How to Be Fascinating

December 29, 2008

Here’s a quick and easy way to make yourself a LOT more interesting and relatable.

When you’re talking about your job, a hobby, an interest, etc… pick a factoid – like one of the things you’d find on the underside of a Snapple bottle cap – about that activity, and teach it.

For example, I like to race cars.  There are a million little things I can teach about it, but one of the facts which is easiest to relate is about tires.  My conversation might go something like this:

“So this is kind of interesting… racing tires rarely squeal, so you don’t know when you’re about to spin if you’re pushing them hard.  Have you ever been driving and had your tires squeal (wait for answer – if you’re flirting, you can say something like “of course you have, you’re a woman, and ALL women are bad drivers.”  this should obviously be used with discretion and based on how well you’re getting along with her).  Of course – so there’s an interesting reason for that.  Rubber doesn’t ALWAYS squeal – its just that commercial tires are engineered that way so that drivers know when they’re getting themselves into trouble.  They build the squeal into the tires…”

From there, you could jump back into talking about the hobby, about her experiences driving, etc.  And most importantly, get her to teach you something about her life.  People love to be experts.

You can do this about anything.  When I had my software company, I used to teach people about how encryption worked.  I have a friend who does this regarding his zoology major.  If you feel so compelled, use the comments here to leave a teachable fact about your life – I’ll get back to you and give you my thoughts if you ask for them, and I’m sure the other readers would love to learn from you.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Pickup Your Game | Comments 

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The Social Matrix

December 27, 2008

Anyone who has ever found themselves in love will understand that it is largely an unconscious process. In other words, we don’t choose who we are attracted to – it just “happens,” without any logical reasoning.

But let’s step back and consider what it is when two humans – Joe and Mary – interact with each other. There is a nonstop exchange of information, in the forms of:
• Their physical appearances
• The content of their words
• The emotions and “vibe” behind those words
• The non-verbals, such as body language and eye contact

There is something about the way Joe is wired that uniquely enjoys Mary’s curves. And Mary gets turned on by Joe’s vocal tonality. In each others’ eyes, they sense excitement and a potential for something more. And as they continue to interact, there is a feedback loop. Joe makes Mary laugh, and she touches him gently on the arm in return. Their physical proximity begins to increase, helplessly, and soon they find it impossible to resist a kiss.

On a sort of metaphysical level, what is happening here?

Joe and Mary are exchanging many forms. The form of Joe’s vocal tonality is different than that of his friend Mike’s, and the form of Mary’s laugh is different than that of her friend Tracy’s.

Consider it in this context – supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio and talk show host Rosie O’Donnell are two different representations of the form “woman.” For reasons we won’t get into here, most men find Ms. Ambrosio far more attractive than Ms. O’Donnell, and would prefer to look at her, talk with her, etc.

Ultimately, human interactions can be reduced to the exchange of forms: a nonstop process of expressing, receiving feedback, and interpreting that feedback.

We enjoy this feedback loop when the forms are to our liking, and certain forms are generally more compelling and attractive than others. A slender yet curvy female physique is typically preferred by men, while a deep and smooth vocal tone, for example, is typically preferred by women.

Interestingly, much of this processing happens subconsciously. In his book Social Intelligence, Psychologist Daniel Goleman writes of emotional contagion; for example, how an unshakably happy person can “infect” an unhappy person merely by the strength of their emotion. In this way, even the emotions exchanged in an interaction have a particular form.

THE ROOT OF ATTRACTION
Each form has a value. This value represents the quality of experience we have with that form. We’ll place a higher value on forms which make us feel better and which help us more.

To put this in very clear terms, consider the classic 1-10 ranking system for female looks. Most men would rank Ms. Ambrosio a 9 or a 10, while Ms. O’Donnell would fall far lower on the scale. While we aren’t running around talking about the “value of Alessandra Ambrosio’s form relative to Rosie O’Donnell’s,” we have nonetheless created a ranking system for gauging that value and expressing it amongst ourselves.

Consider, though, that there are probably a few men out there who would prefer Ms. O’Donnell’s looks. Admittedly, this number is probably low – but as my father likes to say, there’s no accounting for taste.

In metaphysical terms, what’s going on here? Well, each and every human has a unique value system which accounts for their unique preferences. In this definition, you can consider your value system to be something which extends beyond your political leanings and cultural preferences – think of it as a filter, of sorts, that processes all of the information you receive, and assigns a value to it.

The smell of fresh-baked bread has a certain value to you.

The experience of playing a video game has a certain value to you.

The interaction you have with a member of the opposite sex has a certain value to you.

These values are a combination of nature and nurture – our biological programming, and our social conditioning. They account for personal preferences between such things as blondes vs. brunettes and Jay-Z vs. Nas.

What does this all come down to? Well, the root of attraction is thus: when a form has a value which is a match for your value system, attraction happens. Think of it as a key fitting into a keyhole. The key is the form, its unique shape is its value, and the shape of the keyhole is the value system.

Never are we more attuned to a person’s value than within the first thirty seconds of meeting them. We pay close attention to their sub-communications to make determinations about their value, relative to ours. Attraction can happen instantly between two people when they quickly have a value match.

Values can be compromised by alcohol, and other environmental and situational factors.

Some men may prefer tall women. Some men may prefer smart women. Some men may prefer red-haired Eskimo women with Ph.D.’s in Molecular Biology. Our preferences for the “right” combination of forms are never made more aware to us than when we are in love, and owing to the uniqueness of the experience of all of these forms at one time, love is always a pleasure, and true love is always rare.

But what we may love one year may be different than that which we love five years later. As we grow, our value systems change relative to what they were when we were first in love with a person. If our partners’ do not evolve in some tandem, we may fall out of love, grow bored, or lose interest.

Critically, we each have a conception of our own value. Witness the woman who only dates rich men, or the man who never sees himself as being able to date tall women. Every person has a conception of the world, or a frame of reality, that assigns different values to different people, places and things. So while the man may never see himself as being able to date a tall woman, he may be utterly indifferent if that is not something that he values.

THE SOCIAL MATRIX: VALUE EXCHANGE IN PRACTICE
As part of our day to day awareness, we are constantly making unconscious calculations about the value of the people, places and things in our lives. We are attracted to things of equal or higher value, and we lose attraction for things with lower value.

Critically, we are rarely reactive to things with lower value than our self-perception, but we can become very reactive to things with perceived higher value. Crushes and obsessions typically form when one individual ascribes a level of value to the other in a way which is not reciprocated. In other words, the interaction, as experienced by both parties, is qualitatively different – better for the crusher than for the crushee. Obsessions – whether felt positively or negatively – are typically the result of tremendously over-valuing the other party.

While there is no fixed “higher” value, we are greatly influenced by cultural and social standards. Luxury and aspirational brands draw their economic premium from the standard of higher value which has been created as part of their inherent quality, their marketing and of how well cool-makers have adopted them.

Our value systems are mostly unconscious; even with a track record of having dated five brunettes in a row, a blonde may come along and knock our socks off.

Our value systems are complex; we may find a girl who matches what should be our exact criteria, with the exception of her man hands, and find ourselves unable to become aroused by her.

Our value systems are subject to change. The girl we lusted over in the city of 10,000 residents may no longer be as compelling after moving to the big city and experiencing more beautiful, cultured, and intelligent women.

We have a term called falling into a person’s frame, which means that we essentially accept someone else’s value system, or frame of reality, as being more compelling than our own. A particularly charismatic singer of a small-time rock band may lead an impressionable and innocent young woman to dye her hair, cover herself in tattoos, and start doing drugs – he has presented a more interesting frame of reality than hers.

Most humans have a long-term social strategy of building value, and aligning themselves with people of high value. In her teens and early twenties, a young woman may seek connections with ‘cool’ guys and promoters. As she grows, her definition of high value may change to a man with a good job and career prospects.

It should follow on from all of this reasoning, then, that beautiful women are generally perceived as high value for their appearance alone. There is perhaps no greater example of this than in New York, Los Angeles, and Miami, where exceptionally beautiful women are essentially paid to attend clubs and parties. Their high physical value brings other value in the form of wealthy men. Thus we see another rule of attraction: value attracts value.

Whether this is all valuable to you, of course, depends on whether those things are important to your value system.

A person who has experienced a recent value spike – in the form of a promotion, a new car, or a surge of confidence from something that is hidden even from his consciousness – will find himself attracting more people. He will carry himself with a new swagger, represented primarily through his subcommunications, that engenders intrigue and excitement in others.

Conversely, a person who has experienced a recent value drop – the loss of a boyfriend, for example – may have several instinctive responses. She may become insecure about her other alignments, and grasp onto them more tightly. Alternately, she may continue to make assertions of how popular or desired she is, reasserting her value to herself and anyone who will listen.

Interesting things happen when a social group is created. A social group typically has a leader, who sets the values of the group. That leader may consciously or subconsciously have criteria for intelligence, physical appearance and social grace, and will cultivate relationships with those who add value to the environment which he or she is trying to create or experience.

In social sciences, the term “add value” has recently taken hold as a catch-all phrase for being socially savvy. It is critical to understand that this concept is relative amongst individuals, and to a certain extent, a function of the environment. A truly socially intelligent individual will calibrate to the norms of the people around them and contribute to that group in a way which may be different than how he or she would contribute to another group.

People accept as a leader the person who is most sure of his or her values – or frame of reality – and who can create the most compelling reality for them to experience. The grade schooler with older sisters is exposed to more unique music and other cultural elements to which the other kids are not, and thus, may set the “coolness” value for the group.

In the broader social context of “mass society,” the cool-makers are the individuals who create art, music, other expressive media, or even catch-phrases that are quickly enjoyed and adopted by others. History will decide whether Kanye West is seen as the voice of this generation, of this decade (his words), but he certainly creates “coolness” in his music and his style. With his constant references to Louis Vuitton and Gucci, he also creates a virtuous value cycle for himself and for other high-value brands.

Being cool and on the inside of a trend, then, means close access to cool-makers or their creations. Many social leaders have the greatest access or ability to create new or interesting forms of value that have the potential to achieve mass appeal – whether that be a new hip-hop single, a new club or restaurant opening, or a new interpretation of God’s word.

Critically, the flip-side of value is accessibility. If we believe that the value we seek is something we deserve, we feel secure in accessing it. However, if we doubt our ability to attract and hold that form of value, insecurity and defensiveness may hold us back from accessing it.

Interestingly, it is this sense of deservedness, or permission, which creates confidence. When women say that they are looking for a confident man who is just being himself, what they mean is that they want a man who is utterly comfortable with his own value. This man’s verbal and non-verbal communications will paint a picture that a fairly intuitive woman will understand.  It is part of a person’s journey to find their own permission factors – those things they’ve achieved and created which will give them confidence in their own
value.  The higher a person’s standards, typically, the higher his or her permission factors.

Becoming confidently self-aware is a matter of understanding one’s own permission factors and cultivating them; this is what many people refer to as discovering their purpose, or mission in life.  It may involve the development of skills – in this realm, social skills – that allow a person to be socially calibrated and effective.

But what of the young man who was confident from day 1?  The person who never thought these things through?  Typically, they clued into the right forms of social expressiveness without much introspection;
in other words, they just “get it.”

Others may have experienced challenges in childhood or teenage years which lead them to act confidently later in life.  We refer to this not as the genuine confidence of self-awareness and skill, but as blind confidence of insecurity.  In this case, the person’s permission factor may best be summarized as “screw everyone else, I’m doing what I want.”  These people may eventually develop a level of self-awareness and genuine confidence, or they may one day experience a value shock when they lose something, the value of which was not apparent until it disappeared.  These people are smacked in the face with their value systems, and their entire frame of reality is challenged.

Another form of insecurity often rears its head when we feel out of place relative to the value of our environment. We may be intellectually, physically or socially outclassed, and rather than acknowledge the value disparity and either remove ourselves from the group, or accept a subordinate position, we may attempt to attack the environment’s value itself, or that of the people in it. Usually, we merely wish to fit in, but unable to do that, we become defensive or contemptuous.

Two classic examples of this are the girl who tells herself “I wouldn’t want to be a part of that scene anyway” or the man who reflexively refers to the woman who just rejected him as a “dumb bitch”.

In extreme cases, we may want so intensely to access that environment’s value that we plot, spread rumors, and make secretive alliances. Rather than add value to a the group or environment, we drag the whole group’s value down to our level.

This also happens in relationships between two people; a man may put on a good show for a woman in the first few weeks of dating, only to be wrought with insecurities which later plague the relationship. These may be expressed in the form of abuse, lack of support for her goals, friends and social outlets, or indifference – all low value forms which are meant to make the man feel more comfortable and secure.

All of these examples are meant to illustrate the social matrix – the nonstop exchange that occurs between an individual and another individual, or an individual and a group.

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The ideas presented here are the result of much thought and research.  Influences include Robert Pirsig, David Tian, Owen Cook, David DeAngelo, and Philip Zimbardo.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Women And The World | Comments 

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Audio Mailbag: Text Follow Up

December 23, 2008

Today’s question comes from Ben, who is having difficulties securing dates over text messaging.  FYI, I’m not always able to address specific situations on these, as sometimes there’s a week or two turnaround.  But hey, if you’re finding yourself stuck, send me a facebook message or an email and I’ll get to the question soon!

1. We met at a club, just started chatting with her and her friend, her friend was occupied by another guy who I didn’t know but basically played wingman for me by separating the girls. We danced and took pictures with her camera, I got her number/myspace info walked her to her friends car. Sent her a text told her I wanted to take her out, she said she had a bf so I said no problem, lets just hang out as friends. Texted her a few times after that, sometimes responds sometimes doesn’t.

2. Also met at a club, only talked for about 5-10 minutes. Used the ‘is this your real hair color’ opener, took pictures, found out we live in the same city and both were at a rave for Halloween. Got her number. Told her I was going to one for new years eve. Called next day left msg, she texted me, went back and forth about this concert she had tix for but didn’t want to go to. Sent her a txt today about happy hour if she wanted to come along, said she already had dinner plans, maybe next time. How to proceed?

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Posted by Christian | Filed Under Dating Done Right | Comments 

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Attraction Isn’t Static

December 22, 2008

One of the common things you hear guys say is that “I can get attraction, but…” or “I can’t get attraction.”

If you’re speaking like this, you’ve probably read some of the Mystery Method stuff where there are three “phases” to a conversation – attraction, comfort and seduction.

But what people usually mean to say when they talk like this is “I can get a girl into me” or “I can’t get a girl into me.”

Here’s the thing – attraction isn’t static.  You don’t get it then always have it.  This seems obvious when you think about it, but its not how a lot of guys think about it.

If you get a girl into you in the first three minutes – enough so that she’ll continue to talk to you – then that’s great.  But if you introduce her to your friends and they are all making fun of you, hitting on her, and you’re not doing anything about it, she’s going to lose interest mighty fast.

Don’t mistake “opening a conversation successfully and generating interest” for attraction.  The latter can come and go in the blink of an eye.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Pickup Your Game | Comments 

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Female Psychology, as Reported by a Female

December 19, 2008

Today we have a guest post from a good female friend of mine, who goes by the name Model Behavior.  I love her writing and have learned a lot from her, and I highly suggest that you start reading her website at www.SelfAbsorbed.me, a site where several smart females write about dating and relationships.  And please share your thoughts here – I’m hopeful that she’ll contribute every now and then in the future.

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I’ll admit that women are crazy.

We are.

But not all of our nuttiness is undecipherable. In fact, I firmly believe any guy can give a woman that ‘swept off her feet’ feeling by following a myriad of relatively simple guidelines. When Christian asked me to shed some light on the female psychology and detail how a woman ends up making out in the coat closet with one guy while not giving the time of day to another, I thought I’d focus on seduction Dos, not Don’ts.

Here we go:

Eye Contact. We’ve all heard it a thousand times before, but I have to repeat. Eye contact is everything. It makes you appear confident, builds sexual tension, and actually makes a woman feel like you care about her. And it’s the best trick in the book since it’s so easy to do. All it takes is practice.

Challenge: Every time you have a conversation with someone, woman, friend or coworker, quiz yourself afterwards about what color their eyes were. “Brown” and “blue” don’t cut it. You should be reporting back stuff like “green with yellow specs” or “ice blue with large pupils.”

Initially, this might be challenging since you have to listen to them and do color documentation at the same time. You’ll adjust quickly. Even if you miss everything the person said, if you’re studying their eyes that carefully, they’ll have NO idea you were tuned out.

Put Yourself in Context. Women are animals too. If the sexual connection is there, we probably want to rip your clothes off just as badly as you want to strip off ours. We just need you to make it okay for us to do so by assuring us you’re not a psycho, a rapist, or a male version of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

Why do you think we ask you:

Where you grew up?

Went to school?

And where you work?

It’s not because we’re gold digging bitches (at least not most of us). We’re just trying to gauge if you’re SAFE. There are lawyers who are also ax-murders so this is not a proven method, but trying to figure out where someone fits in the universe doesn’t hurt either. If you volunteer this kind of information, we’ll like you that much more, that much more quickly.

Slip it as early as possible where you went to college, what job you have, and if you have a dog (we all think men with dogs = men ready for commitment). Provide the conversational infrastructure so we can figure out if we have friends in common. If we do, you’re pretty much stamped, sealed, and approve as ‘non-life threatening.’

House Parties Are Your Friend. On a similar note to above, let me disclose that I’m far more open to meeting men at a friend’s house than at a club. A guy approaching me at a bar could be anyone, literally. A man approaching me at a friend’s home or apartment is clearly a friend-of-a-friend. By being inside the four walls of a person I know’s apartment, the chances you’re a sketchy predator are slim.

No Whining. Women love talking about their problems. It’s therapeutic. It’s how we feel connected with others. This doesn’t mean we want you to reciprocate.

Accuse me of having a caveman mentality, but I like men because they are masculine –i.e. chock full of testosterone and different from me. I don’t like men because they’re effeminate whiners who complain about their problem and hand mix their own hair products.

Be Masculine. Vague right? Well let me break it down into doable points:

- Command our attention and command the room. Sustain eye contact. Know how to talk to the bartender with authority and kindness – as if he was your little brother’s best friend.

- Help us into our coat, pull out chairs, open car doors. Once you know what we want to eat or drink, order for us. On the sidewalk, make sure you’re walking closest to the curb. Be strong yet polite to anyone’s path we cross. This stuff is so easy!

- Think ahead. On a fist date, my guy was closing our bar tab while the hostess took me to our table. I asked her to direct him to our table as well, and she responded ‘Oh he knows where it is. He requested this table especially. It’s the best in the house.’ Shallow, but the fact that he’d taken the time to do this was a huge turn on. This dinner was so well-thought (and consequently sexy) that it took five more dates with the guy before I realized he was an utter douchebag. And that’s not the point. The point is that the ‘wow factor’ of a simple move like this was so powerful.

Being a Good Dancer Never Hurt. Anecdote number two: I’m at a party and this short, moderately attractive guy with a great sense of style, great eye contact, and killer dance moves stole my heart. He was like an immigrant from Bulgaria working as a hair stylist or something, but carried himself like he was a Serbian prince. His confidence and charisma set this magical mood that was okay to have fun and okay to feel attracted to him. Dancing in public as a man requires serious confidence, serious dance lessons or both. Not many men are good dancers so me and every other vagina in the room was vying for a spin on the dance floor with him, finally enacting the Sleeping Beauty / Cinderella-esque dancy fantasy we’ve had since infancy. Use the fact that most men are horrible dancers to your advantage and let yourself stand out.

My last two humble pieces of advice are contradictory, depending on your intentions.

If you want to fling:

Give Yourself Permission to Sexual. I’m at a loss of words of how precisely to describe this, all I know is that it involves extreme eye contact, confidence, and subtle, non-skeezy touching. Set up a romantic mood right out front and don’t let her get out if it. The best example I can give: A guy who went in for a kiss which I denied him. He confronted me immediately with: “I want to kiss you.” Nervous and surprised at his bluntness, I told him I didn’t make out with people in public.

“I totally understand,” he said, “Meet me in the bathroom.” He turned and left, not waiting for my response.

Did I show up?

Yes.

If you want more than a fling:

Play the Friend. Christian once told me he assumes all women are friends until proven otherwise. He knows his stuff. If you do all of the above without getting too touchey-feely or pushing for a kiss, we’ll start to get obsessed. It’s like, “I think this guy likes me. He acts like he likes me. But he’s not making the first move! What’s WRONG?!” It’ll infuriate us in a great way. We’ll wonder if we’re not attractive enough, flirting back harder. It’ll make us want you even more. We’ll be desperate for you to touch us instead of worried that you’re trying to get in our pants. Tease us out as long as possible. It’ll be worth the wait.

All women are different, but most likely, we want the same things you do: to feel appreciated and safe with someone who makes our life happier and simpler. For more girl talk, relationships rants and fun dating quips, be sure to check out my comedy site www.SelfAbsorbed.me

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Women And The World | Comments 

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The “Gotcha” Mindset

December 17, 2008

Over the years that I’ve been teaching this stuff, I’ve noticed trends in thinking and behavior that come up again and again in clients.  Certainly, each client is an individual and has unique strengths and weaknesses, but the things that make some successful and hold others back are always of interest to me.

One of the most strikingly bad habits of thinking that I see in clients is what I call the “gotcha” mindset.  Now don’t get me wrong – this is not exclusive to guys in the community.  It does, however, seem to be more endemic to community guys, and is a big contributor to the “creepy” factor.

The thought loop goes something like this:

1.) This person is probably going to hurt me – either they are too high value and I can’t access it comfortably, or they are sneaky and will do something bad to me when the time is right

2.) I’m going to look for an opportunity to catch them doing something so I can call them out on it

3.) Furthermore, I’m going to try to get them back.  We’ll show them what’s what.

You can see the root very clearly: defensiveness.  If we believe that someone is going to hurt us, our guard pops up, and depending on how we read the other person, we might actually go on the attack.  Let’s illustrate with a few examples.

I was at a few holiday parties last night, and am always happy to tell people about what I do and The Social Man (because I believe in it and I know we’re genuinely helping guys).  But every now and then, I meet someone who immediately equates this to The Game or The Pickup Artist, and such was the case with a woman who we’ll call Jane.  As I would learn, she was in her mid-thirties, divorced, and had been hurt by quite a few men she’d dated.  She quickly closed herself off to conversation with me, and at two separate points in the evening, she interrupted conversations I was having with other girls to tell them to watch out for my “social man moves.”

She had clearly thought that she’d gotten me – seen through me and upended me at my game.  Nevermind that I wasn’t “gaming” these girls.  Her lack of intellectual curiousity about who I am and what I teach was enough to tell me that she was a generally defensive person.

In this case, this woman’s defensiveness was directed against one person – me – and compelled her to get, well creepy.  Even the girls I was supposedly using my “moves” on apologized for this woman’s behavior.  Now let’s move on and look at how this thought loop might play itself out on a broader scale.

We’ll start with a comment from our SREM video yesterday which read “wahahah love how nick’s constantly teasing her pu**y”.  I edited out the last part because frankly, its not something I want on this website.

In this “secret society” world of seduction, there is a message which is understood but rarely spoken – “women have the power, and we need to work in concert to take it back.”  It is a defensiveness, not just to a single person, but to a whole sex.

So there are general rounds of applause and accolades when they see a guy “seduce” a woman, or even spike her buying temperature with flirting.  And on one hand, its very cool to see a guy with good social skills who is able to make women laugh.  But the moment that the thought loop of “he got her” starts running, it cheapens the whole experience.

This is NOT how to love and respect women. While an awareness of the games they play is important, entering an interaction with anything resembling the “gotcha” mindset is not emotionally healthy.

And perhaps more importantly, entering any interaction with the assumption that someone else is higher value than you is a weak, weak frame.  In my mind, the only people at a venue with immediately higher value than me are the doorman, the hosts, and the owners, because they can decide whether or not I’m allowed to be there.  Everyone else is just a potentially cool person waiting to be met and discovered, and I’m a fun, fascinating guy who is always going to bring something great to the experience.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Crank Your Confidence | Comments 

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Audio Mailbag: Getting the Date

December 16, 2008

Today’s question comes from our friend ~N, who asks a question about a situation that we’ve all had to deal with.

What do you do when you ask a girl to hang out spontaneously, i.e.:

“Hey, let’s go grab dinner later today…” or “Hey, wanna watch a movie at my place in 2 hrs?”

And the girl responds with a non-commital, “maybe…” or “perhaps, I’m a little tired so I’ll see how I feel in two hours.” I feel like I’m putting my life on hold for her in a way if I say “OK, let me know in two hours how you feel,” and then two hours later she decides she’s ‘too tired to hang out’. I haven’t met enough girls here in Boston where I can just replace her with another girl who is ‘certain’, although I’m half tempted in frustrating situations like these to just tell her “actually, if you don’t know for certain we can just do it another time…” and then insinuate that I found someone else to make ‘plans’ with. sounds pushy (and in my situation is disingenuine) but seems to be a better alternative than putting my time on hold for her.

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Posted by Christian | Filed Under Dating Done Right | Comments 

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Sparks Rapid Escalation Method

December 15, 2008

By (very) popular request, here it is:

The S-REM is a complete breakdown of all of the non-verbals that go into creating sexual tension between you and a woman who are attracted to each other so that your interactions will not fall flat but instead will be taken to the next level.

 

Posted by Nick Sparks | Filed Under Pickup Your Game | Comments 

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Holiday Gift For Ya

December 14, 2008

About two weeks ago, I started playing with some DJ’ing software called Traktor, and a Behringer BCD3000 controller lent to me by my friend Charlie.  This past weekend, Charlie and I hit the decks at our Holiday party, and had a BLAST doing it.  I even managed to sync my guitar hero controller to the Mac, and use the buttons on it to hit various cue points, which is hugely geeky.  But it is also pretty dope when you step out from behind the booth and can still control the set ;)

So, rather than release some new dating or social skills advice podcast as a holiday “gift”, I thought I’d share the live mix of my set.  There’s something in here for everyone, and if you play this at YOUR holiday party, it will almost certainly get the girls dancing.

Scratching on the behringer is almost impossible, so one or two of the transitions here are kind of abrupt, but I think you’re going to like it.

Download it by clicking here, and should you want iTunes album artwork, go ahead and click on the image for a 500×500 jpg.

Full Song List:
Twist & Shout – The Beatles
Live Your Life – T.I. feat. Rihanna
The Good Life – Kanye West feat. T-Pain
Free Fallin’ – Tom Petty
Guantanamera – Wyclef Jean
Laura – Scissor Sisters
Da Funk (Daft Punk) + This Love (Maroon 5) Mashup
Low (flo rida) + I Think I’m In Love (Deep Dish) Mashup
I Got A Woman – Ray Charles
Gold Digger – Kanye West feat. Jaime Foxx
What I Got – Sublime
Heartless – Kanye West
King Without A Crown – Matisyahu
Snow (Hey Oh) – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Mr. Brightside – The Killers
Whatever You Like – T.I.
Champagne Supernova – Oasis
Paper Planes (D.F.A. Remix) + Paper Planes (MIA)
Bye Bye Bye – *Nsync
Umbrella – Rihanna (feat. Jay-Z)
Time to Pretend – MGMT
Intergalactic – Beastie Boys
MMMbop – Hanson
She Drives Me Crazy (FYC) + 99 Problems (Jay-Z) Mashup
Jack & Diane (John Mellencamp) + Stronger (Kanye West)
Day N’ Night (Crookers Remix) – Kid Cudi
Human – The Killers
Love Generation – Bob Sinclar
Sweet Child O’ Mine – Guns N’ Roses
Sweet Child O’ Mine (Mylo Remix) – Flatpack
Rise Up – Yves Larock
Say Hello (Paul Van Dyk Remix) – Deep Dish

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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Being a Good Party Host

December 14, 2008

Where to start? Well, let’s make this one a “quick tip”.

When you introduce your guests to each other, tell them something interesting about each other, or how you relate to them. Here are a few examples.

The Common Interest Intro: “So I want you to meet John.  He’s just started a new information aggregation site that also has a cool futures market built into it.  John, Adam here used to be an FX trader – he might have something good to say about it.”

The “Trouble” Intro: “Oh hey, this is Mike.  He’s an old friend from college – we used to get into a lot of trouble together.”

The Over the Top Compliment Intro: “Hey, have you met Julie yet?  She’s one of my bffs.  Wait, am I allowed to have more than one?  Well it doesn’t matter, she’s like number 1 now.”

The Self-Deprecating Intro: “Hey Dawn, do you know Dave?  He’s like my brother, and I mean, I got the looks, but he absolutely got the brains.”

I’m sure there are a million others – hopefully these give you a basic idea.

Most of the time, introductions at parties take the form of “so how do you know the host?”  You can make things MUCH easier for your guests if you provide just a little bit of momentum to get them going.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

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