Before I Die…

February 8, 2010

Borrowed from the Wall Street Journal… I hope they don’t mind.

The following essay was written by Edmund N. Carpenter, age 17, in June 1938 while he was a student in Lawrenceville, N.J. Carpenter would go on to win the Bronze Star for his service in World War II and to a civilian career as an attorney. A graduate of Harvard Law School, he became president of Richards, Layton & Finger, a law firm. He died on Dec. 19, 2008 at age 87 and is survived by six children and 15 grandchildren:

It may seem very strange to the reader that one of my tender age should already be thinking about that inevitable end to which even the paths of glory lead. However, this essay is not really concerned with death, but rather with life, my future life. I have set down here the things which I, at this age, believe essential to happiness and complete enjoyment of life. Some of them will doubtless seem very odd to the reader; others will perhaps be completely in accord with his own wishes. At any rate, they compose a synopsis of the things which I sincerely desire to have done before I leave this world and pass on to the life hereafter or to oblivion.

Before I die I want to know that I have done something truly great, that I have accomplished some glorious achievement the credit for which belongs solely to me. I do not aspire to become as famous as a Napoleon and conquer many nations; but I do want, almost above all else, to feel that I have been an addition to this world of ours. I should like the world, or at least my native land, to be proud of me and to sit up and take notice when my name is pronounced and say, “There is a man who has done a great thing.” I do not want to have passed through life as just another speck of humanity, just another cog in a tremendous machine. I want to be something greater, far greater than that. My desire is not so much for immortality as for distinction while I am alive. When I leave this world, I want to know that my life has not been in vain, but that I have, in the course of my existence, done something of which I am rightfully very proud.

Before I die I want to know that during my life I have brought great happiness to others. Friendship, we all agree, is one of the best things in the world, and I want to have many friends. But I could never die fully contented unless I knew that those with whom I had been intimate had gained real happiness from their friendship with me. Moreover, I feel there is a really sincere pleasure to be found in pleasing others, a kind of pleasure that can not be gained from anything else. We all want much happiness in our lives, and giving it to others is one of the surest ways to achieve it for ourselves.

Before I die I want to have visited a large portion of the globe and to have actually lived with several foreign races in their own environment. By traveling in countries other than my own I hope to broaden and improve my outlook on life so that I can get a deeper, and more complete satisfaction from living. By mixing the weighty philosophy of China with the hard practicalism of America, I hope to make my life fuller. By blending the rigid discipline of Germany with the great liberty in our own nation I hope to more completely enjoy my years on this earth. These are but two examples of the many things which I expect to achieve by traveling and thus have a greater appreciation of life.

Before I die there is another great desire I must fulfill, and that is to have felt a truly great love. At my young age I know that love, other than some filial affection, is probably far beyond my ken. Yet, young as I may be, I believe I have had enough inkling of the subject to know that he who has not loved has not really lived. Nor will I feel my life is complete until I have actually experienced that burning flame and know that I am at last in love, truly in love. I want to feel that my whole heart and soul are set on one girl whom I wish to be a perfect angel in my eyes. I want to feel a love that will far surpass any other emotion that I have ever felt. I know that when I am at last really in love then I will start living a different, better life, filled with new pleasures that I never knew existed.

Before I die I want to feel a great sorrow. This, perhaps, of all my wishes will seem the strangest to the reader. Yet, is it unusual that I should wish to have had a complete life? I want to have lived fully, and certainly sorrow is a part of life. It is my belief that, as in the case of love, no man has lived until he has felt sorrow. It molds us and teaches us that there is a far deeper significance to life than might be supposed if one passed through this world forever happy and carefree. Moreover, once the pangs of sorrow have slackened, for I do not believe it to be a permanent emotion, its dregs often leave us a better knowledge of this world of ours and a better understanding of humanity. Yes, strange as it may seem, I really want to feel a great sorrow.

With this last wish I complete the synopsis of the things I want to do before I die. Irrational as they may seem to the reader, nevertheless they comprise a sincere summary of what I truthfully now believe to be the things most essential to a fully satisfactory and happy life. As I stand here on the threshold of my future, these are the things which to me seem the most valuable. Perhaps in fifty years I will think that they are extremely silly. Perhaps I will wonder, for instance, why I did not include a wish for continued happiness. Yet, right now, I do not desire my life to be a bed of roses. I want it to be something much more than that. I want it to be a truly great adventure, never dull, always exciting and engrossing; not sickly sweet, yet not unhappy. And I believe it will be all I wish if I do these things before I die.

As for death itself, I do not believe that it will be such a disagreeable thing providing my life has been successful. I have always considered life and death as two cups of wine. Of the first cup, containing the wine of life, we can learn a little from literature and from those who have drunk it, but only a little. In order to get the full flavor we must drink deeply of it for ourselves. I believe that after I have quaffed the cup containing the wine of life, emptied it to its last dregs, then I will not fear to turn to that other cup, the one whose contents can be designated only by X, an unknown, and a thing about which we can gain no knowledge at all until we drink for ourselves. Will it be sweet, or sour, or tasteless? Who can tell? Surely none of us like to think of death as the end of everything. Yet is it? That is a question that for all of us will one day be answered when we, having witnessed the drama of life, come to the final curtain. Probably we will all regret to leave this world, yet I believe that after I have drained the first cup, and have possibly grown a bit weary of its flavor, I will then turn not unwillingly to the second cup and to the new and thrilling experience of exploring the unknown.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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Ask the Social Man: Meeting Girls at Work

December 30, 2009

New user StumptheChump from our forums recently asked us about attracting women while he was working.

Here is my response from my ’shoebox’ in Chinatown ;)

Posted by Nick Sparks | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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Holiday Greetings

December 29, 2009

As a reader of this website, you have my sincerest appreciation. Since The Social Man became my full-time job in 2008, I’ve delighted in sharing my thoughts with you.

I track our email newsletter “stats” regularly – how many people actually open and click through – and, depending on the subject line, about 40-50% of you regularly read our messages.  That is nearly unheard of in this dating advice industry, and it tells me that, despite never having met or even communicated with many of you one on one, there is a solid relationship here.  I value every moment that you direct towards our thoughts, opinions, and advice; as this year and this decade rolls to a close, and as I pass my 30th year on this earth, I couldn’t ask for much more than what your readership has given me.

The longer that I spend in this “job,” if I can be so blessed as to call it that, the more I see how many of us are seeking something beyond that which brought us here.  Whatever life event made you decide that you should seek some advice on becoming better with women – whether it be a copy of “The Game” that your friend handed you, a bitter breakup, or a random, late-night trip through the back alleys of the Internet – if you’re still here, it says something about what you want for yourself and your life.  A search for a deeper truth, and an understanding of the patterns that move us in and out of lust and love.

If there is one great truth I’ve learned, it is that the thing we’re all seeking is inside of us.  It’s one of life’s little clichés that turns out to be true.  And at the risk over overusing a word that we overuse to begin with, I’d suggest that the thing we all seek is a firm grasp on our values, and a sense of our own value.

A notion of what is right and wrong for each of us, and the knowledge, skill and passion to live our lives accordingly.

A fire inside of us, that compels us to push beyond fear and doubt, go after what we want, and create something great in this world.

So I ask you – where is the source of your strength?  What code guides you, gives you confidence to go after what you want, and compels you forward?  Let’s leave the tactics and the “game” and the things to say out of it right now… I’m talking about the *thing* that moves you.

In the past, I’ve been greatly moved by fear, greed and ego…  I’ve been guilty of bringing people into my life, not to enrich theirs, but to fill some hole in my own.  And inevitably, I lost those people when I became insecure, deceptive, or when they saw a deep flaw of my character that my own ego and fear had kept me from addressing.

Fear, greed and ego are evil triplets of the same DNA, and will confounded a person’s ability to be effective in love and in life.  They impose restrictions on what one can truly know and love about oneself, and the extent to which a person will open up and share with others.

Moving beyond the self for a moment, when we look at much of the turmoil in the world today, from the Iranian government’s pursuit of the bomb, to the lockdown on the media in Venezuela, to the genocide in Darfur, we can point to the same root causes – people and regimes who are driven by fear, greed and self-preservation.

Despite these evils, it’s hard to argue that the world we live in today isn’t the best we’ve ever had.  Advancements in medicine, communications, transportation, finance, and education have made us all richer.  Our average standard of living, across the globe, is higher than it’s ever been, and while inequalities and imbalances exist, you can be sure that there is an NGO, nonprofit, or YouTube channel devoted to righting wrongs where they exist.  The last two years have been difficult – ruthlessly so in some cities and industries – but is seems that in the last ten years, our values and our systems have been mercilessly tested, and have survived.

And advancements continue unabated.  I believe that to be the nature of humanity and of industry.  Even in our tiny little industry, we’ve seen an evolution of how men are taught to be better with women.  For every man I meet who wants to indulge in casual sex, I meet five who want to become better men.  That’s not to say that the two are opposed – many men can only achieve their desire by passing through it’s opposite.  And for those who want casual sex, there is more information and instruction out there than ever before about how to achieve it.

But this fact alone underscores the most important point. Advancements in industry are often value-neutral.  Nuclear technology can be used to provide energy, or wipe out a city.  Advancements in communications can be used to send good tidings, or to spread hate.  And advancements in the art and science of attraction can be used to bring more love and excitement to the women in our lives, or to satisfy the fear, greed and ego of a weak person.

I find it fascinating that so many of humanity’s advancements have been developed for “defense” purposes or agencies.  Gunpowder, the Internet, the list goes on… and it could be argued that many men who seek advice on getting their dating life handled come into the fold as a matter of defense.  They’ve been hurt or are lonely, and never want to feel that way again. Their quest to become better with women starts not to give, but to protect.  I’ve been in that place before, and I speak of it not pejoratively, but sympathetically.

So, as with all advances, what a person does with this material all comes down to how it is applied… and that is a matter of values and principals.  The same values and principals which, when discovered, provide us with unbreakable strength, confidence and passion.  To go after what we want, and to bring others into our lives, knowing that we will leave them better than they were before.

The imperative that we all share is to make this world better for others.  An advancement cannot be said to be complete until it has had a moral principal applied to it that works to the benefit of other human beings.  To the extent that anything we’ve provided you has been an advancement in knowledge, skills or action, my sincere hope is that you find the opportunity to enrich the lives of women, friends and family with it.  As one of the great philosophers of His day advised, my hope would be that you “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

So as this decade comes to a close, and as we have a chance to reflect during the holidays, I hope you will join me in making a commitment to yourself to continued self-improvement, and the dedication to serve others.  On our end, we have a lot of great stuff coming in 2010, and it continues to be our privilege to help you discover the awesome, fun, loving person inside of yourself, and share it with the world.  We all wish you the very best during
this special time of year.

Peace,
Christian

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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How to Throw a Big Party

August 24, 2009

Our party last week was a massive success: about 200 guests through the door, over $3000 raised for the charity and we met our bar guarantee.  One of my co-hosts – John G – also had the good grace to stop the party and get everyone to sing me happy birthday – absolutely something I’ll never forget.

It took a lot to make this one happen.  Negotiating with a venue, stuffing gift bags, collecting items for a silent auction… I was lucky to be working with a few very organized people.

I’ve written before about how to get the word out about a party (although that post seems to be lost, hmmm) and how to be a good social connector, so today, let’s consider the flow of the party.

If you want your party to achieve “rager” status, you’ve got about four hours to make it happen.  The crowd, the music, and the alcohol need to come together in the right way to get people to forget about the rest of their lives for a few hours and surrender completely to the fun they’re having.

Let’s start with the crowd: it’s not sufficient to invite your friends.  They all know each other already, and if you’re a guy, then chances are that most of your friends are guys too.  And they’ll most likely bring guys, because if you hype your party enough, they’re not going to want to bring a date unless she’s a girlfriend – they want to meet girls there. So get a co-host or five.

When you have enough co-hosts – and when there are slightly more female co-hosts than males – you’ll end up with the right male:female ratio.  People will feel peripherally connected, but see a lot of new faces.

How about the music?  A good DJ or two will do the hard work for you, but if you don’t know any (and even if you do, and want to give them some direction), a few tips…  The first hour and a half should be fairly chill, and not too loud.  You want people talking and getting comfortable with each other and in the venue.  Stuff like Gypsy Kings, Buena Vista Social Club, even a little ambient music is fine.  But starting about an hour and a half into the party, the music should increase in volume and vibe.  Nothing insane… but definitely more fun.  Some 80’s and 90’s hip hop… stuff that just feels good.  And about two and half hours into the party, break out the dance music.  Madonna, Kanye, Lionel Richie… the big hits that everyone loves to dance and sing along to.

And finally, the alcohol.  Alcohol plays an important part in making a rager come together.  Besides getting people drunk, it provides a social activity, and if delivered right, adds greatly to the vibe of the party.

People rarely show up and start hitting liquor hard, but it’s in your best interest as a host to get them two drinks in fairly quickly – within 45 to an hour.  Italian beer brand Peroni sponsored our event, so we gave everyone who paid in advance a free beer with their admission for this event.  Two-for-one cocktails in the first hour of the party is another great way to get people drinking.

About two hours into the party, accompanying the music changes, the shots should start flying; this is when you as the host have to be a catalyst.  And the fancier the alcohol, the better.  No one loves straight vodka shots, but when it’s Grey Goose, very few people will say no.  Patron is obviously another winner.

Not long after the shots start flowing – maybe 15 to 30 minutes – get ready to pop some bottles of champagne.  Pour them into flutes and distribute them to as many girls as you can – the hotter the better.  It is an old party axiom that if hot girls are having fun, other people will start to have fun too.   Don’t be stingy with the champagne – it doesn’t have to be Cristal – it just has to be bubbly and fun.  Do this two or three more times over the next 30-45, as people are dancing more.  Your goal is for the girls to feel taken care of.

Think of it this way: the hosts set the vibe of the party, and if they do things right, the hot girls pick up on that.  Fun and social guys start to vibe off the hot girls, and soon, everyone is drinking, dancing and enjoying themselves.  Lost in the moment of the party and forgetting about their days.

If things have come together properly, an early evening party (i.e. something that starts around 6:30) should really be moving about 3 hours in.  Later parties i.e. those that start around 10 or 11 should be moving within two hours – just compress the activity timeline.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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Tonight…

August 19, 2009

I turned 30 on Sunday, and to celebrate, I’ve been planning a charity event that is taking place tonight.  Drop whatever plans you have… this is going to be a fantastic party.  You can get details and buy tickets at: www.karmaparty.org

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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New Music For You

May 9, 2009

This isn’t my mixtape… but its damn good.  The Deck Bros are two guys out of Boston with mad turntable skills and a love for the old skool jams.  Their Crate Candy mixes are amazing if you’re into straight hip hop.  But on their Mashalicious mix, they get really creative; its all mash-up, all good, and if you like Girl Talk or any of the stuff I’ve put out, it’ll be right up your alley.  Fantastic for parties, and all your friend will be asking where you came by it. Right click on the image and choose “save link as…”, then download the MP3 right to your computer – and enjoy it!

And if you like ‘em, show them some love at www.deckbros.com.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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A Lesson from Lebron James

May 5, 2009

Tonight, Lebron James and the Cavs are taking on the Hawks in the 2nd round of the NBA playoffs.

It’s going to be awesome to watch.

Lebron is absolutely TEARING through his competition. Tonight will be no different.

And there’s an important takeaway in all of this for you.

You see, right now Lebron is a man on a mission. He’s hungry for the title. He wants to go down as the greatest of all time.

But it wasn’t always this way.

You see, last seasion, it all ended for him with a loss to the Celtics.

Game 7, he gave it all, but he came up short.

He was crushed.

But it was in this moment of defeat that everything changed for him. He became hungry. He became determined. He became a man, on a mission.

Since then NO ONE in the world has worked harder at his craft. No one.

He completely revamped his outside shot, spending hours a day with his specialized shooting coach.

He started hiting the gym, daily, to pack on 10 pounds of size and strength.

And he started a new routines where he shows up to the court hours before each game and takes thousands of shots…before the game is even played.

What’s this got to do with you?

EVERYTHING

Lebron’s drive comes from his defeat. His hunger is fueled by a desire to overcome.

When he got knocked down in game 7 last year, he got up….guns blazing.

Think about your path to getting this area of your life handled.

What’s knocked you down in the past? How did you respond?

How far are you willing to go to get what you really want?

How hungry are you?

These are all things to think about. Things that will change your life.

And if you get a chance, watch the guy on TV tonight.

It might just spark something in you

Keep on Rockin,
Mark

www.conqueryourcampus.com

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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Ask The Social Man: making guy friends

April 10, 2009

How do you make friends with guys? Our thoughts here:

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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New DJ Set: April 09 Mixtape

April 8, 2009

In case you missed it on the mailing list, or on facebook, I’ve put a new mix together. My favorite so far with a long lead up to two big peaks of energy.  Download it for free, enjoy it, and share it with friends.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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Ask The Social Man: bringing a girl into your social circle

March 27, 2009

Today, we consider the question: “I went on a date with a girl, sparks didn’t fly, but we got along well as friends. How should I bring her into my social circle?”

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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