In motorcycle racing, it's the twist of the wrist that propels the bike from 60 to 140 out of a perfectly executed corner and onto a straight in mere seconds.
And with a women… it's the elevated tension, moments before the kiss, when instincts overpower doubt, and desire takes over.
What's the common thread here?
So listen - tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I have the good fortune to be spending it with an awesome girl I've been dating for about eight months, and I gotta say, she's a "ten" to me.
Note to self: make dinner reservations after I write this.
It wasn't always this way. In grade school, I was the kid who'd get a few sympathy cards from girls and the teacher... think "I Choo Choo Choose You" if you're a Simpsons fan.
I want your true and honest thoughts on this. Here's why:
Up till now, I've been primarily responsible for all of our marketing. I've recently hired someone to help out, but if you've read a sales letter, or an email, or seen a photo on the site, that's been my work.
And if you've been following for awhile, no doubt you've seen mention of "9's and 10's"… how we're some of the only guys in the market who date them… how our material will help you land one of your own… etc.
Thing is, some people find this sort of objectification immature, offensive, or degrading.
And I get that.
For one thing, the classification invariably refers to a girl's looks. And even the most beautiful women in the world want to be appreciated for more than their appearance.
I'd also argue that a guy whose values are so oriented around physical appearance will be less likely to end up with the woman he wants; rather than being fun, flirty and fearless around her, he'll let his perception of her value hold him back - this is one of the problems that Fearless addresses.
And significantly, marketing drives reality. Marketers often take creative liberties to sell an idea… of what's possible… of what's real for someone other than you… of the person you'll be and the life you'll lead if you just buy this or that thing. Marketers often contribute to current realities, and in some cases, invent new realities.
So when we use a phrase like "9's and 10's" in our marketing, it could be (and has been) argued to me that we're contributing to a reality that needs to, well… grow up.
No doubt, my own idea of a "9 or 10" comes from the imprints that the media made upon me. Sports Illustrated covers, Victoria's Secret billboards, flyers from Tiffany's… and of course, the nonstop mention of BOTTLES N MODELS by Kanye, Jay-Z, and their imitators.
But then I'm reminded of a phrase from a beautiful book about myth and legend….
"The writer must be true to truth." And that's a killer, because the only way you can describe a human being truly is by describing his imperfections.
And I'm reminded that, for as long as I can remember, men have been speaking like this.
And I'm also reminded that each man's "ten" is unique. It all depends on his value system.
So I'm curious…
… as a guy, how to you feel about the media and marketing portrayal of women?
… how do you feel about it when you see the phrase "9's and 10's" in marketing?
… and what is a "ten" to you?
And please - keep it classy and thoughtful ;) It's something that's easy to joke about, but I really want to know what you guys think!
Here's the deal: a lot of guys who are trying to get better with women think that, when they're around pretty women, they need to do MORE.
More stuff to say.
More techniques.
More lines.
The truth is that you actually need to do less.
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Following up from last week's article on female psychology and difficult women (thanks for all the great thoughts, by the way), I want to get a little more practical for you, and pull right from a few of my own big breakups.
If you'll recall, we covered the two types of tests that women give you in a relationship - Tests of Insecurity and Tests of Strength.
Tests of Insecurity come in the form of "do you love me?" and "do you think she's prettier than me?" They're attempts to "pull you in" to her, reassure her, and redress her insecurities.
Tests of Strength come in the form of "don't put up with that shit from your boss" and "why didn't you take the trash out like you said you would?" They're attempts to "push you" to being stronger, better, and tougher.
As it so happens, my first two serious relationships would often feature, and ended as a result of, each of these types of tests. So without naming real names or revealing too much, let's resurrect these ghosts of my past and see what we can learn from them, yeah?
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And not just for sex and food. Women balance us out. They rein in our more violent impulses, encourage good grooming and hygiene, and expose us to movies we'd never watch otherwise, like The Notebook.
It goes beyond chick flicks, of course. Biologically, you need some estrogen to balance out testosterone. Spiritually, it's Yin and Yang.
Chances are you've picked up a self-help book or twenty; I've read my share. But as great as they are, not a single one has truly changed me. And while my a larger reading list is on my bio, I find myself referencing the same five books over and over again in my conversations with clients.
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"Jeez louise, man… so let me get this straight. She never responded to your texts, she never wanted to talk to you about your life, and she was cold to you…. but you were driving her around whenever she asked for a ride?"
I sometimes forget what it's like for a guy who is just discovering all of this "dating advice" stuff. Is it possible that he thinks that being her chauffeur is the path to her heart? Even Bullwinkle has more self-respect than to put up with this sort of behavior from Rocky.
I ask him what motivated this idea.
While I'm over there, David Tian and I will be holding a meet and greet, as well as a private bootcamp for a few select guys; details on that soon.
In the meantime, enjoy this conversation that David and I recorded the other night. One quick tip each - something you can use immediately.
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And I want you to do a favor for yourself and for me. Leave a comment about how you're going to use one of these tips.
For yourself, it'll be good to imagine yourself doing it, and you'll be more likely to put it into action if you've made a comment here and held yourself accountable
And for my benefit, well... David and I made a little bet that whoever received the fewest comments on either our blogs or our facebook fan pages would have to dress up like Urkel and do some daytime approaches while being filmed. So, help me put David in a pocket protector and some colorful suspenders and let me know how are gonna use one or both of these techniques ;)
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"Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts."
Tattoo that one on your midsection or something, it's worth remembering. And it has everything to do with your success with women, with your career, and yup... your overall happiness level. And since I just re-read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, I've realized that this idea dovetails nicely with the idea of Quality, which lies at the heart of of that book. |
What is the Quality of your woman? What is the Quality of your career? What is the Quality of your life?
Let's look at a few examples, shall we?
