Interview with Client ‘Hash’

August 26, 2008

Bootcamp client Hash joins us to discuss his bootcamp experience, and some of the things he learned while working with us.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Right-Click here Download the Audio

Ready to experience breakthrough success on your own bootcamp?  We feature the best instructors in the industry, with prices that are way lower than industry standard.  Click here to read up on our Spark of Attraction Bootcamp.

Posted by TSM | Filed Under Etc. | Comments 

Name: Email:

Welcome to the Good Life

August 25, 2008

Watch this Kanye video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=su_zrW9WBVk

Let’s discuss:

Watch his enthusiasm.

This song is a celebration of life – and gives you an insight into why this guy has literally taken over all of pop culture.

In a word, kanye is fresh.

He’s confident.
He’s got attitude.
He gets shit done.
He reaps the rewards.

Do you think these are attractive traits?

YES

Do you think these are things you should be taking note of incorporating into your life?

YES

More important than all of those though…

KANYE OWNS IT.

You see, it’s all about absolutely OWNING whatever it is that you are. OWNING your wants. OWNING your desires. OWNING your style. OWNING your life.

Too many guys pussy foot around and act ashamed of what they’ve got going on.

Guys with genuinely cool shit to share. Guys who are seriously cool.

Yet they roll their shoulders forward, put their heads down and let the world own them.

Who determines how cool you are?

YOU

Kanye decided long ago that he was the coolest guy on the planet.

And he owns this.

He doesn’t ask anyone else.

He just KNOWS it and projects it out to the world.

Notice that he isn’t an asshole about it.

He just celebrates it.

He gives off massive love.

He invites you into his life “welcome to the good life…”

And its infectious, everyone wants a piece of it.

And if you want to get good with women this is what its all about.

Not pretending to be a pick up artist…

But actually, genuinely, OWNING yourself.

Repping who YOU are to the fullest.

Going for what you want every day.

And not letting other people dictate to you what you should or shouldn’t be doing.

Walking with that extra bounce in your step.

That smirk on your face.

That slightly over-confident tone that the girls can pick up in your voice.

That’s what its all about.

When you truly OWN who you are – good shit  just keeps happening.

You truly do live the good life.

And the haters?

Well..as kanye says…they can “watch the money pile up”.

So listen….

Go out there and make shit happen.

Turn ordinary nights where “nothing is going on” into nights to remember.

Decide what you want and get it.

Decide that you are just a total baller – internalize it 100% and go from there.

Celebrate your life.

Because if you don’t – no one else will.

But when you do…everyone else joins in.

And I promise you…

You’ll live the good life.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Live The Good Life | Comments 

Name: Email:

Talks with Cute Girls: Rachel

August 20, 2008

This week, we’re joined by Rachel. You can catch her in various roles in TV and off broadway, and she’s fun and quirky as can be.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Women And The World | Comments 

Name: Email:

Talks with Cute Girls: Jennifer

August 13, 2008

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Women And The World | Comments 

Name: Email:

I’m Not Rich

August 10, 2008

I’ll be honest, no matter where I go there are men who have much more money than me, have nicer cars, wear nice clothes, and can give a girl more material happiness, i.e. flying her down to Costa Rica for the weekend.

A lot of men try to play this game, try to impress a girl with material things. Here’s the thing: it works, plenty of women will sleep with you for these things. The problem is that unless you’re .01% of the population, there will always be a man who can give her more.  We call that the Bigger Better Deal.

I know I can’t even compete at that game, so I don’t play it. The game I choose to play is to show a girl that those things aren’t that important, that feeling amazing and having true passion in her romantic encounters is by far more important than those material things. The material things I provide are a nice compliment, but it’s not what defines me to her. This game I can win.

The high echelon social scene in modern cities reminds me very much of the scene painted in The Art of Seduction of France during the Renaissance. The stories highlight the adventures of notable rakes and seducers of the time. In almost every story, the woman involved is a beautiful woman of the upper class. These were women surrounded by the most affluent men in the country and used to being wooed by the “finer things in life”.

Rakes saw this opportunity and re-ignited the passion in the lives of these women. It’s no wonder these stories are as historically popular with woman as with men.

There are many beautiful wonderful women who have been surrounded constantly by men who play the material game and try to be the highest bidder for her attention. Don’t play that game because you can never really win. Instead, remind her of the more important things and unlock a passion and happiness that every woman deserves. Those material things are then a nice compliment when things start to get more serious.

Cheers,
Nick

Posted by Nick Sparks | Filed Under Crank Your Confidence | Comments 

Name: Email:

Text Rules

August 10, 2008

I’m generally against hard-and-fast rules about communication protocol.  But every now and then, I stumble upon an insight about something I’ve been doing unconsciously and/or unplanned that seems to work.  So with that caveat, I was discussing this with David the other day (who is now having many great adventures in Singapore), and here is my text messaging protocol.  You send a girl a text, and she responds in…

  • 0-10 minutes: get back to her immediately
  • 10-50 minutes: wait equivalent with deviation of 20%, unless necessitated by logistics.  So if she writes back in thirty minutes, 20% of that is 6 minutes; get back to her anywhere between 24 to 36 minutes.  Unless you’re going clubbing, trying to get lots of friends together for a big party or dinner, or something else where you need to know how many people are going to be there, or deal with a guestlist.
  • 1 hr to 6 hours: wait twelve hours before writing back.

It is dorky and it seems to work.  But again, rules are broken all the time and love still happens.

Bootcamp went awesome this weekend; our clients were INCREDIBLE; fun, optimistic, and really good guys.  I am still getting over a sinus infection from a week ago and dealing with a wicked cough, actually had to excuse myself briefly and pick up a bottle of robitussin around 1 AM last night.  Echinacea tea this morning in preparation for the afternoon.

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Dating Done Right | Comments 

Name: Email:

Sneaky Dating Tricks: Cont…

August 7, 2008

Christian started an excellent discussion here and I couldn’t help but jump in on it.

The main thing I want to do here is give some guidance on how to react if you find yourself in a situation where a girl is using one of these “sneaky dating tricks” on you so that you don’t fall victim to it yourself.

To prep this, I want to say that not every girl will do this stuff. I have been lucky to meet many wonderful women who are very genuine and if you look at everything they say to you as some sort of trick or test then you will be playing yourself right out of their dating lives.

Moreover, there are guys out there who say, “well I just don’t want to play games, and I don’t want a girl who plays games”. Here’s the thing guys: a very large number of girls do set up tests. The simple reason is that a woman of high value has a lot of people pulling here in many different directions, and she has to set up a system that makes it easier for her to decide how to allocate her time. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day for her to spend time with everyone who desires her company.

Now when a guy says, “I don’t like games”, what I’ve found he really means is, “I don’t like losing games”. Face it, if you won all of the games and tests that girls put forward you won’t have the distaste for them that a-lot of guys express. So with that in mind, here’s how you can identify when a girl is using these “tricks” and how to respond appropriately.

The neediness card:

You’ll hear all sorts of stories – about how she’s been hurt, about how lonely she is, about her unfulfilled sex life, about something she wants to do with which you can help… and they’re all meant to trigger that desire in a man to provide for and take care of a woman.  Some women do it subtly, others are more direct: I know (but am not friends with) a girl who told a guy with whom she was living that her mom had died and that she needed to go to the funeral.  She went to see her other boyfriend instead.  99% of girls aren’t this crazy, but the neediness card accounts for a lot of second-guessing that we as men do.  “Maybe I should call her again, maybe if she sees that I really like her she’ll feel comfortable turning to me.”

As Christian points out, girls play this one in order to trigger your “provider” instincts. Guys hear this and think, “wow, I can show this girl how much I care by offering my sympathy and she’ll like me”. Big pitfall.

When you’re first getting to know a girl, never ever ever fall into the roll of councilor/shoulder she can cry on. Of course as your relationship grows stronger feel free to support her in whichever way you choose, but in the beginning your asking for trouble. I’m reminded of a great line from the one and only David D which is something like, “I have full confidence that you’re strong enough to handle this”. That’s it, change the subject to something more fun, and throw up a point for yourself.

Making future plans:

When she spends time with a guy, she talks about all the things she’d like to do with him.  Girls with good game like to suggest a lot of plans quickly, from jogging dates to how quickly they want to see him again to cultural experiences they would enjoy together.  And girls with really good game will make those plans match up to interests and hobbies of the guy’s.  As a man, its hard not to fall for it.  “Wow, this girl LIKES me!  And I didn’t even have to work too hard for it.”  It can come subtly, as in “Yeah, there’s this play I’ve been wanting to check out,” or it can be more direct, like “So would you want to go see this play next week?”  And hey, sometimes its genuine.  But other times it is very calculated. You don’t know until you start to get a better picture of the girl.

Its funny that Christian brought this one up because I actually use it myself all the time and never really thought about it. Why? Because shit, it works. Don’t let it work on you. (Note to any women reading this: I still completely mean it when I say it to you).

For starters, I truly believe that when a woman says this she’s actually not playing any trick, but rather really wants to do what she says at the time, however time and other things pop up and other things fill up her priorities and suddenly what she says at that moment isn’t reflected in her new state of mind.

So, the first thing that one has to do is identify whether this was just something said in the passing moment or if she really wants to do this. When you’re discussing these plans at first, go right along with them. Talk about how you can’t wait to do this stuff, and paint a vivid picture of the event and how much fun it will be for both of you.

Now comes the moment of truth. In your next text/phone convo, casually bring up the event that you spoke of. If you were planning on attending a rodeo, say, “I hope you know I’ve been practicing my bull-riding and you’re going to be amazed when you see these skills”. If you were going to see Batman, you can drop something along the lines of, “I saw that the lines for Batman on the IMAX are finally starting to die down, thank goodness”.

So, you throw this little tidbit out, and then gauge her response. If she responds with the same enthusiasm as your first discussion on the subject, then go ahead and get those movie tickets. If she kind of brushes it off, then just drop the subject and never touch it again unless she’s the one to bring it up.

Side note: if she does flake on this one a great thing to do is simply see the movie or do whatever anyway, and then the next time she asks what you’ve been up to you can inform her of your recent activities. She’ll usually get a bit irritated that you did that without her (don’t worry, she knows it’s bullshit). You can just tell her that you wanted to see/do it with he but that she’s just been kind of busy lately and that you’ll make it up to her very soon. Great way to win this game. Chalk up another point for yourself.

The apologetic flake:

I have seen this play out several times, and I have a good friend who is just masterful at this and who brought it into sharp focus.  She’s an attractive girl and she works on a trading desk, so she’s legitimately busy and has painfully early mornings.  From time to time, she just doesn’t feel like going on the date she has scheduled.  The guy isn’t that interesting to her, or another social event popped up, whatever…  So she’ll flake at the last minute, but she’ll offer her profuse apologies.  Sometimes these are interlaced with statements meant to inspire sympathy (”I slept like 2 hours last night, I’m barely functioning, I hate my job”), but in almost all cases, she attempts to lock the guy into rescheduling right there on the phone by telling him how excited she is to see him and how “seriously,” she can’t wait to hang out because they’re going to have such a good time.

This one’s simple. You just have to let her know that you’re just as busy as she is and your time can’t be allocated at her whims. If she’s apologizing and trying to reschedule for some other time; you’re busy. I don’t care if you’re plans for that Thursday night are to sit on your couch, watch Family Guy and eat Cheetos, you have plans and unfortunately can’t see her.

Now, if she really starts pushing the makeup date, ie “what are you doing Thursday night? Oh, ok, what about Friday? what about Saturday?”, then we’re drifting into genuine apology and interest and should be treated accordingly. If she keeps pushing, then you’re still busy on Thursday, but Saturday or Sunday you may have some time open and would love to see her.

Remember, if she does flake, the worst thing you can do is get noticeably annoyed with her. Simply say, “It’s really not a big deal, I actually have to run and (insert fun other thing) anyway. We’ll hang out soon.” Then excuse yourself and walk away. Wait at least 3 days without word from her to get back to her.

Of course the tests and tricks girls use are as numerous as the stars in the sky. Just keep in mind that she’s giving you the opportunity to prove that you’re a strong, high-value man. Relish in these opportunities and you’ll be happy that you have the company of a high-value women who won’t settle for just anyone’s time.

Posted by Nick Sparks | Filed Under Women And The World | Comments 

Name: Email:

Talks with Cute Girls: Stephanie

August 7, 2008

Our first episode of The Social Man… talks to cute girls features our friend Stephanie, a showroom model, a budding entrepreneuse, and one of the sweetest girls we know. Enjoy!

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Women And The World | Comments 

Name: Email:

Sneaky Dating Tricks

August 5, 2008

I’m blessed to have a few close female friends in my life who have AMAZING guy game.  Seriously, a few of these girls should teach classes.  So there are a few sneaky little tricks I see them doing again and again,  tricks which have certainly gotten the best of me in the past, for which you just have to watch out the with beautiful ones…

The highly desirable girls who have lots of options tend to manage their male relationships as such:

  • there could be one guy gets 50-80% of their mental and emotional energy.  He could be an exciting new beau, a serious boyfriend, or an ex who she can’t let go of.
  • she has a few guy friends who get 20-50% of her mental and emotional energy.
  • if she’s single, she has a few orbiters and prospects who get 20-50% of her mental energy. She keeps them around for dinner, sex or simply to keep her from getting bored when she feels lonely or wants a text buddy.

We look at this list, and maybe its a little unfair because clearly its a full social schedule, and most guys  can’t have it.  Their lives aren’t built for it and they lack either the resources or the skills to maintain it.  But whatever… attractive women can have it, so why not?

Keeping a man in orbit means keeping his hopes alive that something will develop between the two of them – maybe sex, maybe a relationship.  In other words, it means managing a man’s feelings so that he will jump when she tells him to.  To her, it usually feels like fun and games.  To him, the feelings can be anywhere on the spectrum, from “mildly interested” to crush to obsession.  And his feelings usually depend on how emotionally mature he is, how many options he has, and how much experience he has in dealing with women.

There are two or three things that women do if they want to keep a man in orbit, and to engender feelings that create crushes and obsessions.  We’ll get to those momentarily.  But let’s stop for a moment and think about how his feelings for her develop.  And before we go any further, and before I begin to sound too much like a curmudgeonly, jaded misanthrope, I should say that I absolutely believe in love, romance, and holding hands. Just, you know, with the right girl.

So back to crushes, obsessions, and the pain of a tortured romance: a man builds up a story in his own mind that isn’t matched by reality.  He tells himself how perfect he and a girl could be together, but he doesn’t really know her yet.  He tells himself how they have so much in common, but he’s overlooked all of their differences.  He finds a million reasons why it “makes sense” for them to be together, but they’re all reasons that have little or no significance to her.

A few weekends ago, I was sitting next to a young guy in a bar. He pointed over to a girl nearby, who was clearly into some other guy who was flirting with her.  My new acquaintance told me how this girl – a friend he’d come into town to visit that weekend – was his soulmate.  Shortly after he told me this, she started kissing the other guy in plain view.  “Oh, she’s not really serious about him,” my new friend told me, sad but resolute.  So oblivious to reality was he that the story he’d created in his head was stronger than the situation unraveling right in front of him.

Some men develop feelings and obsessions based on, well, little to nothing.  They think the girl is hot, or they just like the idea of being with her.  So that happens, for sure.  But women are smart, and sometimes they do things to create and stoke those feelings. As one of my girl friends put it, “I want a guy to feel like he might have a chance with me, even if I know that he probably doesn’t, because I might change my mind later.”  So without further ado, here are three tricks of the trade that, whether she’s doing them consciously or unconsciously, will get ya if you don’t see them coming.

The Neediness Card: You’ll hear all sorts of stories – about how she’s been hurt, about how lonely she is, about her unfulfilled sex life, about something she wants to do with which you can help… and they’re all meant to trigger that desire in a man to provide for and take care of a woman.  Some women do it subtly, others are more direct: I know (but am not friends with) a girl who told a guy with whom she was living that her mom had died and that she needed to go to the funeral.  She went to see her other boyfriend instead.  99% of girls aren’t this crazy, but the neediness card accounts for a lot of second-guessing that we as men do.  “Maybe I should call her again, maybe if she sees that I really like her she’ll feel comfortable turning to me.”

Making Future Plans: When she spends time with a guy, she talks about all the things she’d like to do with him.  Girls with good game like to suggest a lot of plans quickly, from jogging dates to how quickly they want to see him again to cultural experiences they would enjoy together.  And girls with really good game will make those plans match up to interests and hobbies of the guy’s.  As a man, its hard not to fall for it.  “Wow, this girl LIKES me!  And I didn’t even have to work too hard for it.”  It can come subtly, as in “Yeah, there’s this play I’ve been wanting to check out,” or it can be more direct, like “So would you want to go see this play next week?”  And hey, sometimes its genuine.  But other times it is very calculated. You don’t know until you start to get a better picture of the girl.

The Apologetic Flake: I have seen this play out several times, and I have a good friend who is just masterful at this and who brought it into sharp focus.  She’s an attractive girl and she works on a trading desk, so she’s legitimately busy and has painfully early mornings.  From time to time, she just doesn’t feel like going on the date she has scheduled.  The guy isn’t that interesting to her, or another social event popped up, whatever…  So she’ll flake at the last minute, but she’ll offer her profuse apologies.  Sometimes these are interlaced with statements meant to inspire sympathy (“I slept like 2 hours last night, I’m barely functioning, I hate my job”), but in almost all cases, she attempts to lock the guy into rescheduling right there on the phone by telling him how excited she is to see him and how “seriously,” she can’t wait to hang out because they’re going to have such a good time.

Are there other tricks?  Probably.  And look -  you just never know about a person until you really, really know them. I’ve had relationships which started out drama-free and became full of it within a few  weeks, and other relationships which started turbulently but settled into something that flowed very naturally.

What about you?  Have you ever experienced any of the above?   Are there other tricks to which you’ve fallen victim or, er… subject?

Posted by Christian | Filed Under Women And The World | Comments 

Name: Email: