Finding Purpose & Satisfaction

Off to the Dominican for a much-needed vaca tomorrow…

You’re going to see some big ol’ changes coming down the pipe here soon – we want to get broader with the advice we’re giving. There will be a lot of stuff on interaction skills and game, but also quite a bit on confidence, purpose, etc. – it’s what we’re passionate to engage our clients and readers with, and ultimately, it leads to great change and transformation. So with that, here’s a very, very quick answer to a reader question… with his permission, of course.

———

Hey Christian,
First off, gotta say I really dig your guy’s approach to all this. You understand many of us follow various dating “gurus” via their mailing lists, and you speak to that. Awesome. Further, you don’t talk like weirdo pick up artists. You talk and come across like regular, down to earth, cool guys. That is exactly the type of person I prefer to be friends with and who I am willing to take advice from.

Ok, enough ego stroking. On to my question.

I understand fundamentally the notion that one must be totally in love and passionate with their own life in order to attract the high quality women who, by nature, share the same quality. I’ve had this quality in the past, in fact most of my adult life, until recently. I have more free time (that I do fill with awesome activites that I enjoy) and a well paying job. But, I can’t seem to recapture that zest for being alive every day, that excitement for things to come and things I enjoy. I’ve lost it along the way. Truth is, I’ve always tended to view life through grey sunglasses when I’m without an awesome woman in my life. How does a guy like me get past this?

Thanks,
C

————

Hey C. Thanks for the very kind words… always appreciate hearing some honest thoughts.

It sounds like there are a lot of great things going on in your life. But without knowing too much about your job, it sound like a lot of your life serves yourself. When I was in my early twenties, I had a good job, nice girlfriend, and spent a lot of time racing my bmw :) but I was definitely missing something. And I know what you mean about the listlessness of life when you don’t have a cool girl. The ONLY thing that has mitigated that for me has been making my life so awesome, and so much my own, that having a cool girl in it is more of a magnifier, than it is a transformation.

I think that for guys in our situation, the next step is to find a cause outside of yourself that you can get excited about. It could be educating kids about how to sail, or raising money for haiti, or volunteering at a hospice (I’ve done that last one and trust me, it’s not easy). I’m fortunate that my business gives me a mouthpiece to share some of my values with the world and hope that it affects them, but even if you’re not in the exact same situation, the goal is to find something that you can take *ownership* of. And it doesn’t even have to be humanitarian in nature (although there is no greater joy than giving to others – I really believe that). There’s a difference between participating/contributing to something, and owning/building it. I suspect that finding a project or cause that you can really own in heart and in mind will give your life some added dimension, and rather than being a hobby that occupies your time, it will be a part of you that occupies others. Make sense?

———-

And I’d like to actually revise my initial statements. Having a girl in your life who offers you the ability to evolve and yes, maybe even transform a little bit, is very, very healthy. For more on that, please see Nick’s article entitled The Honeymoon’s Over.

March 5, 2010 | By Christian | Comments | Posted in Crank Your Confidence

Adam Gilad & Erotic Mastery

Had a fascinating conversation today with Adam Gilad.

Well, it’s always a good talk, but this time we recorded it. The discussion is a little bit R-rated – Adam had a lot to share about being a great lover and give a woman an experience she’s never had in the bedroom. Enjoy this one.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

And learn more about big Adam at his site – he’s got first-class material on the subject matter.

February 17, 2010 | By Christian | Comments | Posted in Women And The World

Temperature Check Questions

February 12, 2010 | By Christian | Comments | Posted in Pickup Your Game

Tiny Text Suggestion

I’m having fun with these :) Someone wrote in yesterday with this one:

Her: “I am excited about new major – in radio n tv….blah.. blah..”

Yours Truly: “That’s great, Barbara…. Do they have any majors in dishwashers and microwave?:)”

That’s a hard neg… esp when she’s opening up. I’d soften up the tease and make it edifying:

Her: “I am excited about new major – in radio n tv….blah.. blah..”

Me: “That IS exciting. So are you gonna be the sexy weather girl or the sexy sportcaster?”

February 10, 2010 | By Christian | Comments | Posted in Pickup Your Game

Before I Die…

Borrowed from the Wall Street Journal… I hope they don’t mind.

The following essay was written by Edmund N. Carpenter, age 17, in June 1938 while he was a student in Lawrenceville, N.J. Carpenter would go on to win the Bronze Star for his service in World War II and to a civilian career as an attorney. A graduate of Harvard Law School, he became president of Richards, Layton & Finger, a law firm. He died on Dec. 19, 2008 at age 87 and is survived by six children and 15 grandchildren:

It may seem very strange to the reader that one of my tender age should already be thinking about that inevitable end to which even the paths of glory lead. However, this essay is not really concerned with death, but rather with life, my future life. I have set down here the things which I, at this age, believe essential to happiness and complete enjoyment of life. Some of them will doubtless seem very odd to the reader; others will perhaps be completely in accord with his own wishes. At any rate, they compose a synopsis of the things which I sincerely desire to have done before I leave this world and pass on to the life hereafter or to oblivion.

Before I die I want to know that I have done something truly great, that I have accomplished some glorious achievement the credit for which belongs solely to me. I do not aspire to become as famous as a Napoleon and conquer many nations; but I do want, almost above all else, to feel that I have been an addition to this world of ours. I should like the world, or at least my native land, to be proud of me and to sit up and take notice when my name is pronounced and say, “There is a man who has done a great thing.” I do not want to have passed through life as just another speck of humanity, just another cog in a tremendous machine. I want to be something greater, far greater than that. My desire is not so much for immortality as for distinction while I am alive. When I leave this world, I want to know that my life has not been in vain, but that I have, in the course of my existence, done something of which I am rightfully very proud.

Before I die I want to know that during my life I have brought great happiness to others. Friendship, we all agree, is one of the best things in the world, and I want to have many friends. But I could never die fully contented unless I knew that those with whom I had been intimate had gained real happiness from their friendship with me. Moreover, I feel there is a really sincere pleasure to be found in pleasing others, a kind of pleasure that can not be gained from anything else. We all want much happiness in our lives, and giving it to others is one of the surest ways to achieve it for ourselves.

Before I die I want to have visited a large portion of the globe and to have actually lived with several foreign races in their own environment. By traveling in countries other than my own I hope to broaden and improve my outlook on life so that I can get a deeper, and more complete satisfaction from living. By mixing the weighty philosophy of China with the hard practicalism of America, I hope to make my life fuller. By blending the rigid discipline of Germany with the great liberty in our own nation I hope to more completely enjoy my years on this earth. These are but two examples of the many things which I expect to achieve by traveling and thus have a greater appreciation of life.

Before I die there is another great desire I must fulfill, and that is to have felt a truly great love. At my young age I know that love, other than some filial affection, is probably far beyond my ken. Yet, young as I may be, I believe I have had enough inkling of the subject to know that he who has not loved has not really lived. Nor will I feel my life is complete until I have actually experienced that burning flame and know that I am at last in love, truly in love. I want to feel that my whole heart and soul are set on one girl whom I wish to be a perfect angel in my eyes. I want to feel a love that will far surpass any other emotion that I have ever felt. I know that when I am at last really in love then I will start living a different, better life, filled with new pleasures that I never knew existed.

Before I die I want to feel a great sorrow. This, perhaps, of all my wishes will seem the strangest to the reader. Yet, is it unusual that I should wish to have had a complete life? I want to have lived fully, and certainly sorrow is a part of life. It is my belief that, as in the case of love, no man has lived until he has felt sorrow. It molds us and teaches us that there is a far deeper significance to life than might be supposed if one passed through this world forever happy and carefree. Moreover, once the pangs of sorrow have slackened, for I do not believe it to be a permanent emotion, its dregs often leave us a better knowledge of this world of ours and a better understanding of humanity. Yes, strange as it may seem, I really want to feel a great sorrow.

With this last wish I complete the synopsis of the things I want to do before I die. Irrational as they may seem to the reader, nevertheless they comprise a sincere summary of what I truthfully now believe to be the things most essential to a fully satisfactory and happy life. As I stand here on the threshold of my future, these are the things which to me seem the most valuable. Perhaps in fifty years I will think that they are extremely silly. Perhaps I will wonder, for instance, why I did not include a wish for continued happiness. Yet, right now, I do not desire my life to be a bed of roses. I want it to be something much more than that. I want it to be a truly great adventure, never dull, always exciting and engrossing; not sickly sweet, yet not unhappy. And I believe it will be all I wish if I do these things before I die.

As for death itself, I do not believe that it will be such a disagreeable thing providing my life has been successful. I have always considered life and death as two cups of wine. Of the first cup, containing the wine of life, we can learn a little from literature and from those who have drunk it, but only a little. In order to get the full flavor we must drink deeply of it for ourselves. I believe that after I have quaffed the cup containing the wine of life, emptied it to its last dregs, then I will not fear to turn to that other cup, the one whose contents can be designated only by X, an unknown, and a thing about which we can gain no knowledge at all until we drink for ourselves. Will it be sweet, or sour, or tasteless? Who can tell? Surely none of us like to think of death as the end of everything. Yet is it? That is a question that for all of us will one day be answered when we, having witnessed the drama of life, come to the final curtain. Probably we will all regret to leave this world, yet I believe that after I have drained the first cup, and have possibly grown a bit weary of its flavor, I will then turn not unwillingly to the second cup and to the new and thrilling experience of exploring the unknown.

February 8, 2010 | By Christian | Comments | Posted in Live The Good Life

Text Messaging Tips

Sadly, I don’t usually get a chance to respond to all the questions we get sent… we’re working to make our video blogs a once a day thing, and in the meantime, we all appreciate your patience when you send a question in and don’t hear from us right away. But every now and then someone writes in, and I’m sitting right by the email and I’m able to get back with a quick response :) So please enjoy this very brief text messaging breakdown I shared with “D”. My annotations are in italics.

> Sunday, Jan. 17 4:25 pm
> D:
> “Hi there…my sister gave me your #. We should meet for coffee
> tomorrow at some point if you’re free.
>
Coulda introduced yourself better. “hey, this is your future best
friend named D! my sis gave my ur number and said we’d get along
:)”

then you went straight for asking her out instead of building rapport.
she smelled your agenda a mile away.

> Sun, Jan 17 6:04 pm
> M:
> Hey, it’s nice to hear from you, coffee sounds good, but im going to
> the suburbs to see my dad, he just got home from the hospital but i
> might be back in the evening or else another night this week?
>
> Sun, Jan. 17, 6:58 pm
> D:
> In that event, why don’t we get together later in the week? How’s
> Friday look for you? I’m also down there on Thursdays.
>

don’t ask girls out on friday for the first time, weekends are for
friends and boyfriends weeknights are for dates. also the way you ask
a girl out is to say “when are you available next week?” so that
you’re not just throwing out possible dates.

> Sun, Jan. 17, 8:40 pm
> M:
> Friday is my birthday actually :) but thursday could work
>
> Sun, Jan 17, 9:25 pm
> D:
> Alright, Thursday it is then. Now we just have to figure out where and when.
>

no vibing off her birthday, you’re just straight to the point of
asking her out. she’s giving you so much to play with and you just
keep pressing towards asking her out. this exchange isn’t fun for her
or making her smile, it’s just some guy asking her out with logistics.

> Monday, Jan 18, 10:36 am
> Sorry for delayed response, thursday sounds good!
>
> Monday, Jan 18, 11:04 am
> D:
> No worries. How about Iguana Cafe at 6 PM? We can meet there or I can
> pick you up?
>
way to soon to respond after she took 12 hours to respond.

> M:
> Sounds good! i can just meet you there since you have to be somewhere
> after, thats probably easiest
>
> D:
> Cool, I will see you there on Thurs. :)
>

you should have been texting with her between then an thurs. but
since your whole exchange up to this point was only about asking her
out and not about having fun and building intrigue and rapport, you
didn’t have anything to say.

> * * *
> Thursday, Jan 21 3:40 pm.
> Hey, im at the doctor, i left work early with a horrible sore throat,
> they are testing me for strep :( so tonite probably wont work, i dont
> wanna give u germs plus i feel miserable, i feel bad but hopefully we
> can reschedule!
>
> Thurs., Jan 21, 4:15 pm
> D:
> Well, I would take my chances ;)…but it’s probably best that you
> rest and get healthy again. We can get together once you’re feeling
> better
>
indicating way too much interest in the first sentence.

> M:
> Strep test was positive, trust me u dont want this! at least i got an
> antibiotic, what a fun birthday im gonna have :( lets try next week?
>
> D:
> That really sux. Nobody should be sick on their birtday. Yeah, let’s
> do it next week. I’ll check back w/you in a few to figure out details.
> Feel better, gorgeous
>
don’t call her gorgeous, that’s lame. also you could have been cuter
like “awww booooo illness is lame, yeah no worries we’ll figure out
something else” but again by this point you shoulda had a lot more
rapport

> * * *
> Jan 22, 12:08 pm
> D:
> I’m known for calling my friends on their birthdays and doing my best
> Elvis impression, but you’re already ill and I wouldn’t want to make
> your condition worse
>
> Jan 22, 2:03 pm
> M:
> Haha, thats funny, im in bed all drugged up on nyquil, thanks for the thought!
>
> Jan 22, 2:16 pm
> (***I suspect I fucked up somewhere in the following exchange***)
> D: My jokes tend to be funnier if the other person is on some
> mind-altering substance or another
>

you messed up way before this… sorry chief!

> Next message, sent at 2:20 pm
> Anyway…hopefully there’s something there to make the day a little
> less miserable…like a Golden Girls marathon on tv or something along
> those lines
>

> On Monday, January 25, I sent her the following text message:
> Hey, how are you feeling? Do you wanna try again this Thursday?

don’t go straight to asking her for a date. lame and goal oriented. re-establish rapport and make her laugh and smile instead
We are coming out with a program on Text Messaging VERY soon – it’s in “testing” right now and feedback has been awesome so far :) Hope you enjoyed this – now go make some girls smile!

January 30, 2010 | By Christian | Comments | Posted in Pickup Your Game

Q&A With Dan

January 29, 2010 | By Christian | Comments | Posted in Dating Done Right

WINGBABY!

January 20, 2010 | By Christian | Comments | Posted in Etc.

From One Night Stand to Life Long Love

January 7, 2010 | By Christian | Comments | Posted in Dating Done Right

Ask the Social Man : Ex Love

Today’s question comes from Erik on Facebook. He was working toward getting back together with an ex, when all of a sudden a wrench got thrown into his plans and asks what to do: