The Social Man

Crazy few days… we relaunched Fearless yesterday and are selling out fast.  And while I've finally started to hire some people to help out around here (if you're an entrepreneur, you probably know how hard it is to "let go") I still do a lot of the tech stuff, the marketing, the production… it's a lot to pull together when 50,000 people or so are watching! Wanted to do a quickie about how to be confident around women, since that's what Fearless is all about.

Here's the deal: a lot of guys who are trying to get better with women think that, when they're around pretty women, they need to do MORE.

More stuff to say.

More techniques.

More lines.

The truth is that you actually need to do less.
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Scotch, and Sherlock Holmes stories. Don't break up with a girl without 'em.

Following up from last week's article on female psychology and difficult women (thanks for all the great thoughts, by the way), I want to get a little more practical for you, and pull right from a few of my own big breakups.

If you'll recall, we covered the two types of tests that women give you in a relationship - Tests of Insecurity and Tests of Strength.

Tests of Insecurity come in the form of "do you love me?" and "do you think she's prettier than me?" They're attempts to "pull you in" to her, reassure her, and redress her insecurities.

Tests of Strength come in the form of "don't put up with that shit from your boss" and "why didn't you take the trash out like you said you would?" They're attempts to "push you" to being stronger, better, and tougher.

As it so happens, my first two serious relationships would often feature, and ended as a result of, each of these types of tests. So without naming real names or revealing too much, let's resurrect these ghosts of my past and see what we can learn from them, yeah?
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Let's face it - us guys need women around.

And not just for sex and food.  Women balance us out.  They rein in our more violent impulses, encourage good grooming and hygiene, and expose us to movies we'd never watch otherwise, like The Notebook.

It goes beyond chick flicks, of course.  Biologically, you need some estrogen to balance out testosterone.  Spiritually, it's Yin and Yang.

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On the fourth floor of the Bras Basah Complex here in Singapore, you'll find the offices of Chinese Success Media.  It's where my friend David holds his Aura Dating Academy classes, and amazingly, where you'll find the walls lined with transcriptions of books from the likes of Tony Robbins, T Harv Ecker, and Richard Kiyosaki.  Amazing and amusing that in the far reaches of the globe (admittedly Westernized as this one may be), the leaders in self-help are near at hand.

Chances are you've picked up a self-help book or twenty; I've read my share.  But as great as they are, not a single one has truly changed me.  And while my a larger reading list is on my bio, I find myself referencing the same five books over and over again in my conversations with clients.
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I hear some crazy stuff, but this was just, well… sad. I needed to make sure I was hearing things right.

"Jeez louise, man… so let me get this straight. She never responded to your texts, she never wanted to talk to you about your life, and she was cold to you…. but you were driving her around whenever she asked for a ride?"

I sometimes forget what it's like for a guy who is just discovering all of this "dating advice" stuff. Is it possible that he thinks that being her chauffeur is the path to her heart? Even Bullwinkle has more self-respect than to put up with this sort of behavior from Rocky.

I ask him what motivated this idea.

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There's something about Asia that's always spoken to me... a whisper of sorts... a mystery to discover... a secret to unlock. So I'm excited to finally be visiting in a few weeks - I'll be in Singapore from Nov 15 to Dec 15, with a yet-to-be-confirmed mini trip to some exotic location.

While I'm over there, David Tian and I will be holding a meet and greet, as well as a private bootcamp for a few select guys; details on that soon.

In the meantime, enjoy this conversation that David and I recorded the other night. One quick tip each - something you can use immediately.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

And I want you to do a favor for yourself and for me. Leave a comment about how you're going to use one of these tips.

For yourself, it'll be good to imagine yourself doing it, and you'll be more likely to put it into action if you've made a comment here and held yourself accountable

And for my benefit, well... David and I made a little bet that whoever received the fewest comments on either our blogs or our facebook fan pages would have to dress up like Urkel and do some daytime approaches while being filmed.  So, help me put David in a pocket protector and some colorful suspenders and let me know how are gonna use one or both of these techniques ;)

 

There has been something swirling around in my mind... slightly out of focus at first, then coming sharply into view in the last week when I remembered a quotation by good ol' Soren Kierkegaard.

"Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts." Tattoo that one on your midsection or something, it's worth remembering.  And it has everything to do with your success with women, with your career, and yup... your overall happiness level. And since I just re-read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, I've realized that this idea dovetails nicely with the idea of Quality, which lies at the heart of of that book.

What is the Quality of your woman?  What is the Quality of your career?  What is the Quality of your life?

Let's look at a few examples, shall we?

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Woooooo.  I'm happy.

This damn website I've been working on for six months is done.  It does a lot of cool stuff and makes it super-easy to access our content. Here's how it all works:

Short Video Demo

It's been a lot of hard work… in fact, the last year has been filled with hard work.  I used to HATE hard work.

But what I'm here to suggest today is that hard work and happiness are intimately connected, and have everything to do with your confidence, your success with women, and your overall well-being as a man.

This isn't about manifesting your dreams with a pseudo-spiritual Secret, or working a few hours a week and making millions, or becoming egoless, or learning the 3 simple phrases that will make any woman want you.  This is about the real, no-bullshit approach to life that makes a man confident, self-assured, and insanely attractive.

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In all the time I've been subscribed to dating advice newsletters, I don't think I've ever seen an email about thoughtfulness with women.

It's one of those mushy words that calls us to be our better selves, and there was definitely a (rather selfish) time in my life when I was dismissive of anything that involved me putting forth extra effort towards women.

But this morning, as I was posting this song to my friend Fatima's facebook wall, it struck me how much of a role thoughtfulness has played in my best relationships. A few examples...

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