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Temperature Check Questions

February 12, 2010

Tiny Text Suggestion

February 10, 2010

I’m having fun with these :)  Someone wrote in yesterday with this one:

Text Messaging Tips

January 30, 2010

Sadly, I don’t usually get a chance to respond to all the questions we get sent… we’re working to make our video blogs a once a day thing, and in the meantime, we all appreciate your patience when you send a question in and don’t hear from us right away. But every now and then someone writes in, and I’m sitting right by the email and I’m able to get back with a quick response :) So please enjoy this very brief text messaging breakdown I shared with “D”. My annotations are in italics.

> Sunday, Jan. 17 4:25 pm
> D:
> “Hi there…my sister gave me your #. We should meet for coffee
> tomorrow at some point if you’re free.
>
Coulda introduced yourself better. “hey, this is your future best
friend named D! my sis gave my ur number and said we’d get along
:)”

then you went straight for asking her out instead of building rapport.
she smelled your agenda a mile away.

> Sun, Jan 17 6:04 pm
> M:
> Hey, it’s nice to hear from you, coffee sounds good, but im going to
> the suburbs to see my dad, he just got home from the hospital but i
> might be back in the evening or else another night this week?
>
> Sun, Jan. 17, 6:58 pm
> D:
> In that event, why don’t we get together later in the week? How’s
> Friday look for you? I’m also down there on Thursdays.
>

don’t ask girls out on friday for the first time, weekends are for
friends and boyfriends weeknights are for dates. also the way you ask
a girl out is to say “when are you available next week?” so that
you’re not just throwing out possible dates.

> Sun, Jan. 17, 8:40 pm
> M:
> Friday is my birthday actually :) but thursday could work
>
> Sun, Jan 17, 9:25 pm
> D:
> Alright, Thursday it is then. Now we just have to figure out where and when.
>

no vibing off her birthday, you’re just straight to the point of
asking her out. she’s giving you so much to play with and you just
keep pressing towards asking her out. this exchange isn’t fun for her
or making her smile, it’s just some guy asking her out with logistics.

> Monday, Jan 18, 10:36 am
> Sorry for delayed response, thursday sounds good!
>
> Monday, Jan 18, 11:04 am
> D:
> No worries. How about Iguana Cafe at 6 PM? We can meet there or I can
> pick you up?
>
way to soon to respond after she took 12 hours to respond.

> M:
> Sounds good! i can just meet you there since you have to be somewhere
> after, thats probably easiest
>
> D:
> Cool, I will see you there on Thurs. :)
>

you should have been texting with her between then an thurs. but
since your whole exchange up to this point was only about asking her
out and not about having fun and building intrigue and rapport, you
didn’t have anything to say.

> * * *
> Thursday, Jan 21 3:40 pm.
> Hey, im at the doctor, i left work early with a horrible sore throat,
> they are testing me for strep :( so tonite probably wont work, i dont
> wanna give u germs plus i feel miserable, i feel bad but hopefully we
> can reschedule!
>
> Thurs., Jan 21, 4:15 pm
> D:
> Well, I would take my chances ;)…but it’s probably best that you
> rest and get healthy again. We can get together once you’re feeling
> better
>
indicating way too much interest in the first sentence.

> M:
> Strep test was positive, trust me u dont want this! at least i got an
> antibiotic, what a fun birthday im gonna have :( lets try next week?
>
> D:
> That really sux. Nobody should be sick on their birtday. Yeah, let’s
> do it next week. I’ll check back w/you in a few to figure out details.
> Feel better, gorgeous
>
don’t call her gorgeous, that’s lame. also you could have been cuter
like “awww booooo illness is lame, yeah no worries we’ll figure out
something else” but again by this point you shoulda had a lot more
rapport

> * * *
> Jan 22, 12:08 pm
> D:
> I’m known for calling my friends on their birthdays and doing my best
> Elvis impression, but you’re already ill and I wouldn’t want to make
> your condition worse
>
> Jan 22, 2:03 pm
> M:
> Haha, thats funny, im in bed all drugged up on nyquil, thanks for the thought!
>
> Jan 22, 2:16 pm
> (***I suspect I fucked up somewhere in the following exchange***)
> D: My jokes tend to be funnier if the other person is on some
> mind-altering substance or another
>

you messed up way before this… sorry chief!

> Next message, sent at 2:20 pm
> Anyway…hopefully there’s something there to make the day a little
> less miserable…like a Golden Girls marathon on tv or something along
> those lines
>

> On Monday, January 25, I sent her the following text message:
> Hey, how are you feeling? Do you wanna try again this Thursday?

don’t go straight to asking her for a date. lame and goal oriented. re-establish rapport and make her laugh and smile instead
We are coming out with a program on Text Messaging VERY soon – it’s in “testing” right now and feedback has been awesome so far  :)   Hope you enjoyed this – now go make some girls smile!

An introduction and my top 3 tips of the week…

December 8, 2009

I just wanted to introduce myself.  I am the new female coach for The Social Man.  I am very excited to be a part of TSM.  Feel free to email me at jody@thesocialman.com or find me on Facebook as Jody Ann.

Now, on to bigger and better things…

As my first blog on here, I wanted to give my favorite tips I give to my friends to let you know the way that I think and my theories on this whole shebang.

In my opinion, there are 3 main things that attract a woman, and keep her interested:

1) Confidence

2) The ability to REALLY listen

3) Follow-through

First, as the old saying goes: confidence is key.  Women like a man who is secure and knows what he wants, and how to get it.  Nothing screams low self esteem more than a guy who hesitates to approach a woman, or, when he does go up to her, who looks terrified to speak to her.

Just for a moment, think about what a woman is thinking when a guy stares her down.  After about 5 seconds of eye contact and a smile from both her end and theirs, if the guy doesn’t make a move, she thinks 1 of 2 things:

1.) He saw her smile, and he isn’t interested (has a gf, etc.)

2) He is too scared and not confident in himself to make the approach.

Remember: a girl wants a man who knows what he wants and how to get, so go and get it.  Stand up straight, shoulders back, chest high, and go win the prize.

I always love to see the changes in clients when they experience this revelation.  The confident but casual approach is so powerful, and speaks volumes more in those first few seconds than clever words ever could.  Just remain positive, calm, and cool and give off the vibe that she should want to talk to you, and you actually want to hear what she is saying.

This leads me to my next point:  REALLY LISTEN when she speaks.

Seriously, it’s not that hard.  Once a guy makes that initial approach (which in my opinion is one of the most difficult parts) now it’s easy.  Open-ended questions are a GREAT starting point, and 90% of the time, will get you a lot further than cleverness.  After all, what is everyone’s favorite subject to talk about…themselves.  You can start with open-ended questions, but how do you avoid getting on a “question train” where you’re asking one surface-level question after another?

I also work with a social networking company for successful New Yorkers, and it might not surprise you to know that successful men like to talk about themselves.  So besides encouraging them to ask lots of open-ended questions, I give them one simple additional piece of advice: paint a picture of what she is saying.

For example, if she says she is a teacher, really picture her standing in front of a classroom with her students in front of a chalkboard, maybe with an eraser in her hand?  When you picture this image, this will help you find the topics to talk about with her, and she will actually be impressed that you are listening.

The guys at our events always have far better success with women than they have in the past when they employ this. I have also heard Nick elaborate on this subject at our meet ups and coaching programs, and everyone seems to get this as soon as they practice in everyday conversation.

A trap that a lot a guys fall into is that they over think the conversation. While she is speaking, all they are thinking is, “wow, she is so hot, what can I say next to impress her.”  Instead, really live in the moment and have a pleasant (and hopefully flirty) conversation that she will remember as the best approach and exchange she had all night.

Which brings me to my last tip of the day… the follow through.

I could write 50 different blogs on the art of the follow through, but there is one main point I want to share today.  If a guy says he is going to do something, then he should do it.  If he says he is going to call, call, if he says he is going to email, email, text, send a letter, telegram… you get the point.

Seriously, nothing surprises and impresses a girl more than if you say, hey, I’ll call you, and you do!  Granted, we don’t expect you to call the next day, and secretly, we might enjoy that nerve racking period where every time the phone rings or we get a text, we hope it’s you…but don’t make us wait too long.  After a lengthy no contact period, we give up hope; we lose your image in our mind, and move on.  So, don’t allow us to forget about you!

So to recap; be confident, listen to us, and be real with your follow through.  If you do these things, you are far ahead of the game then most of the guys out there.

Till next time,

Jody Ann

Getting Her to Ask For Your Number

November 7, 2009

I was talking to my friend Travis the other day – he’s a bit of a day game master (and is actually using one of our cameras right now to get a bunch of footage) – and we were talking about the process by which you get a girl to ask for *your* number.

It’s a fun turn of the screw… as men, it’s within our gender role to ask for the number, and for as long as I’ve been at this, I’d say that I’m the one taking the number 80% of the time.  In the long run it doesn’t make a difference – you still have to follow up well – but pulling it off means you’re making great progress in your game.

So let’s start by asking ourselves – what would make a woman *want* to take your number?

a.) she’s so enamored with your life and your world that she wants to be a part of it

b.) she feels such a strong connection to you that she couldn’t imagine it not continuing

c.) she’s feeling incredible chemistry with you and wants to feel it again

Any of the same could be said for “solid” numbers that you take from women.  So how do you set it up such that she’s the one who asks you?

One key principal – doing a LOT with a LITTLE.

The dynamic of the interaction needs to be such that she’s doing most of the work.  You are going to be leading it with some -bait- and some -questions- but you will do very little talking about your own life.  There is something of an “ad hoc” formula to this:

1.) you start by “baiting”.  you casually mention something about your life that really connects with whatever she just said, in a very “high value” sort of way.  It can’t just be bragging – it genuinely has to demonstrate that you know what she’s talking about.

2.) she asks you about the bait.

3) you screen her on it.

4.) you screen her again.

5.) you screen her a third time

6.) you keep screening until it makes sense to stop

7.) you reluctantly qualify her, and finally answer her question

8.) future project, or include her in your life in some way

Let me give you an example, from the first time I consciously saw this happening.  It came about when I was talking about myself.  Later on, I’ll show you how to use this in your own life.

You might know that I DJ from time to time in Manhattan.  I’ve done some private parties, and a few cool venues, but I’ve never been in rotation at a huge club.  So while being a DJ is generally an asset when it comes to talking to girls, my particular experience isn’t noteworthy.  It’s more of a hobby.

I also don’t like to bs girls, so rather than give full answers, I’d rather be evasive and turn the conversation back on her.  Here’s how it played out:

I was talking with a girl about parties.

Me: “yeah, I dj’ed the last party we threw.  It was a great time, tons of people, went really late…”  You notice that the only thing about *me* in there is the bait – that I DJ.  Everything else is just factual stuff.

Her: “Wait, you DJ?, Where do you play?”  This is her taking the bait

Me: “Yeah I do.  What kind of music do you like to dance to?”  Notice that I intentionally avoided her second question, and rather than self-indulgently telling her everything about myself (which I couldn’t do anyway in this case!), I turned it around  and asked a screening question.

Her: “Oh uh… I don’t know, I like everything.”

Me: “Heh, everyone says that.  What’s your favorite song to dance to right now?”

Her: “Oh ummmm….  [song name].”

Me: “Yeah, I love that one.  People always go nuts to it.  Ok so you’re into hip hop… have you heard [song name]?”"

Her: “Yeah, I love that one too!”

Me: “Haaaa, nice.  What does it take to get you to dance on a couch at a club?”   At this point, I am taking the conversation from topical (song preferences) to personal (stuff about her personality).  Your screens should go in this direction.

Her: “Ohh you know some good music, some fun people and a few shots!”

Me: “That’s it?  (tease).  How often do you go out?”

Her: “Oh maybe one or two nights a week.”

Me: “Cool, so enough to make your promoters happy. So what are your favorite spots?”

Her: “Ummm, well last few times I went out I was at Pink Elephant and 1Oak.”

Me: “No kidding…. man I had no idea you were so cool.  I’d love to have you join some of our parties”  (this is the qualification – finally)

Her: “Haha thanks!  So wait where do you play?”

Me: “Oh I do a lot of private parties… I’ve done a few other spots… I was doing Empire Hotel for a bit.  Fun time, have you been?”

Her: “Yeah, I’ve been there!  Wait, so are you a full-time DJ?”

Me: “No, it’s just a hobby, I have a real job too.  Wait, what do you do for work?”

Her: “I’m a… [her job].”

Do you see the trajectory here?

It’s screen after screen after screen on my part.  I demonstrated some value and authority in the very beginning.  And my questions continued to do so.

In fact, she has to really work to get any information out of me, while volunteering a lot of her own.

But she *wants* to volunteer it because the right questions are being asked.  I’m demonstrating a real interest in her, and showing no need to validate myself to her.

And critically, I’m not doing any “me too” answers.  Any time I relate to her, it shows that I empathize with and understand her and her world, but because I haven’t explicitly stated anything about my personal experiences and preferences, they remain something of a mystery.  The -only- times I talk about myself are at the beginning and the end.

And at the end, when she asks if I’m full time, I mention that I have another job, then immediately turn it around on her.

Yet another thing I had to learn to do accidentally – you can’t just come out and tell people that you run a company that is the real-life version of Hitch – it’s all they want to talk about.

So right now you might be thinking, “well this is well and good, but I’m not a DJ and I don’t run a company like The Social Man, so how can I do this?”

Well, here’s another time it happened.  This time we were talking about cheeseburgers.  She had mentioned that she absolutely loves burgers.

Me: “Yeah, New York has some of the best burger joints in the world.  I think I’ve been to them all.”  (bait)

Her: “So what’s your favorite?”

Me: “Ummm, there are two that really tie for me, I can never decide.  Shake Shack is one of them, have you been?”  (more bait)

Her: “Oh my God, yes. It’s so good.”

Me: “So what burger you order when you go there?”

Her: “It’s always the same… double cheeseburger”

Me: “Can’t do anything else.  Fries, shake?”

Her: “It depends… you know, I’ve got to watch my girlish figure.”

Me: “Yeah I was gonna say (eying her up and down), doesn’t look like you eat burgers all the time.  How often do you work out?” (screen)

Her: “Ha, like four or five times a week.”

Me: “Nice – morning or evening?”

Her: “Usually after work.  I just can’t do it in the mornings.”

Me: “Yeah, plus when you do it after work you can work off the burger you had for lunch and you feel so much better about yourself.”

Her: “I know, wait… so you said there was another spot you like?”

Me: “Yeah, Soho Park.  Have you been there?”

Her: “No… where is it?”

Me: “What?  How can you call yourself a burger lover and not have eaten there?” (screen)

Her: “I don’t know!  I feel like I’m committing a sin!”

Me: “You almost are.  But you definitely know your burgers.  You should go down there sometime so you can absolve yourself.”  (qualification)

Her: “Well you’d have to tell me, or show me, where it is.”

Me: “Well you’d have to get in touch with me for that to happen.” (smiling, of course).

This one isn’t -quite- as linear as the last one.  A new subject appeared: exercising.  But notice how she brought it back to the original thread?  There was some suspense and intrigue… not quite as much as with the dj’ing… but enough to bring it back.  And it didn’t take much for her to volunteer herself for a date.

So what, again, is the formula?

1.)  Volunteer a small amount of information about yourself.

2.) Don’t answer her questions directly. Screen and screen and screen.

3.) Eventually, qualify her

4.) Subtly suggest a way to bring her into your life

In the former example, I told her she’d fit in at our parties.

In the latter example, I tee’d it up, and she took the swing.

Now, how to go from this to getting her to ask for your number?

Simple – do this same “pattern” two to three times in a conversation.  That is, connect on something important to her, show genuine interest and comprehension of her world with the questions you ask, and don’t talk about yourself too much.

When she indicates that she wants to be a part of your world – which she probably will if you’ve been fun and have intrigued her enough – you just flirtatiously suggest that she should make it happen.

Of course, when she takes your number, I suggest that you have her call you.  And unless she’s completely throwing herself at you, establish the protocol for who will follow up with who.

“So tell ya what -  text me tomorrow and we’ll set up a time to go down there.”

“Ok, so if I don’t hear from you by tomorrow I’m gonna call you and we’ll set something up.”

This whole sequence – this style of conversation – is something you should be working on anyway.  I always get into trouble when I talk too much.  There is some fun, flirtatious stuff you can throw in along the way, but the foundation here is solid – and that’s what’s going to work no matter who you’re talking to.

Hopefully we can get Travis to do a guest post here sooner or later with his thoughts on the matter.  In the meantime, please share your thoughts, and any tips or experience you’ve had in getting her to ask for your number!

How to Use Cocky Funny Correctly

October 28, 2009

We’ve all heard about the ubiquitous 80/20 principle first developed by Vilfredo Pareto in the context of the distribution of income and wealth. My experience and observations have shown that the 80/20 rule applies to push-pull and cocky-funny as well.

After closely observing naturals who are masters at crazily rapid escalations and seductions, and after a lot of discussion about this with PUAs who have really tight game, I’ve discovered an important enhancement to the simplistic push-pull and cocky-funny concepts. This small bit of fine-tuning can shave hours off your seductions and create much stronger, closer emotional connections.

If you want to seduce a woman faster and have her more powerfully attracted to you, the optimal mix for a man who already has his fundamentals down (his body language, tonality, and basic inner game) and is interacting with a confident and attractive woman is 80% pull, 20% push.

I’m not going to be too strict about the numbers. But more accurately, the optimal combination depends on how good the man’s fundamentals are and how confident the woman is. It’s a continuum with the upper end of the continuum being 80-20 pull-push.

My experience has also been that push-pull is best mixed with humor. Plus, the pull and the push are opposite manifestations of cockiness. With push, you are cocky enough to think that you are too good for the girl, so you push her away. With pull, you are cocky enough to think that you are irresistible to her and to women in general, and you want her, so you pull her in.

Although there is plenty to say about this combination of push-pull and cocky-funny, I’ll leave that to another article. My focus here is on the 80/20 principle applied to the push-pull dynamic. I’ll assume here that it’s obvious that push-pull is closely connected to cocky-funny.

For the classic book on push-pull, see Swingcat’s ebook, Real World Seduction. For cocky-funny, the best authority is David DeAngelo. Check out his ebook, Double Your Dating, and his DVD series, Cocky Comedy. I assume at least familiarity with push-pull and cocky-funny as described in these resources. Christian Hudson and Nick Sparks at The Social Man are about to release a product that incorporates all the concepts in Swingcat and David D.’s books and then takes it all to another level. Watch at our site for the release. We’re good friends, so I’m a little biased.

What I say here is NOT for absolute newbies, who don’t yet have their fundamentals down (body language, tonality, and basic inner game). If you still don’t know what good BL&T looks, sounds, and feels like, stop reading this and figure that out first.

My point here applies to elite game. It’s for guys who want to know what it’s like to live in the top 10%, or higher, of men in this world. That’s not to say this is advanced. It’s just not for beginners.

A quickie definition of push-pull straight from the pen of Swingcat: “Push-Pull is whenever you emotionally push a woman away from you and, then, emotionally pull her back in. Each Push creates an emotional space for each Pull.” We’ll be filling this out as we go along.

Now let’s unpack the thesis statement.

While you can succeed using almost any combination of push and pull (e.g., 80% push-20% pull, 50% push-50% pull), the combination that will generate the fastest seductions and most powerful connections is 80-20 pull-push or in other words, 80% pull-20% push. This applies only if the following also hold:

a.   The man has good fundamentals (good body language, tonality, tight inner game and is hence non-needy, etc.). This also applies if he is physically attractive or is perceived by the woman to have high social value.

b.   The woman is unusually attractive in the man’s eyes, and she is confident about her value and attractiveness.

This relates to Believability http://www.doctorasianrake.com/?p=684

She needs to be able to be confident enough in her self-worth to accept your advances.

If both those elements are in place, then the fastest and most powerful route to sex is a mix of 80% pull-20% push.

[CAVEAT: If the man only has average fundamentals and the woman is only of average confidence in her own attractiveness and value, then the optimal mix is further down the continuum and closer to 50-50 push-pull.

This is because pulling a woman closer to you emotionally is only effective when you already have a basic level of attraction from the woman, and of course, we all know that this kind of attraction is largely independent of one's physical appearance. Over 90% of this kind of attraction is attributable to body language and tonality alone. That's why I call these the fundamentals. Your attitude and outlook are also crucial to pulling off the right BL&T, so I include inner game as a factor for the sake of completeness.]

Pushing a woman away is effective when a woman looks at you and doesn’t expect you to be cocky. It throws her off and is hence funny.

It’s like when a precocious child talks like an adult, using mature and sophisticated vocabulary, sentence structure, etc. It’s unexpected and incongruent with the kid’s image, and hence, kind of funny, and if done right, it’s admirable. Now imagine a 50 year old, sophisticated-looking man talking the same way. It’s not funny anymore. It’s just normal and expected.

Similarly, when a below average looking guy uses a lot of push cocky-funny, talking as if he’s too good for her and using humorous sarcasm, it’s attractive because the woman begins to wonder, “How can this guy be so cocky? He must have something going for him that I can’t see yet. But now I’m interested.” And because it’s done in a comedic way, she’s not offended, just intrigued.

Now if a guy who has his fundamentals down (good BL&T), a good-looking guy, or a guy perceived to have high value starts to push her away emotionally, she’s not intrigued.

Why? Because it’s obvious why this guy is so cocky. He’s good-looking, high-value, or has an attractive personality. It’s not funny anymore because it’s expected and congruent with his image. He just comes across cocky. For a guy like this to use cocky-funny, he has to really emphasize the humor and really cut down on the cocky part.

Most people overlook the fact that David D. himself acknowledged this in one of his newsletters:

“If you’re a pretty good looking guy, you might turn down the cocky, and turn up the funny. Women perceive good-looking guys who act cocky as MAJOR PLAYERS, and too much cocky too soon can backfire on you.”

More accurately, this isn’t just true for guys who are good-looking. If your fundamentals are strong, or you’re perceived as high-value, then it applies just as well to you. It’s the push dynamic that makes these high-value or good-looking guys come across as too unattainable. For guys like this, it’s best to use the pull dynamic more often and save the push dynamic for that 20% of dramatic contrast.

And obviously, when a guy with good fundamentals, attractive appearance, or high social value is perceived as a “major player,” it is very bad for his Believability.

You can do it the other way, of course. You can do mainly push and just a little pull, like 80% push and 20% pull. Or you can be very cocky and only a little funny. Sure, you can get success that way, too.

But for the most part, if your fundamentals are already strong, then:

a)   You can get much faster seductions by pulling her in more often than you can by pushing her away.

b)   You can get the girl to feel a deeper emotional bond with you by pulling more often than pushing.

Here’s why:

1. If your fundamentals are good, then you will be a relatively dominant, powerful, confident, charismatic, and emotionally steadfast man. Hence, girls (and most people in general) will naturally feel like following your lead. So when you tell a girl to sit down, she will feel a strong social and emotional pull to sit down. When you’re emotionally pulling a girl in by telling her to kiss you, she will have to work extra hard to resist. Most girls like a strong, dominant, powerful, confident, charismatic guy, and many girls have the fantasy of “being taken” by such a man. Any resistance they give to such a man is just token.

Thus, if you already have good fundamentals (BL&T and basic inner game), and you want to shave massive amounts of time off your seductions, you’re better off pulling the girl in more frequently than pushing her away because the chances are good she will give in more often than not.

Ah, but Asian Rake, when you push a girl away, doesn’t she want to pull you in? Isn’t that the whole point of pushing her away? You’ll get her chasing you.

Yes, to a certain extent, this is true. That’s why you STILL SHOULD PUSH. That’s the all-important 20%. In fact, by pulling most of the time, when you do finally push her away, it’ll feel that much more powerful to her.

If you’re a dominant guy, girls will feel pressure to follow your orders, and unless she’s very dominant herself, chances are good that she will NOT pull you in return every time. Chances are good that when you push her further away, she will follow your lead and remain further away.

Assuming the pushes and pulls are of about equal emotional intensity (that’s another variable I’m leaving out here), if you PULL more often than not, she might resist you at first, but then because you’re dominant, she’ll follow your lead and move closer to you emotionally and physically. If you PUSH more often than not, she might resist you at first, but then because you’re a dominant guy, she’ll follow your lead and move further away from you emotionally and physically.

Sure you can generate attraction with most combinations of push-pull. But what’s faster to sex? When she’s emotionally and physically closer to you, or when she’s emotionally and physically farther from you? It should be obvious.

This is how the best naturals I’ve seen get bathroom lays in less than 15 minutes.

It’s pull-pull-pull-pull-PUSH-pull-pull-pull-PUSH-pull-pull-pull to the bathroom.

2. By pulling more often than pushing, you can also create the deep emotional connections much faster.

If you’re continually pushing her away emotionally, however, how can she possibly feel an emotional connection? This should be obvious.

A far more efficient way to develop emotional connections is to pull her in emotionally.

One very effective kind of pull technique is in conjunction with screening and qualifying. If your Believability game is good then every qualification is actually a pull.

For instance, “Wow, you are really adventurous, I like that,” said in response to her little adventure story, is a great example of a pull.

When you stack enough of these, she’ll feel like you really appreciate her for her unique qualities. She’ll be saying to herself, “Wow, this guy really, truly, sincerely likes me for my special qualities.” And of course, she’ll want to open herself up and continue connecting with you.

Btw, this is also a key technique for creating the kind of emotional connections that will get girls to fall in love with you FAST. There are others, of course, like sharing secrets and using childhood regression, but this is one of the easiest to do.

Now let’s add the COCKY-FUNNY into the mix.

What exactly do I mean by Push Cocky-Funny vs. Pull Cocky-Funny?

Once again, probably the best way to illustrate what I mean is through examples.

PUSH COCKY-FUNNY

The prime proponent of this is David D. Let’s first talk about the internal mindset behind Push Cocky-Funny. David D. helpfully lays it all out in his Double Your Dating:

“I’m going to play hard to get, make fun of her, be indifferent towards her, and generally bust her balls as much as possible. I know that she loves a guy that is so sarcastic that it makes her nervous, so I’m going to really keep the heat on… and when she starts to show any interest at all on the outside, I’m going to blow her off and make her prove to me that she wants me… so I can reject her again.”

You notice that with this mindset, you’ll be pushing her away a lot more than you’ll be pulling her in. David D. follows this up with some now classic examples:

I do crazy things, like if I’m standing next to a girl at a bar, I’ll turn to her and say in a completely serious voice, “Will you PLEASE stop touching me?” And then look them right in the eye.

Or say, “What are you doing at a bar for godsakes? Can’t you find a nice normal guy? Or are you desperate?” All with a completely straight face.

I could go on forever, but you’re better off reading his ebook or watching his DVD series Cocky Comedy. Wow, I never thought I’d be plugging David D.’s materials, as if he needs to sell any more. LOL.

When most guy think “cocky-funny,” they’re thinking this kind of cocky-funny, which is what I call, “Push Cocky-Funny.”

PULL COCKY-FUNNY

This is my default style of cocky-funny, so I’ll give you one of my own examples.

I learned from a natural friend that this sort of thing is best done when you’re a little over the top or dramatically exaggerated in what you say and in your facial expressions, tonality, and body language.

This took place near the coat check of a huge nightclub, which is just about the only place in the club where you can talk without speaking right into her ear. A super cute, long-haired beauty walks by, and I jump in front of her with my hands slightly extended in front of my chest in a “stopping” motion with my palms out.

Me: OMG! (Then, with a sigh and a love-sick puppy dog look, I say after lowering my hands) I’m in love with you… Give me your number. (Pull #1)

HB (shocked): Huh? Are you crazy? Why?

Me (with an incredulous look on my face): Why? I mean, just look at you. You’re driving me crazy. It should be a crime for you to walk in public. (Pull #2)

HB (breaking out laughing): Where are you from?

Me: From? It doesn’t matter. I want your number. (Pull #3)

HB (laughing): No way. First tell me where you’re from.

Me: Okay, … guess.

HB: Um, China?

Me: Pretty close… (Taking a step closer to her so that we’re inches apart, I say in a quieter tone,) You know, you’re making me really nervous. My hands are all cold and sweaty. Here, feel. (Then, I take her hand in mine). (Pull #4)

HB (laughing): You’re not nervous.

Me (throwing off her hand and looking shocked): Are you calling me a liar? I’ve just confessed my deep dark love for you, and now you’re calling me a liar? That’s it. We’re getting a divorce… But I’m keeping the DVDs. You can have the dog. (Push #1)

HB laughed.

I said nothing and continued looking fake-mad.

HB said: “Okay, bye,” and started walking off.

Me: No, wait. You can’t go. I’ll be so sad… I’m going to go home and cry now (and then I slumped my shoulders as if completely sad and depressed). (Pull #5)

HB laughed.

Me (perking up and letting out a sly smile): Okay, give me your number.

HB (laughs): Okay.

We talked a little bit more, then I let her go back to her friends.

I texted her about an hour later, and she texted back, asking what I was doing tomorrow. The rest is history, which I may recount in a report once I work my way down the backlog of posts…

Notice the push-pull ratio here. That was 5 pulls to 1 push. The one push came after 4 pulls. In fact, I don’t even think that push was necessary.

This sort of Pull Cocky-Funny can get you super fast makeouts and, as my natural friends have shown, club bathroom sex.

There are many other tales to recount about naturals such as him, some of which you can find elsewhere on my site and some of which I might write about in the future. You’ll have to check back for those ☺

Another great example comes from Zan. Among the community old-timers, Zan is probably the best representative of this kind of cocky-funny. If you haven’t read any of his materials, check the mASF archives.

There are so many possibilities to choose from, but this conversation of his has stuck in my mind for a while now:

ZAN: Come out with me for a drink tonight. I will pick you
up at 7.

HER: I can’t. My boyfriend wouldn’t like it.

ZAN: Oh hey, I understand… let’s make it 8 then.

I never, ever worry about a woman’s resistance to me. If
she says she is not interested and leaves, no problem. But
if I ever see her again, I immediately go up to her, smile
and wink, and pick up right where I left off. As if she had
never resisted me in the first place. In other words, her
boyfriend objections (or whatever) mean nothing to me.

ZAN: (big smile) Hello, sweetie. Did you miss me?

HER: Hardly.

ZAN: I want to see you. Tell me your number and I’ll
remember it.

HER: No! I told you last time I have a boyfriend.

ZAN: Oh, so you’re still seeing Norman?

HER: Uh… his name’s not Norman.

ZAN: (smile, wink) Really? That’s very interesting. I have
two bottles of champagne at home.

HER: No thanks.

ZAN: One to drink and one to pour all over your body…

HER: You never give up, do you?

ZAN: Of course not! Wouldn’t be the same if I did, would
it?

HER (laughing) No, I suppose not…

I find this whole exchange completely charming and hilarious. Zan pulls her in about seven times. Just about everything he says is a pull.

He’s cocky because he believes that she’d be crazy to turn him down. So her objections don’t even register with him. This is the ideal kind of frame to be operating from when doing Pull Cocky-Funny.

So there you have it. Push Cocky-Funny vs. Pull Cocky-Funny. Both can work. But if you have good fundamentals (body language, tonality, and basic inner game), or you’re good-looking, or you have perceived high social value, and you’re interacting with a confident and attractive woman, then you can get faster seductions and make deeper connections by doing more Pull than Push, around 80%-20% is ideal. And keep it all funny ☺

Interview with Rich la Ruina

October 25, 2009

Rich is a UK-based instructor who leads PUATraining.  We’ve hung out a few times – very cool, down to earth guy – and one of my best friends is also one of his best friends.  Every time my friend comes back from the UK, he’s telling me new things that Rich is doing, and I finally managed to connect with Rich on the phone to talk about some of his secrets.

We didn’t discuss the pasta you see pictured here, but I think you’re going to enjoy hearing about some of the other things he does when he’s talking with women… one of the few guys teaching this stuff who consistently dates the sort of girls you see in fashion magazines and who lives the good life in general.  Enjoy it.

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Click here to download it.

What is UP, yo?

October 19, 2009

Man, all sorts of things are up, except for our site.

I did some work on the backend last week without our developers’ blessing, and totally screwed up our template system.  It doesn’t help that our developer had a big, big bad thing happen in his personal life (miss you, and God Bless, J)… so everything but the blog is down until I get a new developer onboard.  Bids are out right now.

Beyond that, lots of STUFF going on.  Like, moving, dealing with selling a home, not to much fun stuff to share.  I’m back in Michigan for the next few months and I’m missing NYC like crazy right now.

But within about a month, there is going to be a whole new look to the blog, regular articles and videos again from more people than just myself… good stuff on the way.  Plus, we’re booked up for all the bootcamps we had listed on the site  If you’re interested in our Nov 20-22 date – which I’ve just announced publicly here and now – holla at ya boy, because one seat is already taken by someone I spoke to on the phone earlier tonizzight.

In the meantime, enjoy this video of Nick talking about escalation.  And nevermind the comment about “the revolution” – that’s just crazy talk ;)

Some Takeaways from the Convention

July 30, 2009

80:20 – little things that matter

June 28, 2009

There are a few things in pickup that are non-negotiable must-haves.  Those things are:

EYE CONTACT
- you should be making eye contact 70% of the time you’re talking to someone
- you should only break eye contact to the side, not downwards
- you should be making direct eye contact anytime you give a compliment

BODY LANGUAGE
- you should be comfortable touching her within 10 seconds of saying hello. not too much… just a slight touch
- you should be rocking in and out on your back foot – generally, you should come in at a 45 degree angle
- you should be smiling

DELIVERY
- your first few sentences should be no more than 10-15   seconds long
- you shouldn’t give explanations or apologies
- you should be speaking to the whole group if it is not a direct compliment

So these are some of the very basic, very important things to do within the first minute of an interaction.  They’re subtle, but getting them wrong is going to betray a lack of confidence and deservedness.

Funny thing is, when I’m not “warmed up,” I sometimes mess these up too.  So my first conversation of the evening has become what I call a “systems check” conversantion.

Geeky?  Sure.  But its just a reminder.

I find a very, very attractive girl, and give her a direct compliment.  My goal is not to pick her up, but to force myself to focus on all these little things so that they’re kind of locked into my head for the evening.

I’d say that 80% of the time you get a bad reaction from a girl, its from messing up these fundamentals, so getting them right at the start gets your night off to a good start.

If you’re going out tonight, do a little system check of your own and see how it works for you.

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