The bass beat in my ears as my heart pounded with fear and insecurity. She gazed into my eyes, unflinching, and pounded me with question after question, leaving me all the more clueless and speechless, nervous as to what would come next from her lush red lips. Inside, the burning passion for those juicy lips, her brazen gold skin, and almond green eyes amplified the frustration and anxiety which ravaged my thoughts as I opened my mouth to speak but froze up. She looked at me with a sinister grin and turned her attention to something else of more interest and value. I just stood there, thinking, “what should I say?” and “how can I grab her attention again?” but by this time, it was game over. She was already far gone, and I had once more become nothing but wall paper, isolated and alone at the side of that college bar, feeling that all too familiar emotion of being lost and confused. I was once again oozing with lower value hesitant to approach any more sets because those memories of that painful rejection haunted my weakening confidence. I looked at my boys I came to the bar with, and they were just chilling without any booty. I pretended like I was tired, said I was going back to the dorm to sleep early, and left once more alone, with no one waiting for me back home but a computer and high speed internet.
There are many reasons my blogs reek with failure, depression, and angst. There are many reasons why my game did not improve even after reading the e-book, “Conquer your Campus” and the vast library of seduction material. There are still many reasons why my life is not filled with beautiful women and I’m still not the coolest guy on campus. The first and biggest mistake of coming into the game is thinking that it’s a game. Scrubs memorize lines and canned-openers and routines, walk into a bar, get some numbers, act to demonstrate higher value, and maybe even kiss-close. As a scrub, I worked on some openers and routines to perfection and even got the digits and kiss close in bars or clubs, but despite all that, I could still not bring many beautiful women into my life, because in reality, I had no life…
That night at that bar, that particularly beautiful girl peered into my life through her fierce and unrelenting glare, and the friendly conversation turned into a cruel interrogation, in which I was absolutely disqualified. She saw me for the empty wallpaper that I was, and as soon as her spotlight went somewhere else, I withered away into nothingness. Pickup techniques can delay her from seeing that void you have in your life, and you may even become lucky enough to meet her again, maybe get a superficial hug and kiss from her later on, and if you’re particularly good at acting and getting her drunk, trick her into your artificial lair for a one night stand, only to wake up and find her staring at you awkwardly.
Many people turn to “Conquer your Campus” and to me with the wrong purpose of learning more college game techniques, but in essence, the message and central thesis around CYC is plain and simple, “Get a life.” It’s a harsh message, glossed over with many explanations about how to become a 20% alpha male in various social settings, but it all points to the brutal truth that in order to be the man, you need to get a life.
If you’re reading this and thinking, what can I do to get a life? Then you’re probably still a scrub. The problem with scrubs is, they look at their life and think that they have no life. If you’re expecting me to tell you that you should go to the gym, go out to parties, and find a hobby like dancing because that is cool and that is what girls like, then you are still thinking like a scrub. They let other people tell them that their life is not cool, or suffer from inferiority and automatically think that people will view their life as not cool. If there is a first step to becoming the social man on your campus is by acknowledging that your life is the coolest thing ever. All your experiences, all your emotions, all the people in your life define who you are, and it’s up to you to perceive those things as cool or not. This ruggedly individualistic attitude stems from a belief that cannot be faked, no matter how good one’s game- and this belief is self-respect.
I came into the game thinking it would get me girls, but instead it gave me something far more precious. After numerous attempts at demonstrating to be a man of higher value, I realized that men of higher value do not simply demonstrate it for the ladies- they live and breathe it. I had no pride in my life, which I perceived as a dull and embarrassing. I was ashamed of my foreign parents with their funny accents and stringently conservative views, of my dorky little brother who always tried to best me in everything, of the fact that I had grown up poor in a underprivileged neighborhood, of the fact that I had to receive geeky violin lessons and practice hard, while my friends played, of the fact that I was Asian, which automatically stereotyped me as a nerd, of the fact that my name was Johan, which put me under the same label of the weird European composers, and of fact that I did not have the picture perfect face, or the natural athleticism and popularity of those better than me. In my shame and ignorance, I did not see that it was my parent’s love and nurture that enabled me to grow tall and strong. I did not see that in reality, my brother idolized me, and no matter what I did, to him, I was the coolest on earth. I did not see that it was growing up in that tough neighborhood that enabled me to make do with what I had, even in the most frugal circumstances. I did not see that it was those violin lessons that taught me perseverance and character, and I still not only manifest those traits, but also use those vibrating and romantic strings to lull even the most beautiful of women. Ultimately, I did not see that the things I did not have helped me build what I did have with fire, and not flash, that after failing, I only grew stronger, and the more I suffered, the more motivated I became to succeed. As Kanye West puts it, “People talk shit, but when the shit hits the fan, everything I’m not made me everything I am.” The game gave me battle scars, as I struggled to achieve this level of self-respect and confidence. And each of those battle scars is living testament to my social proof of higher value. And I’m going to keep on doing what I love, because I know that whatever I do is of higher value.
I followed my friend to a college party back home. After being in NYC for so long, I missed the old keg parties, the games of beer pong and flip cup, the keg stands and free booze, the house parties, and the feeling of the college community. More importantly, I missed the drunk and crazy college girls gone wild. Now armed with confidence, CYC tactics, and additional pieces of information about girl psychology from Christian and Sparks, I was ready to hustle.
I went in with my friend, whose friend owned the house. Started running the room, gave love to everyone from the cutest of girls to the outlier guys (no homo), lost way too many games in beer pong, held a keg stand for way longer than I should have, and was just having a freaking good time. I was dominating, girls were sending me IOI’s, I was spitting straight out Nick Spark’s irresistible brand of humor with some tailor-made Christian Hudson push-pulls, and the sparks of attraction that I had initiated were putting the roof on fire; I was having a blast. Suddenly, these two cute half-Asian girls entered my kingdom, and I went over to welcome them to the party that was me. They were talking about Harry Potter (weird, girls still do talk about the lovable HP), and I automatically ran a frame on them pointing to one as Hermione (my trusty busty side kick), and the other as annoying Professor Umbridge (she was the target).
I gave some appreciation to them for being cool chicks by giving them a hug, and the rest of the room was looking at me as if I was a god. Since they were already playing into my frame, I casually told them, "Let's get out of here and get something to eat." I guess that would be my first mistake of that otherwise fun night: isolating with two girls by myself. I admit I got greedy.
As we started walking to the eat nearby, these girls started pounding me with questions, “Where you from?” and “Where did you grow up?” and “Which school you go to?” As I started to answer, I had to admit, I was getting bored with all these questions, and I started to answer superficially and submissively, stopped being the dominant and fun guy that I was back in that party. Then I started talking to this one girl intensively, and I realized that her friend was getting bored and uncomfortable.
Suddenly, the friend I wasn’t giving attention to pulls her friend away and said, “We know our way to bus stop from here.” I look at them confused, and followed them for a little longer, desperately trying to win back the set, until that weird girl goes, “Why are you following us, creep?” I was like wow- totally blown away. I tried to keep my composure, looked at her and said, “Stop trying to be cute.” I turned to her friend and said, “Nice meeting you,” and peaced out.
I had learned how to officially "spike buying temperature", but once I had them isolated, they realized they didn't know me and that's why they started those rapid-fire questions, to which I admit I did not handle well, and even got annoyed at. Then, I made the girl's friend uncomfortable by leaving her out of the conversation, and then even got defensive when they started asking me questions about my social life instead of controlling the frame and keeping the fun vibe going.
I have to admit, I was pissed off, but strangely, my confidence was undeterred. That shut down would definitely leave a scar in my pride, and that scar of pain and rejection would sting every time I approach hot girls as a reminder of potential. This scar, this failure, however, though painful at first, has only made me more determined to go out there, talk to more people, especially girls. This is my battle to attain that social life, which will be envy of men and god’s gift to all the beautiful women out there lucky enough to cross my path. And those initial and lingering battle scars of the past will remind of what I did wrong those countless nights when I was still a scrub, and help me from making the same mistakes. I had come to a point, after suffering failure and rejection time after time, and learning from those losses, where I am no longer hesitant or fearful to approach hot girls and welcome them into my good life.
“So TRY! They can’t steal your pride it’s inside, then find it and keep on grinding, cause in every dark could there’s a silver lining.
I know…”
-Lil Wayne
