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I like to think that we're approaching things differently at The Social Man. This isn't a pickup company; none of us would be involved if that was the extent of it. Can we teach you how to pick up girls? Fo sho. But our vision is something bigger. Its about elevating the quality of your life, about pushing yourself to experience the things that you as a man want and deserve.
Getting "game," or "social skills," as I like to say, is a small part of the puzzle. An important part if it is lacking, but not the whole shebang.
A man wants to date a "9" or a "10". Fine.
A man wants a social circle full of awesome people. Fine.
A man wants a cool, easygoing, attractive girlfriend. Fine.
But he better come correct. He better properly deserve those things. A false sense of confidence and a little bit of conversational material meant to generate attraction isn't going to cut it. Not for the long term, not for anything sustainable. I learned this the hard way, and my hope is that others can learn from my mistakes.
So when I receive emails such as the following - a rare occurrence, to be sure - I always enjoy them for how far off the mark they are:
Hey Christian,
Here's the problem with you right now:
You talk and speak from a position of status. Young, good looking, successful, living in New York. You have to seriously tone things down a bit, because most people simply can't relate to where you're coming from. Guess what? I didn't spent my evening frolicking in the hottest night clubs and private parties in NY. I mean, forget game. Young, rich, handsome, successful ... just show up.
You need a few zeros that succeeded, not pictures (if I recall) of a young, dashing, successful, well dressed, entrepreneur sharing martinis with young, beautiful girls.
That just reaffirms what we already know ... and makes your whole dating approach a farce.
Best,
G
Hmm, where to start? Well, to G's point about money, I dated more some of the most objectively attractive girls in my life when I was 50-80 grand in debt (a ridiculous sum, for sure). Money helps, but isn't the be-all-end-all. And as for looks, I never used to be considered good looking, and I'm a sight to be seen when I roll out of bed in the morning. But I worked hard to figure out a look that works for me and catches a few eyes here and there. It doesn't happen without a hair dryer and attention to detail.
And most importantly, just showing up - anywhere - isn't enough. Bruce Wayne could roll up in his Lambo, rocking a Cucinelli sport coat, but if he doesn't have some confidence and an ability to have fun and carry a conversation, no halfway cool girl is going to want him in her life. As for me and the places I go? Full of dudes who are way better looking and wealthier than me.
So look, a guy can can come up with a million excuses for why he can't have what he wants. But read any success story and you won't hear about excuses. You'll hear about people who believed in themselves, who couldn't be kept down and for whom every obstacle was merely a test of their determination.
I find that worldview is one of the most important determinants of success. I used to be super-negative. Everything had a dark cloud over it and I thought the world was out to get me. Whatever external things were good in my life, I was a straight up zero in my own mind.
I remember moving into a new house in Ann Arbor when I was 21, on a street where there were parties every night, and laying in bed depressed, quietly hating the people making noise outside, having fun, and keeping me awake. One night I cried because I didn't understand how to get along with these people. I had money. I was the only kid in town with a jet black Audi TT. Did it matter one bit? No way... my attitude and worldview were a mess. These days, I'm confident because of how far I've come and how well I know myself.
As for the lives we all lead, look... my life is my own. Its not for everyone, but its exactly what I want for myself and that's the point of all of this. Everyone I work with here has achieved a lifestyle that works for them. We try to offer some insight into these lives because we think that its important to know that the person from whom you're taking advice practices what they preach. And if a guy wants something a little less, uh... intense, that's totally cool. We can teach him the social skills he needs, and we can get to know him and work with him towards his goals. We want him to find the steam to power his dreams. Take it from us or find it in himself.
Sadly, G here mistook form for function. I suspect that he hasn't watched our videos about what we teach, or done much exploring otherwise to find the core goodness in the message. Maybe that's our fault. Maybe we should share less about our lives and just let the thoughts and ideas represent themselves. Or maybe we just need to make fun of ourselves a little bit. Russell Brand, one of the funniest comedians I've seen in ages, writes in his biography...
If you strip away self-effacement, charm and the spirit of mischief - qualities that make determination and ambition tolerable - you're left with a right arsehole.
Whatever the case, what we really want - and I mean what we are dedicating our lives to - is to help our clients achieve what they want: social freedom and versatility. That could come in the form of bumming around with a backpack in Asia and making friends at hostels, poppin' bottles at Movida in London, or making the most the college years in Wisconsin. So come correct when you write to us. And if we can help you make it happen, we'll do everything we can.
