Ugly, Absurd, and Waaaay Cool

February 28, 2009

This winter I picked up a few new pairs of shoes… some Jump Cosmics and some Elastic Royal Warhols.  I imagine that we’ll look back on these in the same way that I look back on the plaid pants that our parents wore in the late seventies.  But whatever… they’re what’s in now.  Google “Jump Shoes”, “Creative Recreation” or “Royal Elastics” and find a pair you like.

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Ask The Social Man: accepting compliments

February 27, 2009

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Ask The Social Man: hooking up with your dream girl’s friend

February 26, 2009

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Ask The Social Man: on being right

February 24, 2009

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Ask The Social Man: on being introverted

February 23, 2009

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The Social Man on CNN

February 20, 2009

With special thanks to our beautiful friends Ivy and Dawn, as well as our boys Wax, Ryan and Steve.  And of course,”M”.

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Genuine Interest

February 20, 2009

Without getting too detailed about my personal life, I can tell you that I’m dating a lot right now.   I was recently out with a woman for whom I had very low expectations; I’d met her very, very late at a trendy club and didn’t remember quite what she looked like, and our first phone call was boring.

She turned out to be gorgeous and fascinating.  And it took a LOT to get the fascinating part out of her.

In fact, one of her friends had told her not to share her academic credentials on a first date – “it intimidates men.”

But you should have seen her light up when we started talking about a very obscure branch of physics.  It was the best emotional connection of the whole conversation.

Genuine Interest has been a “people skill” principle since How to Win Friends and Influence People.  We all forget to practice it sometimes, especially when we fear rejection or are too self-minded.

Next time you go out, see if you can get a girl to light up by telling you something obscure but fascinating about her life.

And props to Nick for the reminder right before the date ;)

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Wise Words

February 17, 2009

Many years ago, I discovered a song called We Want Fun, by a guy named Andrew W.K. I quickly picked up his album, and with it on repeat during a run, was energized to go further than I’d ever gone before.  Like his music or hate it, the guy has an amazing outlook on life.  I can’t remember where I found this q&a online, but I thought you might enjoy it:

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My girlfriend says I should quit my band and get a job already—I’ve been living with her for almost year, and not paying rent, while she supports my musical ambitions. Should I ditch my dreams and face reality, or, should I just get a new girlfriend?

Never ditch your dreams; the idea of facing what you call ‘reality’ is a very unrealistic and potentially very damaging way to live. Crushing your interests, having to give up your passions, in favor of some more pared-down existence—[that’s] really the complete opposite of what life should be about. I think really what life should be about for all of us is focusing on our dreams, focusing on what we enjoy, and removing all obstacles or areas of our life that tell us to not do the things that we enjoy.

And usually, from my experience, when I’ve looked at the obstacles or people, circumstances, different places or things that have tried to keep me from doing what I really love doing, it was always clear that that person, place or thing had a lot of these same issues, and had themselves stifled their own creative impulses, their own dreams and desires, their own visions of possibility for themselves in the future. And when people have already crushed their own dreams, it makes a lot of sense that they would want to do that to the people around them, to help reinforce their own decision that they’ve made and to sort of even the playing field. But if they’re seeing someone—someone who’s given up on their dreams—sees someone pursuing their dreams very passionately, it can be very painful to them, because it can remind them of what they’ve given up, the choices they’ve made, and it will remind them of the pain that they’ve been experiencing every day living in a state of denial, thinking that they’re living in what they would call the real world or being responsible or all this, but they’ve in fact, in my opinion, behaved very irresponsibly, and have shut themselves off to the most healthy and vibrant aspects of their life, and their being. If you really love this girl, then I think you can lead by example, and show her why pursuing your interests is the only way to live, and hopefully you can encourage her to pursue her interests, maybe things she’s given up on, or felt were unrealistic.

But I really urge you most of all to understand that there is no “real world,” there is no “reality,” there is no one way to do things versus another way. There’s an infinite number of ways to do anything, and it’s up to you to listen to that very subtle yet very clear instinct that resides deep within your soul that really makes you who you are.

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Audio Mailbag: Making Mistakes

February 17, 2009

Nick is stepping in for me this week, just too much going on right now…

Hey Christian, I have been reading your e-mails/newsletters/free helpful advice, and I have been surprisingly pleased with the many day-to-day hints you have provided.
There have been moments of outward delight at the oft-overlooked areas of game and generally self-improvement you address.
I am writing this letter however, to ask about a common and, in my experienced, unaddressed social interaction: the mistake.
Everyone makes them, some more than others, and i’m wondering what your advice would be to recover from either things you’ve said, or done, that cause embarrassment or momentary loss of connection.
Thanks for all the advice, and keep doing what you do!

Thanks for the kind words and the great question!  Here is the answer:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

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New DJ Set For You to Download

February 17, 2009

Hey.  Here’s another DJ set for you, mostly downtempo hip hop and the like, from a recent event.  Great for a chill get-together, background during busy-work, or anything where the music is there to set a fun but relaxed vibe. A little more energy thrown in mid-set.

The songs: lots of Kid Cudi and Gorillaz, some Kanye, Will.I.Am and Roots, and even Cam’ron and the Smashing Pumpkins made brief appearances.  Two or three fun mashups.  A few transitions could have gone more smoothly, and I’d have flipped a few of the songs up in first half were I to do it again.  All in all, though, not a bad eighty minutes of music.  Mixing was through a VCI-300 and Serato Itch.

Click here to go to drop.io and download it (opens in new window)

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