Comments on: 80:20 - little things that matter http://www.thesocialman.com/8020-little-things-that-matter/ How To Be Confident Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:11:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Kurt http://www.thesocialman.com/8020-little-things-that-matter/#comment-1825 Kurt Tue, 24 Jan 2012 04:05:00 +0000 http://www.thesocialman.com/?p=1320#comment-1825 Thanks for these tips.    But I noticed that they seem to assume you're meeting women in a bar or club.      I'm thinking that the suggestion to touch the woman within 10 seconds is not at all right during the day, nor is rocking in and out, or even coming in at a 45 degree angle.   One rule I'd question is not giving explanations or apologies.    It sounds excessive, as if you're telling guys that if they spill your beer across the front of a woman's $1000 dress, they should neither explain nor apologize.    That seems like overcompensating behavior, not confident behavior. The problem is not with apologizing, but with the *way* guys apologize.     Coming from a background of social anxiety myself, I used to be overly apologetic.    I still am sometimes. So I came up with a rule to handle apologies:  "Apologize unapologetically."   A guy can say "Sorry I didn't explain that better," in a way that says, "Sorry I exist", or in a way that says, "I'm not remotely sorry I exist, but I am sorry that I didn't explain that better."   Imagine James Bond apologizing to a beautiful Russian agent this way:   "Sorry, I should have introduced myself.   The name is Bond.  James Bond."    If you imagine how Daniel Craig would deliver that line, you know what I mean by a non-apologetic apology. Thanks for these tips.    But I noticed that they seem to assume you're meeting women in a bar or club.      I'm thinking that the suggestion to touch the woman within 10 seconds is not at all right during the day, nor is rocking in and out, or even coming in at a 45 degree angle.  

One rule I'd question is not giving explanations or apologies.    It sounds excessive, as if you're telling guys that if they spill your beer across the front of a woman's $1000 dress, they should neither explain nor apologize.    That seems like overcompensating behavior, not confident behavior.

The problem is not with apologizing, but with the *way* guys apologize.     Coming from a background of social anxiety myself, I used to be overly apologetic.    I still am sometimes. So I came up with a rule to handle apologies:  "Apologize unapologetically."   A guy can say "Sorry I didn't explain that better," in a way that says, "Sorry I exist", or in a way that says, "I'm not remotely sorry I exist, but I am sorry that I didn't explain that better."   Imagine James Bond apologizing to a beautiful Russian agent this way:   "Sorry, I should have introduced myself.   The name is Bond.  James Bond."    If you imagine how Daniel Craig would deliver that line, you know what I mean by a non-apologetic apology.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.thesocialman.com/8020-little-things-that-matter/#comment-1773 Anonymous Sat, 07 Jan 2012 16:01:00 +0000 http://www.thesocialman.com/?p=1320#comment-1773 Your right, I have a bad habit of explaining and going into detail. pretty much killing any response from her. If you give her all the answers whats there to question.. Your right, I have a bad habit of explaining and going into detail. pretty much killing any response from her. If you give her all the answers whats there to question..

]]> By: Marky Mark http://www.thesocialman.com/8020-little-things-that-matter/#comment-1300 Marky Mark Sun, 04 Sep 2011 15:29:00 +0000 http://www.thesocialman.com/?p=1320#comment-1300 Thanks!  This is great to remember .... God you guys condense everything so perfectly i am loving the change your products help me get Thanks!  This is great to remember .... God you guys condense everything so perfectly i am loving the change your products help me get

]]> By: Estradafelix62 http://www.thesocialman.com/8020-little-things-that-matter/#comment-1253 Estradafelix62 Tue, 09 Aug 2011 14:57:00 +0000 http://www.thesocialman.com/?p=1320#comment-1253 Very good social observance thoughts. Very good social observance thoughts.

]]> By: 2Fast4Love http://www.thesocialman.com/8020-little-things-that-matter/#comment-504 2Fast4Love Sat, 25 Dec 2010 01:54:14 +0000 http://www.thesocialman.com/?p=1320#comment-504 YO, CHRISTIAN... Nice lil comment. <br>Here are three more things that matter big time on the approach:<br>1. State... Mojo... Nimbus... Wooo!... Whatever you may call it. You cant fake that one. Thing is when you have it, you're gonna do the small things in a right way anyway.<br>2. Assume familiarity, interest and attraction. Assume she's going to be positive on you, that you already know her, that she likes you. Its always on.<br>3. Calibrate on the envorinment. Of course its a different game when you are on the streets, in the club, in the bar, in the coffee shop, or in the university. Calibrate how much you act and how much you talk. How sexual you are and how laid back. Things like that<br>2Fast YO, CHRISTIAN... Nice lil comment.
Here are three more things that matter big time on the approach:
1. State... Mojo... Nimbus... Wooo!... Whatever you may call it. You cant fake that one. Thing is when you have it, you're gonna do the small things in a right way anyway.
2. Assume familiarity, interest and attraction. Assume she's going to be positive on you, that you already know her, that she likes you. Its always on.
3. Calibrate on the envorinment. Of course its a different game when you are on the streets, in the club, in the bar, in the coffee shop, or in the university. Calibrate how much you act and how much you talk. How sexual you are and how laid back. Things like that
2Fast

]]> By: 2Fast4Love http://www.thesocialman.com/8020-little-things-that-matter/#comment-1117 2Fast4Love Fri, 24 Dec 2010 20:54:00 +0000 http://www.thesocialman.com/?p=1320#comment-1117 YO, CHRISTIAN... Nice lil comment. Here are three more things that matter big time on the approach: 1. State... Mojo... Nimbus... Wooo!... Whatever you may call it. You cant fake that one. Thing is when you have it, you're gonna do the small things in a right way anyway. 2. Assume familiarity, interest and attraction. Assume she's going to be positive on you, that you already know her, that she likes you. Its always on. 3. Calibrate on the envorinment. Of course its a different game when you are on the streets, in the club, in the bar, in the coffee shop, or in the university. Calibrate how much you act and how much you talk. How sexual you are and how laid back. Things like that 2Fast YO, CHRISTIAN... Nice lil comment.
Here are three more things that matter big time on the approach:
1. State... Mojo... Nimbus... Wooo!... Whatever you may call it. You cant fake that one. Thing is when you have it, you're gonna do the small things in a right way anyway.
2. Assume familiarity, interest and attraction. Assume she's going to be positive on you, that you already know her, that she likes you. Its always on.
3. Calibrate on the envorinment. Of course its a different game when you are on the streets, in the club, in the bar, in the coffee shop, or in the university. Calibrate how much you act and how much you talk. How sexual you are and how laid back. Things like that
2Fast

]]> By: nass http://www.thesocialman.com/8020-little-things-that-matter/#comment-503 nass Sat, 06 Nov 2010 01:23:45 +0000 http://www.thesocialman.com/?p=1320#comment-503 i do like what you said and i agree . i am an avarige guy with fit body confident but i dont know how to speak or you can say not socail and my native is not english how to sort out my problem lol i do like what you said and i agree . i am an avarige guy with fit body confident but i dont know how to speak or you can say not socail and my native is not english how to sort out my problem lol

]]> By: nass http://www.thesocialman.com/8020-little-things-that-matter/#comment-1033 nass Fri, 05 Nov 2010 20:23:00 +0000 http://www.thesocialman.com/?p=1320#comment-1033 i do like what you said and i agree . i am an avarige guy with fit body confident but i dont know how to speak or you can say not socail and my native is not english how to sort out my problem lol i do like what you said and i agree . i am an avarige guy with fit body confident but i dont know how to speak or you can say not socail and my native is not english how to sort out my problem lol

]]> By: Ben Archer http://www.thesocialman.com/8020-little-things-that-matter/#comment-502 Ben Archer Fri, 13 Aug 2010 00:35:21 +0000 http://www.thesocialman.com/?p=1320#comment-502 These little things are probably the hardest things for me most of the time...it drives me nuts. (I have social phobia so it leads to extreme anxiety in situations like this...so much so I literally will "run" away from the situation lol). I'm on day 5 of learning Unbreakable, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to overcome this...(without having to spark up or pop a xanny beforehand). These little things are probably the hardest things for me most of the time...it drives me nuts. (I have social phobia so it leads to extreme anxiety in situations like this...so much so I literally will "run" away from the situation lol). I'm on day 5 of learning Unbreakable, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to overcome this...(without having to spark up or pop a xanny beforehand).

]]> By: Ben Archer http://www.thesocialman.com/8020-little-things-that-matter/#comment-995 Ben Archer Thu, 12 Aug 2010 19:35:00 +0000 http://www.thesocialman.com/?p=1320#comment-995 These little things are probably the hardest things for me most of the time...it drives me nuts. (I have social phobia so it leads to extreme anxiety in situations like this...so much so I literally will "run" away from the situation lol). I'm on day 5 of learning Unbreakable, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to overcome this...(without having to spark up or pop a xanny beforehand). These little things are probably the hardest things for me most of the time...it drives me nuts. (I have social phobia so it leads to extreme anxiety in situations like this...so much so I literally will "run" away from the situation lol). I'm on day 5 of learning Unbreakable, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to overcome this...(without having to spark up or pop a xanny beforehand).

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