The Social Man

I was recently asked about the best way to respond when a woman rejects you, and this is actually a fantastic question that really gets to the heart of the stuff that I teach guys.

It's not important so that you can "save face" or anything like that, but rather because knowing ahead of time how to handle these situation will help you feel a lot more secure. And when you feel secure you'll allow yourself to take more risks in your social life.

Risks lead to rewards.

One of the biggest reasons that more guys don't approach women is because they are scared of the unknown. They don't know WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN if they go up to her and spit a little game. Or, if they do approach they get to scared to move things forward and express their intent, touch her, kiss her, or even ask for her number.

But once you KNOW about all of the different things that can happen and are prepared for them there is no longer anything to be afraid of.

So, this being the case what is the proper response when a woman rejects you?

The easy answer is to say "Okay cool" and then to walk away. But there are a lot of situations where rejection isn't all that clear cut and you are actually better off trying to hang in there and see if she is testing you or what.

So the first thing to do is to figure out what kind of rejection you are really dealing with here, I've narrowed it down to three types:

Type #1) Cold blooded rejection
Have you ever walked up to a hot chick who was standing at the bar, said your friendly opening line and got a response like "why are you talking to me" or "dude stop" or even then classic "F*ck off"? Depending on where your head is at this type of rejection can come as quite a blow.

Luckily these rude dismissals are rare and your response to them is a no-brainer. You just smile and eject.

It is important not to get upset or to make it look like this has phased you in any way because if there are any other women around that you want to talk to you don't want them to know that you got all butt hurt because of some rude girl.

(NOTE: If you are getting a cold blooded rejection response less than 3% of the time you are probably fine. Unfortunately there are a certain number of women out there who are just plain rude. However, if you get this response more often then there is probably something about what you are doing that women are finding repulsive and you need to fix that.)

Type #2) Luke warm rejection
Most of the time when a woman turns you down she will do it in a fairly gentle manner. For instance she'll talk to you for a sec and then be like, "y'know what I've got to run, nice talking to you" and then she leaves. or perhaps you approach her at a bar but she keeps turning to her friends and ignoring you.

In these situations you have two options, you can either accept the apparent rejection and do nothing (smile and eject) or if you are feeling up for it you can keep trying a bit to see if you can get anywhere. This depends on whether or not you feel like the extra effort is worth it and whether you are okay with the possibility of increasingly colder rejections

If you felt like you had a shot and you couldn't care less about getting rejected you could say something like "are you seriously going to just leave without giving me your phone number?" or "Are you seriously going to ignore me and talk to your friends right now?" These kinds of reactions allow you to cut through the BS and see where you really stand with her.

Type #3) Incongruent rejection
An incongruent rejection occurs when you were talking to a girl who seemed into you but then she tells you that it's a "no-go". Maybe she'll tell you that she has got a boyfriend or that you just aren't her type. This kind of rejection is actually one of the most difficult for guys to deal with because just when you think you are gonna get somewhere with a girl it feels like you got the rug pulled out from under you.

My suggestion when you meet with this kind of rejection is to soldier on and keep going for it anyways. A lot of times this is what I call "fake-rejection" because it's really just an attempt to see how interested and secure you are. If you give up at the first sign of resistance, you fail the test.

So a lot of times pushing through will actually get you the girl in these cases, plus as a bonus you will become more confident because you will be training yourself to stare rejection in the face and not back down from it.

Just keep it light, tell her that you already know that she likes you and that she should give up this silly act...

In the end, nothing is 100% in life and every one of us will face some form of rejection at some point in time. But if you are prepared to handle it you'll have the freedom to go after the things that you want in life and make your ancestors proud!

Jake Vandenhoff is a Dating Coach For Men and author specializing in self-development. His programs help men build self-esteem and transform their love lives. For more information on how to attract women online, proven methods for creating powerful chemistry, and much more visit his website at www.attractandconquer.com.

A lot of guys tell me that their biggest sticking point with women is “getting attraction.”

I think the word gets used as a placeholder far to often, so let’s see if we can shine a little light on on a specific element of attraction: arousal.

You will not go home with a car loaded full of beautiful women by being “interesting” or making them laugh. That stuff is important, but then again… everything is important ;)

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There's a unique quality of voice that accompanies a "come to Jesus" moment… you know, that moment when some serious hell gets rained down on you by someone you care about, in a way that makes you question everything about yourself.

It's kind of like the frightened warble of a blind baby bird, unsure if the looming shadow is Mom returning to the nest, or a predator out for a snack.

It's distinctive enough that, within moments of picking up the phone, I knew that something was way wrong with my friend, who's regarded as a "top dog" in the world of men's dating advice. Guys like him don't normally sound like this.

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A series on the qualities of the empowered and balanced masculine written for The Social Man.

It’s important for guys who are seeking to improve their relationships with women to learn skills to be an attractive man. However, to find and keep your own personal perfect 10, you will have to become that man. This series then will describe and point the way towards the qualities embodied by the rare balanced and unified masculine man. Modern men have lost touch with many of the qualities that characterize empowered masculinity. Our society lacks strong yet balanced masculine role models and the women’s and men’s movements in some ways have disempowered both men and women. In this series, let’s go on a journey and explore some of the qualities the perfect man would have if he had grown up with ideal mentors. I will use a series of personal stories from my life to illustrate each point.

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In this month's Alpha Male Example, Ian breaks down the character of Spartacus, from the eponymous TV series. What can we learn from him about being an awesome, attractive guy?

Read on for the full analysis...

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A series on the qualities of the empowered and balanced masculine written for The Social Man.

It’s important for guys who are seeking to improve their relationships with women to learn skills to be an attractive man. However, to find and keep your own personal perfect 10, you will have to become that man. This series then will describe and point the way towards the qualities embodied by the rare balanced and unified masculine man. Modern men have lost touch with many of the qualities that characterize empowered masculinity. Our society lacks strong yet balanced masculine role models and the women’s and men’s movements in some ways have disempowered both men and women. In this series, let’s go on a journey and explore some of the qualities the perfect man would have if he had grown up with ideal mentors.

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Wow, TSM is four years old.

When I started this business, I was pretty deep in debt, had no "Plan B," and wasn't certain that I'd be able to make my next rent payment.

But here we are.

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Amazing final day in South Beach… a little work in the morning, daytime volleyball with a cool group of brazilians, evening massage at the Delano, and a four mile run on the beach to wind down the night.

So these last few weeks, we've been talking about the mindset that drives confidence.  But let's get a practical and talk about how this plays out in a real world situation.

The Delano is a swanky/sexy/chic hotel, and attracts a similar crowd.  You need to know someone, or have a room key, to get in the front door for their Sunday afternoon parties.  My type of place.

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"Just go talk to her dude. Even one-armed women need lovin' too."

So spoke my friend, moments before my first ever cold approach.

Despite her missing limb, I was nervous as hell. Total lack of confidence, heart thumping in my throat… it felt like my brain was going to melt down.

I steeled myself, and prepared to say hello.

It took years for me to become comfortable in these moments. I had pretty bad social anxiety, and it was a long, slow process to overcome it.

How did I become more confident with women in these situations, and how can you shortcut the process and develop that genuine, rockstar confidence?

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I've often thought that if I meet the man who invented Tostitos Hint of Lime chips, I'd give him a hug, then punch him in the face.

When a bag of these chips is tucked away in my cabinet, it takes every ounce of willpower in my body to resist 'em.  Especially on those late night spelunking trips into the cabinet.  I LOVE them.  My girlfriend has strict instructions to keep them out of the house.

No doubt you've experienced a case of the midnight munchies yourself.

Believe it or not, every time you give in to it, you are KILLING your confidence.  Here's how:

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