look and get back with some more detailed questions.

Christian

thepromoter · #4 02-01-2010, 05:01 PM

for me, talking to chicks i'm not attracted to gets me warmed up and talkative. when i see a chick i want i just go over without thinking, however when i don't warm up, i have to push myself. so now when i go out i'm talkative. if there's a line outside the club i'm talking to people in the line. that's really helped me out alot

crhothem · #5 02-03-2010, 10:57 PM

Hey thanks man, you're right. I'm still working to get over the looks thing, but I'm starting to approach girls that intimidate me. Getting over that hurtle is a little tough but I just have to work on keeping my frame strong. Tips?

crhothem · #6 02-03-2010, 11:08 PM

Hey Christian. First of all, the material you guys are putting out there is amazing. I was never aware of all this stuff going on. Those bombing openers are so damn tough. I've really tried pushing myself on those this week but can't get over the hurtle. I always back down. I've had some success doing the "Let your fear show through" approaches. Tonight I after talking to some girls for a while who just weren't really fun I was leaving the bar when I saw the cutest girl in the bar outside smoking. I passed her once and then backed up 10 ft and stumbled over "excuse me but you're the most pretty girl in there and I had to say something or i'd be kicking myself later. I'm Craig." I got her name and she was pretty cool but only in town from Philly visiting a friend for the night. In retrospect I should have gone for her number to "look her up if I ever go to Philly" but I didn't think of that. Still thought it was a plus that I approached her. I'm still working through the unbreakable stuff, but any quick tips on strengthening my frame or getting over my mental block with bombing openers? Also, are there any north jersey groups for guys working on this stuff that you know of so I can work with other people on it? Thanks!

Brendan · #7 02-04-2010, 01:01 PM

Right when you're getting started, dude, I have a friend who actually started with "Hey, would you guys believe me if I told you that I'm approaching you to try and get better at talking to women?"

Now, obviously, he didn't stay with that for very long as an opener; it sends some of the wrong messages, but he said that it really helped him get over the fear of actually approaching a woman in and of itself; the girls didn't shoot him down right away and made polite conversation. He would just talk to them for a few minutes, jump start their night a little bit, and then move on.

I know it's only a baby step, and while it isn't as effective at getting over confidence as bombing openers, it can be much EASIER than giving a bombing opener. Mind you the bombing nights are really fun once you get the ball rolling, and more effective in the long-term. I don't think it's a step you can skip. But if you feel like you need an intermediate step... the above can be a good option. Just don't use it for more than one or maybe two nights (at most- you could transition to "bombers" once your vibe is feeling better).